Maggie O'Connell quotes from Northern Exposure

Maggie

Let me tell you something, buster, you might not be dying, but you're gone.

Maggie

[to Joel] What kind of boyfriend are you? You wouldn't think we had a close, caring relationship; that we've been intimately involved for the past six months. What kind of impression is that going to make on my dad? My dad! Who's come all this way to meet you, my boyfriend, the doctor, who I've written so many wonderful letters about.

Maggie

[to Joel] Calling you a moron is an insult to morons. Broccoli has more brain power than you. Cauliflower!

Maggie

Men can only think of one thing. The joystick. Is it big enough, and where can they put it?

Maggie

Ok. Sex is fine. Sex is good. Sex is GREAT! Okay, okay, we need men for sex... Do we need so many?

Maggie

Life is everywhere. The earth is throbbing with it, it's like music. The plants, the creatures, the ones we see, the ones we don't see, it's like one, big, pulsating symphony.

Maggie

You haven't vacuumed, Fleischman? What's this, petrified corn chips?

Maggie

All you care about is you, and New York, and your precious career!

Joel

Look, Mother Theresa. I did not get off the plane and say that I am Marcus Welby, kindly physician, and all around swell guy! Okay!?! I was fully prepared to do my time in Anchorage, but I am contractually bound to this tundra under false pretenses and against my will. So if I resort to some unscrupulous practices to right a greater wrong, look, where's Amnesty International when it comes to Joel Fleischman?!?

Maggie

There are other ways besides sex to get a bladder infection, Fleischman.

Joel

Yeah, but that's the funniest.

Joel

Sex should be wild. Unfettered and free. We're animals, aren't we? And, basically, we're all wolves in sheep's fur. I always wanted more. Not frequency, I am not talking about frequency; although that would have been great, too. I wanted more intensity. I wanted to be out there, outside myself, outside my skin. I wanted sex to be like robbing life out of the jaws of death!

Maggie

Wow.

Joel

Be careful, there's some ice over there.

Maggie

You could offer to help, Fleischman.

Joel

You, our own Calamity Jane? Our torch-bearer of the pioneer spirit? I wouldn't presume to insult you.

Maggie

Why were you born, Fleischman? A mosquito has more utilitarian value!

Joel

Hold it, hold it, hold it! This is ridiculous! Hey, we play to a very sophisticated television audience. They know Maurice is not going to kill Nikolai, and they definitely know that Nikolai is not going to kill Maurice.

Maggie

Wait a minute, Fleischman. You can't just take it upon yourself to step out of character. Nobody yelled 'cut'.

Shelly

Joel's right. The duel is stupid.

Joel

Can we just stick to the matter at hand?

Ruth-Anne

How about the fifth revision? Where Nikolai's abscessed tooth starts acting up, and, well, he just cancels.

Shelly

Glib and textually unwarranted.

What if Maurice trips and kills someone else by mistake?

Maurice

Oh, great, so I'm a klutz now, huh?

Maggie

Look, if there's not a duel, then what is the point of this whole story?

Chris

What's the point? The point is - man's tendency to war, but Joel here is asking us to step outside of certain events and say enough. Am I right?

Shelly

Listen, whatever, it's getting cold out here.

Marilyn

Why don't we go on to the next scene? It's a pretty good one.

Joel

Are you flirting with me?

Maggie

No! I'm just merely saying that beneath that whiny, abrasive exterior of yours I sometimes get a glimpse of the teensiest, eensy bit of something

Maggie

Are you suggesting that Bill and I have an affair?

Well, the truth is, Maggie, I can't stand to look at him.

Maggie

You want me to kill him?

Just date him - let nature take its course.