[As the ending credits roll, Mike leafs through a copy of Leonard Maltin's Movie Guide.]
Mike: OK, let's look in Maltin's book here, uh he gave this two-and-a-half stars... ooh, My Favorite Year barely edges it out with three stars.
Crow: Huh.
Servo: Look here, Hannah and her Sisters is superior only by one star.
Mike: Oh wow.
Crow: [watching the film] Oh great, now a tire fire starts just off camera!
[Tom coughs. Mike turns a page.]
Mike: OK. Umm, ah, look, hey--Leonard Maltin gave the same two-and-a-half stars to My Dinner With Andre.
Crow: Uhh--
Servo: [disgusted] Name of the Rose... this is a better film than Name of the Rose! It only got two stars!
Crow: Being There, two stars.
Mike: Uh, Lucas Tanner the movie was directed by Richard Donner... I just thought I'd point that out.
Servo: Oh. Good.
Mike: Lemme see here...
Crow: [reading the credits] Y'mean, y'mean to tell me that Ron Masak and Eddie Deezen get billing over Roddy McDowall?
Servo: Look Mike, Birdman of Alcatraz, three stars. Marginally better than Laserblast.
Crow: [still reading the credits] They spelled Roddy McDowall's name wrong...
Servo: [leaning in] What else you got?
Mike: Oh, here we go, Full Metal Jacket, three stars.
Crow: Hm?
Servo: Shame, isn't it.
Mike: Oh, hey, Seven Samurai, two stars.
Crow: [incredulous] What?!
Mike: I'm kidding.
Crow: Oh.
Servo: I hope so.
Mike: According to this, A Fish Called Wanda was as good a film as Laserblast.
Crow: [dismissive] D'oh...
Servo: Broadcast News, Witness, three stars--barely superior to Laserblast.
Mike: Mm-hm.
Crow: Same for Diner.
Mike: Yeah, hm. Oh, here we go--this was a better movie than Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
Crow: Well, that's possible...
Servo: And the same caliber as Last Crusade--two-and-a-half stars.
Mike: Oh. And, uh, and yet: Blame It On the Bellboy... four stars.
Servo: [unbelieving] Where?
Crow: [incredulous] What?
Mike: No, I'm kidding.
Servo: Oh, you... You... jeez...
Mike: So, Kim Milford's greasy, pop-eyed performance was every bit as good as F. Murray Abraham's tortured performance as Salieri in Amadeus.
Crow: According to Leonard Maltin, yes, Mike.
Servo: Bagdad Café, brilliant subtle comedy--no better than Laserblast.
Mike: Here's where it gets hard--Harry and the Hendersons is every bit as good as Laserblast.
Crow: Carson McCullers' classic The Heart is a Lonely Hunter--no better than Laserblast.
[Servo notices Mike is hiding something and tries to read it.]
Mike: [reluctant] No, no--
Servo: Uhp, John Schlesinger's Oscar-winning thriller Marathon Man--on par with Laserblast, two-and-a-half stars.
Mike: Right, so Laurence Olivier's chilling performance as Szell, the White Angel, no better than the butt-faced sheriff in Laserblast.
Crow: Again, according to Leonard Maltin, yes, Mike.
Mike: OK, ah--
Servo: Ah, look here, look here, Outlaw Josey Wales AND Unforgiven! Oscar-winner. Quintessential Westerns, Eastwood at his finest. However, I think you know where we're headed with this, Mike.
Mike: Uh, yeah...
Servo, Mike: Same as Laserblast--
Servo: Two-and-a-half stars.
Mike: Oh, here we go, here's a couple more. Sophie's Choice--
Servo: Uh huh.
Mike: Uh... here's one, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory--
Servo: No!
Mike: The Great Santini--
Servo: Oh, I can't believe that!
Mike: All two-and-a-half stars.
Servo: Two-and-a-half stars.
Mike: The same quality.
Crow: Ace by the way.
Mike: Yes, Ace.
Servo: [as they leave] Peers to Laserblast.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie
Mike: OK, let's look in Maltin's book here, uh he gave this two-and-a-half stars... ooh, My Favorite Year barely edges it out with three stars.
Crow: Huh.
Servo: Look here, Hannah and her Sisters is superior only by one star.
Mike: Oh wow.
Crow: [watching the film] Oh great, now a tire fire starts just off camera!
[Tom coughs. Mike turns a page.]
Mike: OK. Umm, ah, look, hey--Leonard Maltin gave the same two-and-a-half stars to My Dinner With Andre.
Crow: Uhh--
Servo: [disgusted] Name of the Rose... this is a better film than Name of the Rose! It only got two stars!
Crow: Being There, two stars.
Mike: Uh, Lucas Tanner the movie was directed by Richard Donner... I just thought I'd point that out.
Servo: Oh. Good.
Mike: Lemme see here...
Crow: [reading the credits] Y'mean, y'mean to tell me that Ron Masak and Eddie Deezen get billing over Roddy McDowall?
Servo: Look Mike, Birdman of Alcatraz, three stars. Marginally better than Laserblast.
Crow: [still reading the credits] They spelled Roddy McDowall's name wrong...
Servo: [leaning in] What else you got?
Mike: Oh, here we go, Full Metal Jacket, three stars.
Crow: Hm?
Servo: Shame, isn't it.
Mike: Oh, hey, Seven Samurai, two stars.
Crow: [incredulous] What?!
Mike: I'm kidding.
Crow: Oh.
Servo: I hope so.
Mike: According to this, A Fish Called Wanda was as good a film as Laserblast.
Crow: [dismissive] D'oh...
Servo: Broadcast News, Witness, three stars--barely superior to Laserblast.
Mike: Mm-hm.
Crow: Same for Diner.
Mike: Yeah, hm. Oh, here we go--this was a better movie than Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
Crow: Well, that's possible...
Servo: And the same caliber as Last Crusade--two-and-a-half stars.
Mike: Oh. And, uh, and yet: Blame It On the Bellboy... four stars.
Servo: [unbelieving] Where?
Crow: [incredulous] What?
Mike: No, I'm kidding.
Servo: Oh, you... You... jeez...
Mike: So, Kim Milford's greasy, pop-eyed performance was every bit as good as F. Murray Abraham's tortured performance as Salieri in Amadeus.
Crow: According to Leonard Maltin, yes, Mike.
Servo: Bagdad Café, brilliant subtle comedy--no better than Laserblast.
Mike: Here's where it gets hard--Harry and the Hendersons is every bit as good as Laserblast.
Crow: Carson McCullers' classic The Heart is a Lonely Hunter--no better than Laserblast.
[Servo notices Mike is hiding something and tries to read it.]
Mike: [reluctant] No, no--
Servo: Uhp, John Schlesinger's Oscar-winning thriller Marathon Man--on par with Laserblast, two-and-a-half stars.
Mike: Right, so Laurence Olivier's chilling performance as Szell, the White Angel, no better than the butt-faced sheriff in Laserblast.
Crow: Again, according to Leonard Maltin, yes, Mike.
Mike: OK, ah--
Servo: Ah, look here, look here, Outlaw Josey Wales AND Unforgiven! Oscar-winner. Quintessential Westerns, Eastwood at his finest. However, I think you know where we're headed with this, Mike.
Mike: Uh, yeah...
Servo, Mike: Same as Laserblast--
Servo: Two-and-a-half stars.
Mike: Oh, here we go, here's a couple more. Sophie's Choice--
Servo: Uh huh.
Mike: Uh... here's one, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory--
Servo: No!
Mike: The Great Santini--
Servo: Oh, I can't believe that!
Mike: All two-and-a-half stars.
Servo: Two-and-a-half stars.
Mike: The same quality.
Crow: Ace by the way.
Mike: Yes, Ace.
Servo: [as they leave] Peers to Laserblast.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie
[As the ending credits roll, Mike leafs through a copy of Leonard Maltin's Movie Guide .]
Mike : OK, let's look in Maltin's book here, uh he gave this two-and-a-half stars... ooh, My Favorite Year barely edges it out with three stars.
Crow : Huh.
Servo : Look here, Hannah and her Sisters is superior only by one star.
Mike : Oh wow.
Crow : [watching the film] Oh great, now a tire fire starts just off camera!
[Tom coughs. Mike turns a page.]
Mike : OK. Umm, ah, look, hey--Leonard Maltin gave the same two-and-a-half stars to My Dinner With Andre .
Crow : Uhh--
Servo : [disgusted] Name of the Rose ... this is a better film than Name of the Rose! It only got two stars!
Crow : Being There , two stars.
Mike : Uh, Lucas Tanner the movie was directed by Richard Donner... I just thought I'd point that out.
Servo : Oh. Good.
Mike : Lemme see here...
Crow : [reading the credits] Y'mean, y'mean to tell me that Ron Masak and Eddie Deezen get billing over Roddy McDowall?
Servo : Look Mike, Birdman of Alcatraz , three stars. Marginally better than Laserblast .
Crow : [still reading the credits] They spelled Roddy McDowall's name wrong...
Servo : [leaning in] What else you got?
Mike : Oh, here we go, Full Metal Jacket , three stars.
Crow : Hm?
Servo : Shame, isn't it.
Mike : Oh, hey, Seven Samurai , two stars.
Crow : [incredulous] What?!
Mike : I'm kidding.
Crow : Oh.
Servo : I hope so.
Mike : According to this, A Fish Called Wanda was as good a film as Laserblast .
Crow : [dismissive] D'oh...
Servo : Broadcast News , Witness , three stars-- barely superior to Laserblast .
Mike : Mm-hm.
Crow : Same for Diner .
Mike : Yeah, hm. Oh, here we go--this was a better movie than Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom .
Crow : Well, that's possible...
Servo : And the same caliber as Last Crusade --two-and-a-half stars.
Mike : Oh. And, uh, and yet: Blame It On the Bellboy ... four stars.
Servo : [unbelieving] Where?
Crow : [incredulous] What?
Mike : No, I'm kidding.
Servo : Oh, you... You... jeez...
Mike : So, Kim Milford's greasy, pop-eyed performance was every bit as good as F. Murray Abraham's tortured performance as Salieri in Amadeus .
Crow : According to Leonard Maltin, yes, Mike.
Servo : Bagdad Café , brilliant subtle comedy--no better than Laserblast .
Mike : Here's where it gets hard-- Harry and the Hendersons is every bit as good as Laserblast .
Crow : Carson McCullers' classic The Heart is a Lonely Hunter --no better than Laserblast .
[Servo notices Mike is hiding something and tries to read it.]
Mike : [reluctant] No, no--
Servo : Uhp, John Schlesinger's Oscar-winning thriller Marathon Man --on par with Laserblast , two-and-a-half stars.
Mike : Right, so Laurence Olivier's chilling performance as Szell, the White Angel, no better than the butt-faced sheriff in Laserblast .
Crow : Again, according to Leonard Maltin, yes, Mike.
Mike : OK, ah--
Servo : Ah, look here, look here, Outlaw Josey Wales AND Unforgiven ! Oscar-winner. Quintessential Westerns, Eastwood at his finest . However, I think you know where we're headed with this, Mike.
Mike : Uh, yeah...
Servo , Mike : Same as Laserblast --
Servo : Two-and-a-half stars.
Mike : Oh, here we go, here's a couple more. Sophie's Choice --
Servo : Uh huh.
Mike : Uh... here's one, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory --
Servo : No!
Mike : The Great Santini --
Servo : Oh, I can't believe that!
Mike : All two-and-a-half stars.
Servo : Two-and-a-half stars.
Mike : The same quality.
Crow : Ace by the way.
Mike : Yes, Ace .
Servo : [as they leave] Peers to Laserblast .
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie
http://www.tv-quotes.com/shows/mystery-science-theater-3000/quote_30736.html
