[1984 Libertarian party convention]
Thank you, my Libertarian friends, for making us your nominees for president and vice president of the United States of America!
1984 is the year of the Libertarian party! We will be champions!
Yes, unfortunately, the rock band Queen won't let us play their hit "We Are The Champions", but enjoy this soundalike, which we will play IN THE WHITE HOUSE!
[to the tune of "We Are The Champions"] We are the victors of the Globe. And we'll continue doing stuff...
[1988 Libertarian party convention, the candidates have longer hair]
Four years ago, I said that we would be champions...How wrong I was. Ronald Reagan soundly beat us.
In fact we received less than one percent of one percent of the vote.
But it is 1988 and the country needs to come together like a family.
We are family! We are family!
Don't worry, Sister Sledge, this is not your copyright-protected musical hit "We Are Family". It's something better!
[to the tune of "We Are Family"] We are a close-knit group! Co-workers and aquaintances!
[1992 Libertarian party convention, the candidates are noticeably older, and now have wives]
Four years ago, we asked America to join our family...America said no.
So we decided to make loving families of our own. Who else wants to get on board the love train?
Sadly, The O-Jays wouldn't let us use their hit song "Love Train".
Even though it expresses every political ideal we stand for!
Next stop, the White House.
Toot toot! All aboard!
[to the tune of "Love Train"] Citizens of the Earth, come on. Ride the Friend Choo-choo, ride the Friend Choo-choo, yeah, ride the Friend Choo-choo.
[2008 Libertarian party convention, the candidates are now old men]
Well, sadly, not a single voter chose to board the friendship choo-choo. Worse, despite using the soundalike, The O-Jays still sued us.
During the 16-year legal battle, unsavory private matters were revealed, resulting in the spectacular in-court suicide of my beautiful wife, Jennette.
My wife Sarah also committed suicide, but, uh, that was unrelated to the trial.
These tragedies taught us that life, like voting for a third party, are ultimately meaningless.
So, in the end, all we, the Libertarian party, are is "Dust In the Wind". [Candidate 1 stammers]]' I mean, all of us is airborne minidirt!
Airborne minidirt, y'all!
[to the tune of "Dust In the Wind"] All of us is airborne minidirt...
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