My Name Is Earl quotes

77 total quotes

Earl: It was like some crazy cross between Rocky and Supermarket Sweep.
Season 4

Earl: It's gone!
Dodge: What's gone?
Earl: Mystery Fun Land. They tore it down. Now I can't cross ya off the list.
Dodge: You mean your "idiot list"?
Earl: Is that what your mom calls it?
Dodge: She also puts another word in front of it, but I don't know what it means. The guy from Scarface says it a lot.
Earl Jr.: I know what it means.

Earl: Karma. You gotta love it!

Earl: No, what was weak was sitting in that room talking about your feelings.

Earl: Now, before I forget, is there anything else I need to fix?
Tess: Uhh... I used my hand on a guy a little.
Earl: [a little high-pitched] Yeah, I don't know how to un-ring that bell!

Earl: Remember, real men keep their emotions bottled up until they explode, and then they punch something that has nothing to do with what they're mad at.

Earl: We should have taken back roads, but how often do you get to surf a giant hot dog down main street?

Earl: What do the doctors say?
Little Chubby: I haven't been to a doctor. As my father used to say, "never trust a man who wants to stick his finger in your butt".
Earl: You can't argue with that logic.
Little Chubby: Yeah, well, if he was so smart he wouldn't have ended up with a hole in his head where the vodka should've been.
Season 3

Earl: Where is everybody, we've gone 10 blocks and haven't seen a soul.
Donny: Maybe they're hiding.
Randy: Marco? Polo!
Joy: Were not in the damn pool, you idiot! Olly olly oxen free!

Earl: Whoa! So. You guys are kissin'. What's that about?

Glenn: I'm gonna find you! I will track you down and wear your pelt!

Glenn: I'm gonna rip out your hair, put it in a jar and, I don't know, mail it to the pope! With a salmon.

Johnny: Woot! Sweet Johnny!

Joy: ...and third, you don't look this good without the Lord on your side!

Joy: As you can see I have a black son and a white son, but I don't see race so I can't tell which is which.