Leland Stottlemeyer and Adrian Monk in “Mr. Monk and the Very, Very Old Man”

You win. I give up.

Excuse me?

First thing tomorrow, I am going to call the Vatican, and I am nominating your late wife, Trudy, for sainthood! Because you are IMPOSSIBLE!

The lines! They're all... diagonal! I have to live here!

FORGET ABOUT THE RUG! THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE RUG! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?!? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? You're the world's best marriage counselor! You could save every marriage in California! All people would have to do is live with you for two days! Two days, and they'd never complain about their spouse again!