[finding a prostitute in a bear suit performing oral sex on a businessman a la The Shining] And that porridge is just right.
[finding several multi-colored dildos] These must the magic carrots that make the reindeer fly!
I haven't had a drink in nineteen hours. I'm dry as a cured ham.
CMrs. Claus
You wear a Santa suit, you got issues, one way or another. Goes with the territory. But the guy you're looking for is something else. Reminds me of a fella we all knew back in the day. Back when Christmas was Christmas. Worked at Gimbel's before it closed down. This was like Madison Square Garden for Santas. The big enchilada. He was good. Real good. No one suspected what really went on behind all the tinsel and cellophane. Turns out the guy was real sicko. A monster. The elves knew, though. You can't keep much from those little sons of bitches. They knew what he did to the kids when mommy and daddy weren't around and they hated him for it! He was giving all of us in the yuletide economic niche a bad name. He ended up hanging himself in the Ladies' Intimates. The elves made sure of it.
Yeah, it's a swell story, but need I remind you that my monster is very much alive and kicking. Now this Gimbel's piñata Santa - what the hell does he have to do with the price of ass in China?
CMrs. Claus
Not him. The son. He had a kid, that one. Can you imagine? Wound up institutionalized. No one heard anything about him after that.
It's the kid, Nick!
Bit of a leap, ain't it?
CMrs. Claus
I ain't saying he's the one you're looking for. I ain't saying he ain't. Still... I wonder some nights... Where's that little boy, now?
AHAmanda Hansen
So... ready for that talk?
I don't want to talk.
AHAmanda Hansen
You don't want to talk. You promised. I asked you, and you promised. How about this? You don't have to say anything at all. I just need to ask you a question. What if we were to... add another stocking to the mantle?
[sarcastically, maliciously] Well, Amanda, that is a wonderful idea. Let's bring an innocent child into this wonderful, wonderful world, filled with wonderful, wonderful people, wonderful sights, wonderful sounds. Our little, perfect family - you, me and our bundle of bones, and flesh... and blood. I mean, why not have a child? What's the worst thing that can happen? Winds up like me?
[While fighting Very Bad Santa]
That's funny. You look just like your picture.
VBVery Bad Santa
[to Happy] I can see you...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Happy! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.