So, Mike --
MCMike Cooper
Yes?
What sort of impression do I make?
Come again?
If we were at a bar and you hadn't seen me before.
Oh! Can I speak candidly?
I insist you speak candidly.
I think you are a hot piece of ass.
Good answer.
S3Fake The Money And Run
Come on, show some cleavage. It's a casino, not a convent.
S3Double Down, Triple Threat
Tequila's like amnesia in a bottle for me.
S3Whatever Happened To Seymour Magoon?
Who is she?
Who is who?
Come on. You wore the same suit yesterday. You have that pathetic, puppy dog grin on your face. My guess, some woman's got you by the 'nads. My advice: cut her loose. Women cannot be trusted.
Okay.
Hello? I know what I'm talking about.
I hate to say this, Sam, but you smell like a dog.
Yeah! It's Beaumont, of Silver Springs. He's this big, goofy Great Dane. My whale's showing him at the competition.
How adorable!
Yeah, he is. He reminds me of my first love, John Butler. I can't get over the resemblance.
Not the dog. The whale, right?
Yeah, I have a date with him tonight. I feel like a girl. Let's sit down and talk about it!
S3Big Ed De-cline
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Check it out! Punch in camera eight on that cell. You got it? Looks like 555-0178. Find out who's number that is.
What's going on? She diss you? You've got to learn to take no for an answer.
MMitch
That's a pay phone.
Okay. I've been here before, remember? All we've got to do is tap into the pay phone's records. Find out what number called it at 3:48 p.m. today.
MMitch
That's illegal, Mike. You can't access a public phone's records. Okay. [points at screen] She stole Ed's Aston Martin.
Daddy's car?!
Yes.
You're dead.
I know.
Good luck!
S3The Real McCoy
BMBob Marquez
Hey, sis!
Hey sis. Who are you, Greg Brady? Who says things like that?
Dear, God, please make them stop.
Yeah, your brother and your boss. Not the most holy of unions.
Nuh-uh. What am I gonna do?
Ignore it.
I'm trying, but I can't. I mean, this is interfering with my job. The time I've spent showering, alone.
Showering?
Should I talk to him? I should talk to him! Thanks, Mike!
Two words: Polyester.
Two words: Calm down.
Don't tell me to calm down! You're not even listening to me!
No, I'm not. I'm trying to study for my driver's test.
No one studies for their driver's test!
Well not everyone has a genius IQ, sweetheart.
It does come in handy sometimes. Hey, quit changing the subject! This is a slippery slope, Daddy. I mean, first the wait-staff at Mystique wears polyester uniforms, then who knows what she'll suggest? Stripes with plaids? Denim on denim's? Skorts?!
Skorts? What's a skort?
Where does it end, Daddy? Where??
BMBob Marquez
She touches me, Sam, to the soul and beyond.
I'm going to slap you.
BMBob Marquez
We're soulmates, and I'm thinking she's going to be part of our family one day.
I'm going to go throw up.
S3Bold, Beautiful And Blue
Did you know I was a magician's assistance once?
Why does that not surprise me?
The Amazing Roger. He was super cute. I actually learned a few tricks myself.
Really? Like what?
Once we were driving home from a show, and I put my hand on his thigh and he turned into a motel.
[Looking at Mary and Sam's revealing tops] I'm sorry, did we open a Hooters?
[Motioning to Monica's chest] If we did, you're in trouble.
S3Mothwoman
So... you're my new boss.
Yep.
Mmm...[Delinda opens her blouse and showing her bra] So, uh, if I do this,you could fire me?
Yes!
[Delinda opens her blouse again] So I won't do that again.
Would you stop that, please.
Yes, sir, Mr. President.
.[Delinda walks away and opens her blouse again] Stop that.
GPGreen Phantom
Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Green Phantom!
Actually, you're costume is wrong.
GPGreen Phantom
What?
Your mask should be less Batman and more Zorro. Your cape's too long and your boots are all wrong, and hike up your pants for God's sake! You're supposed to be a super hero!
I guess it's just me and you, girl.
Oy.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Las Vegas pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.