(to a man at the gas station) "Hey, Shrek! You think you can move any time this century?!"
"'Summer Breeze'? That sounds like a feminine hygiene commercial."
"I don't care about no chocolate, anyway. It gives me the runs."
"Let's drink some of that colored water, saturated with high-fructose corn syrup, get a huge sugar rush going, and then watch hours of insipid animated marsupials sing and dance their way through a jungle festooned with product placement featuring candy-laced cereals that will no doubt destroy my pancreas before I'm 12 and leave me twitching in a diabetic coma."
Other people
KGrandma Kyle
"I'm going to outlive you if it kills me!"
NNurse
"Did something die in here?"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's My Wife and Kids pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.