Malcolm and Lois in “Funeral”

I think is time to move to plan B: lying.

What book report?

I just remembered. I have a big book report due tomorrow, and I haven't even started reading it. [to the camera] Standard technique. You volunteer a small crime to distract them from looking for the big one.

So what's the report on?

[[A Tale of Two Cities].

Oh, how many words?

750.

Was that on your assignment sheet?

No, it's an addendum.

When did you get that?

Thursday. I didn't bring it home. That's why I forgot to do the assignment. [to the camera] Oh, nice one.

Well, I suppose that if it's school work.

[to the camera] That's the mislead. Wait for the reverse.

A Tale of Two Cities. Who's that by?

Charles Dickens.

Oh, I thought it was Victor Hugo.

No, it's Dickens.

Is that the one with Jean Valjean?

That's Les Miserables.

No, no. Isn't A Tale of Two Cities the one with Jean Valjean, where he says: "It's a far, far, better thing I do..." right before he steals the loaf of bread?

No. Sidney Carton says that before they behead him.

I thought you hadn't read it.

What? No, I said I hadn't written it.

And when is it due?

Tomorrow, I told you.

On Les Miserables?

Yes. No. A Tale of Two Cities.

Which you haven't read yet.

Right.

But you just said you did.

No. I-I said I didn't... and then you said... it was Thursday, and... [shouting angrily] Look, I just don't want to go to this stupid funeral!