Colton Rhodes quotes from Justified

Colton Rhodes

[as he beats Teri] Hey, listen, I'm-I'm not a bad person.

Tim Gutterson

[calling Colt realizing he's put IEDs in cars to ambush his team] Am I right in saying that you were in the sandbox before Afghanistan?

Colton Rhodes

I am a double winner. Is that why you called, to ask me that?

Tim Gutterson

Oh, why? You busy?

Colton Rhodes

I am in the middle of something.

Tim Gutterson

All right, I'll make it quick. I'm writing a book set in Iraq. There's a chapter where a convey of military police is transporting a criminal, and Lieutenant Dan, he's our main guy, he gets a bad feeling—

Colton Rhodes

Forrest Gump.

Tim Gutterson

Huh?

Colton Rhodes

There's a Lieutenant Dan in Forrest Gump.

Tim Gutterson

Oh shit, you're right. I'll change it. Lieutenant Colt.

Colton Rhodes

I would like a young Gérard Depardieu to play me in the movie. I'm honored.

Tim Gutterson

Well you should be, he's a big guy, a real badass, or he was, he's kind of losing his grip when we meet him, he's lost someone, he's started using dope that he confiscated.

Colton Rhodes

Yeah but then we find out he's kicked again, and anyone who thinks he's in anyway diminished is in for a big surprise.

Tim Gutterson

Yeah, but he's the kind of character might say he's kicked but we all know he's just one broken shoelace away from sayin' "screw it" and picking up again.

Colton Rhodes

How about you have him go into a bar and pick a fight with some rangers and he send a couple of them to the hospital?

Tim Gutterson

It's not a fantasy. Anyway, he gets a bad feeling when they pass an abandoned vehicle, sees a second and a third, so he's thinking IEDs triggered by cell. You ever come across anything like that?

Colton Rhodes

Me, personally? No. But I did hear about this one convoy, couple of Frankensteins and a gun truck on Highway 10. So, the spotter, he calls a halt between the first two cars thinking the Hajis will blow the second if it moves forward, and the first if it tries to go back.

Tim Gutterson

Well, how'd they get out of it?

Colton Rhodes

Yeah, they didn't. Because they were too afraid to move, they just sat there in their vehicles, pssing and shitting in their helmets, too afraid to toss it out the windows on account of possible snipers. Then they ran out of food. They started eating each other till there was only one left, and he blew his brains out. Do you want to know the sad part?

Tim Gutterson

Oh, there's a sad part?

Colton Rhodes

Yeah. Because they were so afraid to move, they never found out whether or not the cars had explosives. So basically, they all died from being pussies.

Colton Rhodes

[lighting a cigarette] Gonna quit tomorrow.

Tim Gutterson

What do you think you're doing?

Colton Rhodes

I'm smoking.

Tim Gutterson

Did you kill my friend?

Colton Rhodes

You know what it's like to be in the shit. Go back there enough times, and bad things happen.

Tim Gutterson

So, you did kill him?

Colton Rhodes

Collateral damage. I'm sorry about what happened to your friend Mark, but I think most of him died somewhere in Kandahar.

Tim Gutterson

Only part I'm concerned about is the one that died here. Last time I'm telling you. Put your weapon on the ground.

Colton Rhodes

[Colt exhales his cigarette smoke] I guess I'll quit today.