[On the set of an episode of Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego]
Time Pilots, Carmen has stolen the Brooklyn Bridge! We need you to head to the year it was built and bring back that bridge!
You heard her, kids. We've gotta retrieve the Brooklyn Bridge- [his cellphone rings] Uh...I gotta take this. [answers it] Janine, I'm doing the show. I told you we'd talk about it later.
[on the phone] I don't wanna talk about it later.
Well, I have more to say.
[on the phone] No, now!
No, not now! What the [bleep]? You want me to lose my job?!
[on the phone] I don't care if you...
Oh, nice. He's there now, isn't he?
[on the phone] Um...
[briefly shakes in rage] You mother[bleep]ing whore! Well, then I want my jacket back!
[on the phone] No way!
Yes way! It's my [bleep]ing jacket!
[on the phone] It was a gift!
NO! A gift is something you give to someone you love, you dumb bitch! [shuts his cellphone] Uh...hey, kids! Uh, that was the Chief again, and, uh...she said she made a mistake. Carmen didn't steal the Brooklyn Bridge after all. She actually stole a magical leather jacket, and we need your help to get it back, so are you with me?
What's so magic...?
[blatantly ignoring their question] And we're off!
[We cut to Kevin driving a car with the time pilots]
Aren't we supposed to be answering questions?
[visibly on the verge of a breakdown] I'll give you a question: What year did that [bleep]ing bitch ruin my life? Don't know? Trick question! She ruined three [bleep]ing years of my life! Is this Franklin Street? [we cut to Janine's house entrance, where he cries in a mix of utter rage and despair about his jacket] You whore! I loved you, and you [bleep]ed it all up! I gave this to you because it meant something, stupid! That was the day you said you loved me! What was that day, kids?
November 8th.
November [bleep]ing 8th! Three points for you, kids! [we cut back to him and the time pilots in the car, quiet for a moment, he begins to cry uncontrollably again for a solid 15 seconds before the screen snaps to a strip club, where a woman climbs up a pole; drinking off his ass] When did firemen first start using poles?
1878?
Bingo! [we cut back to him in the car while the pilots are out; completely [bleep]faced drunk] Hooray! Carmen is saved!
Where are we...?
I ask the questions! [then drives off, but almost immediately crashes into a pole and dies, which ends the sketch]
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