[dozing in the captain's chair on the bridge of the Enterprise] What's that Beverly? You want Wesley to watch? Hmm, make it so! [jerks awake] Oh, 2300 hours, time for the night crew to relieve us! [moves to leave the bridge, as Captain Jake enters] Captain.
Capitan! [the Enterprise bridge crew file out, as their night crew replacements enter] Night crew, maintain course. [cut to the Enterprise moving through space] Space, the final frontier! These are the 11pm to 7am voyages of the Enterprise's night crew. Its continuing mission...is to PAR-TAY! [starts drinking from a beer can as the night crew cheer]
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! [A Borg cube appears on the view screen]
Captain Jake, a Borg cube is hailing us.
They probably want us to turn down our jams...Fat chance!
Lower your shields, your culture will adapt to service us.
You want us to service you?
Affirmative. You will service the Borg, all night if needed! [Commander LaFreak sniggers. The Borg Drone looks unamused] Wait! Our hive mind has assimilated double entendres- real mature, guys! Prepare for assimilation! [the Borg cube begins to shoot at the Enterprise with its lasers]
Our shields won't last long, sir! Should we wake up the bald guy?
[opens another can of beer] No way, Commander LaFreak! We'll beat the Borg like we beat that frat on Gallos 7!
We'll sell naked photos of their girlfriends at a pie-eating contest?
What?! No! Like any frat, the Borg share a hive mind, man. If we get one Borg to party, all Borg will party! Night crew, prepare to rock out with our Spocks out! [the night crew beam across to the Borg cube] Anybody order a partygram? [the night crew start playing music and drinking with the Borg drones in the cube. He pulls out a bottle of champagne to a female Borg drone] Wet t-shirt contest! [opens the champagne bottle on the female drone, who doesn't react even when he douses her chest] Oh right, no shirt...you want mine? [removes his Captain's jumper, just as the Borg drone he talked to advances on him] Whoa, chill out, dude! Wait, is she your daughter?
Enough! Partying is futile! [jabs Captain Jake with its injection tubes, only to recoil. Captain Jake grins] Your blood, so full of beer! Your party, so hearty! [grabs a cup of beer from a Klingon night crew member and chugs it] Woo-hoooo! [the rest of the Borg join the drone and the night crew in partying]
Now this, I can assimilate! [he and the drone hug]
[Cut to the Borg cube drawing a giant cock on a planet with its lasers. Cut to an awards ceremony on the bridge of the Enterprise]
Captain Jake, Starfleet thanks you for defeating the Borg. [hangs a medal around Captain Jake's neck]
Bitchin'!
[fuming] NIGHT CREEEEEEWWWWW! [everyone looks round nervously, until he grins] Beer me! [the night crew cheer and Jake tosses Picard a can] You glorious sons of bitches!
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