CCrow
You look pretty tasty.
PRPeter Rickman
Get away from me.
CCrow
I think I'll start with your eyes.
S1 E15Unfinished Business
You're a real mess, my friend. I mean, you're seriously racked up.
Please...
Save your strength. That'd be my advice. You'll need it.
LLenny
Let the lamp affix its beam. The only emperor is the Emperor of Ice Cream!
PPaul
Popsicle or fudgesicle?
You saved my life.
I did more than that. I saved the quality of your life.
MMary
My name is Mary.
Why do you look so sad?
MMary
I lost my dolly.
Is that all?
MMary
I'm afraid.
Who are you afraid of, Honey?
MMary
(Sees Paul appear) Of him! Of him! (Paul grabs her.)
Leave her alone!
PPaul
Leave it alone, short-time! Butt out! That'd be my advice. She's not the only one who has a bell!
MMary
Help me!
How? What do I do?
MMary
(As Paul disappears through the wall with her.) Let Antubis help you!
Who the hell is Antubis?
SStegman
Maine hick scum! How dare you?! There will be reprisals for this! REPRISALS!
PPaul
There's an old woman, a meddling old woman. If she comes in here and she tries to talk to your roommate, kill her.
RRolf
Why?
PPaul
Never mind, just do it.
RRolf
I'm not sure I can, I...
PPaul
You can, you betta. Do you know the beauty part? No one will even ask you why you did it, you're craaazzzy.
RRolf
Thats why I'm seeing you isn't it? Because I'm crazy?
PPaul
You don't really believe that.
PPaul
[Laughing] Should I finish him off?
ADAmbulence Dispatch
Code 4 in progress at the courthouse. A lawyer in v-fib.
NNurse
A fibbing lawyer! Sounds perfectly normal to me.
[The Operating Room receives personal-injury lawyer and coronary patient Sheldon Fleischer, but nobody wants to handle him.]
FFleischer
It's okay, please. I promise… I promise I won't sue you. I'll sign a waiver. Please.
[The staff consider this for a moment, then…]
[rapidly] Awright. Well, you heard him. We got a lawyer here — every second counts. I want that digital minicam running at 24 frames per second trained on this patient's torso at all times.
[Everyone starts scrambling at his rapid-fire commands.]
I want a second camera, handheld, covering any medical personnel that touch this patient for any reason. I want a third camera trained on me, the attending physician. I would like all orders typed, not handwritten, proof-read, and printed in triplicate — and notarized. Where's the notary?
[A handheld camera pans over to a man in a business suit covered with an OR gown.]
NNotary
Notary public, right here.
Danny, is that a genuine and accurate record of all the medications and procedures received by this patient while being transported to this medical facility?
EDEMT Danny
Yes, Doctor.
CLEAR!
[Hook slaps the paperwork down on Fleischer's exposed chest.]
FFleischer
Ooh!
[The notary moves in and clamps his seal onto the paper — against Fleischer's chest.]
FFleischer
Ooh! Ugh.
Sign.
[Fleischer scribbles his signature on the forms. Hook turns to the handheld cameras.]
[still rapid-fire] My name's Dr. Hook. I attended Columbia University Medical School…
[Cut to a stenographer typing furiously, then back to Hook.]
[rapidly] … from 1992 to 1996 and graduated magna cum laude. I was trained as a surgical resident at Johns Hopkins and did my fellowship at Boston General. With a reasonable degree of medical certainty and according to a standard of care exercised by similarly qualified practictioners, in the same or similar circumstance in a community of the same or similar size, I shall now order 1 milligram of atropine, 1 milligram of epinephrine on standby, 100% oxygen through high-flow mask with a 250cc reservoir attached. So help me God!
[Cut to Fleischer looking up at the medical staff, who loom over him, their voices echoing oddly.]
20 milligrams of Nabisco Frosted Mini-Wheats, IV-pushed. 5cc coronary anti-freeze. Fifty units Formula 409, STP oil treatment, and WD-40, stat! A portable chest death ray, a sterile claw hammer, and 10 milligrams of napalm and nitroglycerin in per-saline drip, [whimsically] and a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down!
[Dr. Hook is closing up a brain operation on Earl Candleton, a baseball player who famously lost an old World Series by flubbing a catch.]
GDr. Gupta
"Error" Candleton, right here in front of us. It's— it's unreal. You know, Otto claims he was in here once before.
[Hook flashes on his tiny model cemetery commemorating all the botched operations at Kingdom, including his own.]
Maybe you haven't made errors of your own yet, but you will. And when you do, you'll want mercy.
GDr. Gupta
Yeah, it's just what everybody calls him.
Not in front of me.
RJReverend Jimmy
Forgive them, for they know not what they do.
HMHomeless Man
Guys, this ain't water no more. It's wine.
PPaul
Call the doctor call the nurse. This guy's goofy and gettin' worse...!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Kingdom Hospital pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.