[A news room is shown where a newscaster is seen informing people about Godzilla's attacks on a map, with icons of Godzilla showing off where he attacked]
[panic mode] Godzilla has left the nation in ruins!
[Cut to Godzilla destroying the Hollywood Sign]
Oh, no! California's most treasured landmark!
[Cut to Godzilla attacking the Golden Gate Bridge and chomping onto a car]
Oh, no! California's most treasured landmark despite what those a-holes down in Los Angeles think.
[Cut to Godzilla in Chicago, dry-humping the Sears/Willis Tower, only to destroy it in the process with the pole on top of it]
Godzilla is pulling some hot stripper, pole action on the Sears Tower or whatever the [bleep] we call it these days, what is it? W-Willis? I'm hearing "Willis Tower".
[Godzilla is swimming away in the New York Bay]
And after destroying Manhattan, Godzilla is finally headed back out to sea. [Godzilla looks back and knocks over the Statue of Liberty with his tail] Oh! Total dick move by Godzilla!
Nowhere near water is safe!
[A group of people in congress are seen in Des Moines, Iowa]
It has never been a better time to be a landlocked state! Tourism here in Des Moines is through the roof! We're all rich!
[Everyone applauds]
[pulls out a phone and whispers into it] This is the mayor's assistant, Mr. G. Your check is in the mail.
[Godzilla is seen on the phone with the Mayor of Des Moines' Aid and chuckles confidently that it was them who were responsible for his attacks. A time card appears that reads "6 DAYS LATER" and Godzilla is seen holding a paper check]
[annoyed] Argh, how the hell am I suppose to cash this?!
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