[voiceover] Split apart, reunited or adjusted for new conditions on the ground, family is a double edged sowrd. They are the best of times, the worst of times, your keys to the kingdom and the skeletons in your closet. If only we didn't have to eat dinner with them.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[voiceover] Winston Churchill famously said that democracy is the worst form of government... except for all the others. The same goes for family. Or as we'd say on our side of the pond, nobody picks on my brother but me.
[Mary is threatening Brian about Sabrina] I'm gonna break it down for you. If you touch, talk or so much as accidentally glance at Sabrina, I will find you. I will hunt you down like a lioness looking for dinner. I will haunt you in your dreams til you wake up in your little race car bed with your Transformer sheets soaked through.
[voiceover] People say "you can't chose your family." What you can do is look deeper than the dinner table, beyond the DNA and redefine the word. No one knows that better than I do.
[to Stan, after he assigned Marshall to a case he didn't want] I'm taking Sabrina to Chicago to see her mother today. How am I supposed to revel in Marshall's misery from 1,000 miles away?
Sorry to blow your weekend.
BBrian
[to Sabrina] Who's the foxy Gen X-er, Breen? Your sister or your stepmom?
Too soon to tell. Her dad and I just started Facebook poking.
Okay, now I get to tell you where we're going. Chicago. Exciting, right? Cubs, Second City, deep-dish pizza.
SSabrina
I hate baseball, I don't know what that second thing is, and I'm lactose intolerant. So.
But we have your sunny disposition. So there's that...
What are you doing here?
Well, Sabrina's mom screwed the pooch; showed up four hours late and cut the weekend short. So sad for them. So sweet for me. Free food; fights; food fights.
You're actually hoping for violence.
I'm not hoping. Rooting.
[to a priest turned bartender] I'm just saying. Maybe all you've done is gone from offering counsel and absolution to offering counsel and Absolut.
GGabe
Been sitting on that awhile?
Weeks.
I don't know, maybe I should just pick a bar, down some shots and do some cowboy.
Uh huh.
What? What's uh huh?
If you feel like you need to get something out of your system. If you need to go do some cowboy.
What?
You've done the cowboy. And when you weren't doing the cowboy, you were the cowboy, like with Raph. You don't need to let off steam, what you need is I get that you don't like messy, but maybe messy is what you need. Maybe instead of just anyone you should be looking for someone. Someone who challenges you, who calls you on your BS and gets in your face and makes you think. [pauses] What?
What? I'm thinking.
I've got a going away present for the priest. I've got the gift of Gabe!
Hilarious. You know, giving gifts to witnesses isn't really allowed.
Yeah. A) No kidding, B) Gabe opted out of WitSec, and C) What's it like for a pussycat to walk around in people clothes?
[Father Gabe has opted out of WITSEC]
GGabe
I should be going. I've got to work this weekend. My new parish needs me.
Of course they need you. A church in Vegas? God knows what those derelicts have been up to.
GGabe
He does, indeed.
I don't like you opting out of WITSEC. A courtroom full of guilty doesn't make you safe. Even Flora knows that.
GGabe
I'm glad she's coming into the program, but my mind's made up. I've got a new parish, a new city, one last name change. Only the calling's the same. To quote one of the all time great philosophers...
Please don't.
GGabe
(imitating Popeye) "I am what I am."
(laughs) Amen to that. Hey, I got you a little something. Just something.
GGabe
Whoa! Should I open it?
Uh, in the car. It's a sign. Not your kind. My kind. A sign. You can hang it on your wall.
GGabe
Ah!
So...
GGabe
Bless you, Mary.
Take a hike, Father. Oh! Hey, I owe you a punch line.
GGabe
That you do. Let's hear it.
A priest, a stripper, and a cop walk into a bar. Bartender looks at them and says... "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
[voiceover] I am what many would call, often as accusation, a non believer. It's a charge I consider unfair, because all of us, no matter the connection we feel or don't, when sitting under the stars, or feeling the world closing in, doing what comes naturally or rearranging the furniture, all of us believe in something. I believe in many things. I believe in first impressions, and second chances. For strippers, priests, and hopeless, hapless sisters. I believe in telling the truth to the people you love at every possible turn. And lying, just a little, at what seems the appropriate time. I believe in finding people you'd run through a brick wall for, and making sure they know it, if not in so many words. But mostly, I believe in justice... sweet, street and otherwise. Justice. That's my church.
[voiceover] Make no mistake: buying a car or copping a plea, deal making is a bloodsport. When a witness lands on my doorstep he's trading in his testimony, his hometown, and everyone he ever knew for a life at the end of the road. So we set him up; a new name, address, a job we hope he won't hate, but the one thing I can't give him, the deal I've yet to strike, is the one that protects him from the guy in the mirror.
I'm impressed.
With what?
You seem to be following a direct order.
[scoffs] I always follow a direct order. Unless, you know, it's stupid.
I'm also impressed you seem to be rolling with change. It's not something at which you are adept.
Hey, I'm adept at change! I mean, did I not go on vacation with Faber? No one, including me, thought I could vacate, and I vacated!
During the so-called vacation you convinced Faber to go make things work with his ex-wife and kids, which proves my thesis that you prefer a known situation that's deeply flawed to an unknown situation potentially free of flaws.
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