Dewey Crowe quotes from Justified

Dewey Crowe

You know, Boyd... for a guy who supposedly changed, you sound an awful lot like you always did.

Dewey Crowe

[to Boyd] I know you think I'm stupid, Boyd, but...[long beat] I ain't.

Dewey Crowe

God, I ain't prayed in a while. It's just, I...listen, I ain't fixing to die out here in the woods like some animal. You hear me? That's bullshit. Jesus, if you help me find him, once I kill him, I swear, I'll straighten up. I'll go to church, Sunday school, whatever you want. But, Goddamnit, I got to get this thing done, you understand? I ain't ever asked you for shit!

Dewey Crowe

I give you a gift, the anus is on you to take care of it, not just give it away to any old dick face happens along.

Boyd Crowder

Well, how'd he get you to talk, then?

Dewey Crowe

He deputized me.

Boyd Crowder

He did what?

Dewey Crowe

He said he could deputize me, and then I had to talk.

Boyd Crowder

Oh, that Raylan Givens. He sure is a clever one.

Raylan Givens

Have you been pissing?

Dewey Crowe

He took my kidneys, Raylan, not my dick!

Raylan Givens

Your kidneys are for pissing. So why don't you try taking a leak, and if you can do it, then we know you still got your two kidneys.

Dewey Crowe

Come on, come on. [starts urinating] Holy shit. You mean I have four kidneys?

Mike Reardon

Mr. Crowe, a settlement offer of $20,000 has already been made. The U.S. attorney has modified it to three hundred. Do you accept that offer?

Dewey Crowe

No, I do not! After what I've been through? My kidneys and everything? You telling me all I get is $300?

Mike Reardon

$300,000, you nitwit.

Mike Reardon

I'll take that as a yes.

Dewey Crowe

You can't keep me in here, Daryl. This is false imprisonment or some shit.

Daryl Crowe Jr.

So, what, you gonna call the law on me?

Dewey Crowe

Well, supposing I did, you son of a bitch, what then? All that shit you made me do, dragging Messer into the woods to kill him! Why'd you make me do that, huh? Why?!

Daryl Crowe Jr.

You about done with your little hissy fit? Can we talk?

Dewey Crowe

Why did you make me do that?

Daryl Crowe Jr.

I'll tell you why. So I know you a damn Crowe. You're one of us.

Dewey Crowe

I ain't one of you.

Daryl Crowe Jr.

You ain't? So go on and run away like a full-blown bitch. Go ahead. But I'll tell you what—you get out in the world and take to running your mouth about your kin and all the bad shit we done, just remember which one of us pulled that trigger on Messer. Yeah, big man. That was all you, boy. All you. Or you can take the plunge, stay with family, be a part of what the Crowes are building here, reap the benefits of that good loyalty.

Dewey Crowe

Sounds like you're selling me tires.

Daryl Crowe Jr.

Nah, I'm selling you a life, Dewey Crowe. You just got to make a choice.

Dewey Crowe

That's gonna look awful bad, we get pulled over with a load of dead dudes in the truck.

You ain't gotta worry, cousin Dewey. We'll hide 'em underneath all that heroin.

Dewey Crowe

This conversation is just you and me.

Boyd Crowder

Hold on, Dewey, I'm gonna put you on speaker phone.

Dewey Crowe

This it then, Raylan? No final words, put Dewey Crowe in his place?

Raylan Givens

My advice? Stop talking about yourself in the third person. Makes you sound like a fool.

Dewey Crowe

Third person? This guy? [indicating the driver] Man, I don't understand you.

Dewey Crowe

I want to go back. I want it to be like it used to be at the church, when we was Crowder's commandos!

Boyd Crowder

You, me, and Devil.

Dewey Crowe

Yes! And the Pork brothers, giving me no end of shit. The music cranked so loud that we almost blew the roof off that old church. Bombing around in my Cadillac and making war plans and drinking 'shine. Why can't it be like that again, Boyd?