Felix quotes from Orphan Black

Felix

[after Bobby tells Felix to use the phone or hang it up] Do not snap towels at me, Bobby, I had a very traumatic childhood!

Felix

[Alison calling Sarah] Oh, brilliant. Invite her too. Then maybe we can all cuddle up with Weight Watchers and Grey's Anatomy.

Felix

Divorces do really strange things to normals, Sarah. They lose their fake happiness, they forget the way to the mall, and then they come downtown to find themselves.

Felix

I need to change. Fetch me something gay.

Felix

[Alison takes out a pill bottle] Hey! Share-zies? [Alison gives him a pill]

Felix

[to Cosima when Delphine arrives] It's Delphine. She's got baggage.

Felix

Cosima and Delphine are locked in some kind of transgressive lesbian geek spiral, bound to end in tears.

Felix

How's Vic the Dick?

Yeah. I hit him first this time. With an ashtray. So he's a little blue.

Something really weird just happened at the train station.

Felix

What?

I saw a girl kill herself.

Felix

Eeww. A jumper?

Yeah, and she looked exactly like me, Felix.

Felix

What you mean? [Sarah takes out Beth's wallet] Oh! You robbed her body.

No, she left a bag on the platform.

Felix

Isn't that essentially robbing her body? [Sarah shows him Beth's driver's license] Okay, that's …weird.

[sarcastically] Yeah, you think?

Felix

"Elizabeth Childs" — It's you with a nice haircut.

[looking at the address on Beth's license] That's a nice address. What the hell, Fee, did I have a twin sister?

Felix

Well, now, when you're a poor little orphan foster wretch, anything's possible. Or so we tell ourselves.

Kira is a gift.

Felix

Sarah knows that.

No. She hasn't a clue.

Felix

She is trying, badly — granted, but in her own way, she really is — she's really trying. [Kira steps out] O-oh-ho. Caught ya. Come here. Come here, monkey.

Kira

When is mommy coming?

You know when, love.

Kira

When she's ready?

And?

Kira

When you say she's ready?

Sounds fair to me.

I can't understand why Sarah killed herself. That's just not like her. At least she had love.

Felix

[mockingly] Whose love did she have - yours?

Love is imperfect.

Felix

If that's your definition of love, no wonder she jumped.

[talking to Sarah and Felix via Skype, examining the image of Helena's knife] Wow. Rich, man. This looks like a new blade inset in a much older handle. So the fish, is a bitch, semiotically speaking, with a universal wave acts symbol of fecundity. But these…

Felix

Seriously, what is she on about?

Quiet, she's just weird.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, going off on a tangent there. If she's not dead, we need to find her. Find out what she knows.

Felix

Are you mad? She's a homicidal maniac.

Yeah, but we need to find out who she is, Sarah. She's, she found us. She's got answers.

The only way I'm gonna do that is going back to being a cop.

Felix

No. No way. You're not going back to being Beth. Impersonating a dead officer — that's like a whole new crime.

I think I'm safest with the cops, to be honest with you.

Felix

Did that actually just come out of your mouth?

Look, Art's already looking for the killer. I shadow him as Beth and let them figure out what's happened to her, and then, when I find that out, I can jump off and deal.

Felix

Deal? I'm beginning to realize crazy is genetic.

Well, yeah, bad brain chemistry can be genetic, um, but environment, that's individual, right? I mean that's the whole nature/nurture question right there.

Felix

Okay, let's talk nature. Out of nine so far, one's a psycho who killed four others, one committed suicide, one is a bloody soccer-mum, and then there's you. My crazy sister is sane by comparison.

Thanks Fee.

But… [holds up photograph of Helena's knife] I think this might help figure out where she's coming from, so — I'll look into it.

Felix

Colin is the first nice boy I've met in ages.

What, like six weeks?

Felix

No. At least eight.

Felix

[to the people in Alison's house] Felix. Gay friend.

Acting coach.

Oh, that's perfectly fine here.

Felix

Which one?

Felix

Holy shit, what's with the balls of your thumbs, they're so bouncy.

Felix, are you high?

Felix

Well I didn't know there was going to be a huge emergency, did I?