Sarah: Are there any new developments?
Dan: Uh, no, no, more of the same. Jenny and her boyfriend are inseparable and Jenny is more insufferable.
Vanessa: Give her a break, Asher's her first love.
Dan: It's infatuation, it's not love.
Sarah: Yeah, but to a fifteen-year-old girl, there isn't a difference.
[Dan realises Sarah and Vanessa have a point]
Vanessa: And how long did it take you, Dan?
Dan: Uh, um, that's a little different, Vanessa. It took me... [Vanessa interrupts]
Vanessa: Uh, one glance at a ninth grade birthday party.
Dan: Yes, but two years to obsess over.

Blair: [On the phone] Hi, this is Blair Waldorf, I was wondering if any of the pieces I put on hold today were picked up. The diamond necklace. Okay, thank you. [Looking up at the ceiling] Thank you, thank you!

Blair: [talking to Georgina] Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here.

Sarah: So things are better with Serena?
Dan: Serena, yeah, yeah, good memory.
Sarah: Right.
Dan: Things are finally back to normal.
Sarah: Good. Well, I mean, you know, it's tough making friends in a new city. It would be really nice to meet her.
Dan: Yeah, Serena would love you. She loves everybody. Not that she wouldn't like you because she doesn't discriminate. Um, see what she meant about that rambling thing? [Vanessa laughs] How's tonight?
Sarah: Tonight would be perfect.
Dan: Good. See you.

Blair: At least I could have gotten a more interesting stand-in than James. You know how hard it is to find a good fake boyfriend on short notice?

Blair: [To Serena's voice mail] Maybe we should crash the shoot, anyway. See who they replaced me with. Make fun of that skinny bitch.

Bart Bass: [to Chuck] What's with the business formal? Are you being arraigned for something?

Blair: [to Ms. Queller] I'm innocent. Well, except for a crime of passion. I did something stupid with someone and even worse than doing that stupid thing I did the same stupid thing with someone else and pretended I had never done that stupid thing before. You look confused, should I walk you through it?

Blair: Best man speech going that well?
Chuck: There won't be a dry eye in the house, trust me. How did things go with Whore-gina?
Blair: Not a dry eye there either.
Chuck: Didn't know I wasn't missed?
Blair: Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand it was nice to see him get his dirty for once. I'm not sure how much fun he had though, no one ever enjoys their first time. [Fixes Chuck's bowtie.]
Chuck: Except you, save me a dance? [Blair grabs hold of Chuck who was irritated by what Chuck said]
Blair: Now that Georgina's done, so are you and I, she was the last thing we had in common. [Kicks Chuck's shin, Chuck grunts after Blair kicks him] Ha, break a leg [sarcastically]
Chuck: I think I just did.
Season 2

Anne: May I remind you that it was your own rash actions that got us into this predicament.
Nate: We're in this predicament because Dad has a drug problem. I was trying to help him.
Anne: Then help him.

Asher: Do you really think that someone like me would date someone like you, Jenny from Brooklyn?

Blair: Damn that mother Chucker! He's totally right! I don't even like James!
Serena: Thank you. I was totally waiting for that.

Blair: [to Nate and Chuck] I need your help.
Nate: What's going on with her?

Blair: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been...awhile since my last confession.
Priest: What troubles you, my child?
Blair: [Sighs] After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly twenty minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a Speak-Easy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened, thank God.
Priest: Ahem.
Blair: Sorry. Truthfully, I'm not even Catholic.
Priest: [Sarcastically] You don't say?
Blair: But losing my virginity to Chuck Bass? None of my friends will ever understand. I'm ready for my punishment. Whatever you and God think is fair. Flogging, fasting, putting that thing with the teeth around my thigh like Silas.
Priest: How about some food for thought instead? Don't drink, keep your clothes on, try avoiding those who might cause you to stray.
Blair: Oh, I plan to. Thank you, Father. That was very good advice. [Gets up to leave but comes back] You don't grant birthday wishes, do you?
Priest: I'm a priest, not a genie.
Blair: Well, the next time you talk to Him, would you ask Him to send my boyfriend back to me?

Blair: Chuck likes to brag about his conquests, not his victims.