[voiceover] Surgeons are all messed up. We're butchers, messed up knife happy butchers. We cut people up, we move on. Patients die on our watch, we move on to the next patient and the next. We cause trauma, we suffer trauma. We don't have time to worry about all the blood and death and crap really makes us feel.
“Elevator Love Letter” · Season 5, Episode 19
In this episode: Derek Shepherd (2), Alex Karev (2), Meredith Grey (1), Miranda Bailey (1), Richard Webber (1), Callie Torres (1), Arizona Robbins (1), Izzie Stevens (1)
I wished Izzie Stevens would die. I wished her dead every day, of every week, for I don't even know how long. I woke up every morning, wishing Izzie Stevens would die, and now... What kind of person wishes someone would die? What kind of... what kind of doctor wishes, knowing how things happen. What kind of doctor wishes...
Are you in here, right now, praying for Izzie to die?
No. I'm praying for her to live.
We'll see you soon Dr. Stevens.
I hope so.
Know so.
Dr. Bailey if something goes wrong...
It won't.
The scarf, I made it for you.
It's a beautiful night to save lives. Let's get started.
Webber Wait. Um. Wait. No. You can't take that one.
Meredith Why not?
I said don't take it.
I will take the elevator I want to take.
[Webber blocks elevator door. Door closes and Meredith presses the button for a new elevator. Other elevator door opens.]
Well go on.
Hey! Come on in. This is a CT of Katie Bryce. 16 year old female, subarachnoid aneurysm.
From a fall during rhythmic gymnastics, I remember.
It was the first surgery we ever scrubbed in together. Our first save. Right here is a cerebral cyst. Tough save, but we did it. I kissed you in the stairwell, after the surgery. And this right here is where Dr. Bailey kicked you out of the surgery because she caught us in your driveway in my car. [both laugh] And right here, this was a seven hour craniotomy and you held the clamp the entire time, never flinched. That's when I knew you were going to be an incredible surgeon. And right here, this is when I supervised you drilling a burr hole for the very first time. I was watching you more than I was watching the drilling, because I knew I'd fallen in love with you. Beth Monroe, made our clinical trial a success by surviving. You talked me into putting her under. That's when I knew I needed you. And this is today. Post op head CT of Izzie Stevens. See that, right there? Tumor free. Because of you. You got me into the OR. If there's a crisis you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse. And you know we'll survive too. You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw. It's a strength. It makes you who you are. I'm not going to get down on one knee. I'm not going to ask a question. I love you Meredith Grey. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
[voiceover]: Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.
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