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S1 E15

Rick and Morty · Season 1, Episode 15

President Curtis, Rick and others in “Unfinished Business”

PCPresident Curtis

In 1961, the CIA secretly relocated the Loch Ness Monster to Lake Eerie and replaced her bones with titanium. She was then bit by several werewolves, giving us the ultimate anti-submarine weapon.

Got it.

PCPresident Curtis

But the Soviets smuggled in a leprechaun who turned Nessie's bones to silver, giving her the were-version of AIDS. She sank to the bottom and we assumed she was dead, but she was only asleep. Now she's awake, and hungry!

You can't date my shrink.

PCPresident Curtis

What? Bro! You're nuts!

Then don't date my shrink.

PCPresident Curtis

I'm not dating your shrink! She probably doesn't even like me...

[Rick goes to punch him, but is held back by a Secret Service Agent.]

SSSecret Service Agent

Stand down, Sanchez!

Tell him to stand down! Would you let him bang your therapist?

SSSecret Service Agent

I don't believe in therapy!

W- What the hell does that even mean?! You don't "believe in it"?

PCPresident Curtis

He's a Scientologist.

Don't date my shrink! And don't be a space Mormon!

SSSecret Service Agent

Why not?!

It's silly! Sorry. It's a cheap shot. Worship how you want. I like Tom Cruise...?

SSSecret Service Agent

Thank you.

PCPresident Curtis

Therapy is working...

Keep it in your pants.

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