[to new interns] I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up. I already hate you, that's not gonna change.
Traumas protocol, phone lists, pagers. The nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run. A run. That's rule number two. [notices the interns are not following her] You're supposed to follow me.
The first shift starts now and lasts 36 hours. You're grunts, nobodies, the bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, and you work every second night until you drop. And you don't complain.
On call rooms. Sleep when you can, where you can. You know, but not with anybody. Not attendings, especially not attendings. Sleeping with attendings, not a good idea. Where was I?
Er, rule number three. If you're sleeping, do not wake you unless the patient's actually dying.
The dying patient better not be dead when I get there, because not only will you have killed someone, you will have woken me for no good reason. Are we clear? [Lexie raises her hand] Yes?
That was four rules. You said five.
Rule number five. When I move, you move. [awkward pause as nobody moves] Go! [Cristina's interns scramble off]
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