[opens the windows and sniffs the air] Ahh, wonderful day to make cookies. Cookies with the finest ingredients, the smoothest chocolate, and... [suddenly sniffs the air again, sensing danger] Oh, and how I lived to see this day. [pulls out a horn and blows it]
[The elves stop working and get their weapons and armor]
[nervously] Are you sure, Ernest?
Yes. Listen to the voice upon the wind. You will know it to be true.
[off-screen] Cooookiiiiie... [the soldiers gasp] Cooookiiiiie... [the soldiers gasp again before he popped out of the bushes] COOKIE!!!
[Some of the soldiers screamed in terror]
Hold! [the soldiers hold their attack. Cookie Monster eats several soldiers] Hold! [the soldiers still hold their attack. Cookie Monster still eats several more soldiers] Hold! [runs off, but bumped into one of the elves] I owed him overtime.
Bu-Bu-But you owe me overtime...which is no big deal.
[chases them both] Coooooookiiiiiiiiiie!!!! [Ernest and the elves run inside, Cookie Monster rams the door three times] Cookie! Cookie! Coookiiiie!!!
I didn't sign up for this, I just wanted to make cookies!
I'm making cookies in my pants right now! They're shaped like poo!
[crashes through the door] COOKIE!!!! [grabs one of the elves and smacks him on the floor, one of the elves fires arrows on his hand and then stabs a sword in it, and he screams. The elf then sticks a grappling hook in his upper jaw and pins him down]
Now, give the monster what he wants!
Diabetes?
Good comment on modern culture, but no. Cookies!
[The elves feed Cookie Monster cookies]
Faster, Buckets! Pack that fudge! Pack that fudge, dammit! [Buckets laughs] Save your immaturity from when we're not about to be killed, you idiot! [chuckles] Fudge.
[through mouth full of cookies] Cookie monster...can't stop...can't stop eating cookies...
[Cookie Monster's belly bursts open, the elves cheered with joy. Then we cut to court room, where Cookie Monster's mommy is sobbing]
[crying] They didn't know he had cookie addiction. It like they feed heroin to junkie.
It was a home invasion, they acted in self defense!
Order please! Order! The court fines in favor of Keebler Incorporated. [to Cookie Monster's mommy] I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles.
[shocked] Me son is dead and you make pun?! ME KILL YOU! ME [BLEEP]ING KILL YOU!! [eats Judge Brown's head, killing him]
[Two police officers step in and shoot her to death]
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