[The title card forms while a wolf howls in the background. We then cut to Randy's house]
Mom, where's my costume?!
[pulls out a pink Power Rangers costume] Here it is, Randy: Power Rangers costume, just like you asked.
It's a girl's costume! [the doorbell rings; horrified] My friends are here!
Nobody cares what color your costume is.
[But later, his friends laugh uncontrollably as Randy dresses up as the female Power Ranger]
Randy's going as Elton John this year.
[Bleep] you guys! Mom, I need a trick or treat bag!
We're out of shopping bags, honey. Just use this. [hands him a purse]
[The other kids continue to laugh]
Nice purse, lady!
[We cut to a neighbor's house]
Here you are, little girl. [gives Randy some candy]
[The others start to snicker at this]
That does it! I'm going home. [unsuccessfully tries to remove his helmet] It's too small. I...I can't get it off!
[They snicker louder]
This is the greatest Halloween ever.
[A set of sports car tires screeches behind the boys]
[fearfully] It's Armpit! RUN!
[The trick-or-treaters scream and run, and then we cut to Armpit himself]
[chuckles evilly and grabs one kid] Come here! [then throws him on the house behind him, and them grabs two more, smacks them into each other, and takes their bags. He spots Randy, thinking he's a girl] Hey, baby. You, me, going for a ride.
[frightened] No...
[The two drive off in Armpit's car]
[worried] Oh, no. Armpit's gonna rape Randy.
[Later, Armpit shakes his car in distress, making it squeak. But it turns out he's hugging Randy while crying]
[weeping and wailing] Nobody...understands me! I-I tried to fit in, but I'm filled with so much rage! Why did my soccer coach do that to me?! [groans and wails some more, then calms down] You know what, sweet heart? I didn't even get your name.
Uhhh..
[A gunshot sounds with a light that is held by a police officer next to the car]
Are you Randy McCormick?
[gasping in amazement before getting out of the car] Yes! Oh, thank goodness you're here! I'm Randy McCormick!
[shocked and disgusted] Randy McCormick?! I'm gonna kill you, man! [groans, and drives away into the night]
Randy, I'm afraid your mom's dead.
[shocked] What?!?!
It was a fire, son. [hands Randy a letter] It appears that she could only write this note that said she never loved you.
Oh, no!
Right before she shot your dog. [pause, brightens] Have a happy Halloween. [then drives away, too, leaving Randy all alone in the night]
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