[After Rachel and Finn finish singing. Mike claps a little, Tina stops him]
Mercedes: Okay, do I even have to say it?
Sam: That was rude.
Tina: Like really rude.
Quinn: I seriously wanted to punch both of you.

[After the performance of "Give Up the Funk" by New Directions]
Puck: See you punks at Regionals. [He leaves the stage.]
Jesse: [Shocked] They did a funk number. [To Giselle who's sitting next to him] We've never been able to pull off a funk number.
Giselle: Well, that's because we're soulless automatons.
Jesse: I'm so depressed.

[Jacob and Lauren are watching New Directions perform 'Toxic' during the Homecoming Assembly]
Jacob: I love Britney Spears!
Lauren: I wanna be that hat!
Jacob: Take it off! Yes!
Lauren: Mr. Schue, let me be your Britney!
Jacob: [Moans, jumps up and down] It's so sexy! It's so sexy!
Lauren: Mr. Schue I want you!
Jacob: [Pointing at the stage] Don't stop doing that! Don't stop doing that! Yes! Yes! [Jacob grabs the butt of the person standing in front of him. It turns out to be a guy] Uh-oh. [The guy punches Jacob]
Sue: It's a Britney Spears sex riot! [Pulls the fire alarm]

[The New Directions are eating on the Red Stairs.]
Kurt: A year and a half ago, the New Directions were nothing but a group of six misfits stumbling their way through a horrific rendition of "Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat". Now, here we are at the top of the show choir heap. Nationals!
Tina: I wanna hit up Central Park, get my frolic on!
Puck: I wanna throw stuff off the Brooklyn Bridge.
Finn: Guys hold on, I mean, we still have two songs to write.
Kurt: Okay, Mr Bossypants. But I think we have some time for a tune before we leave. [begins to sing] Start spreading the news. [everyone begins to join in] I'm leaving today. I wanna be a part of it. New York, New York!
Rachel: Guys, I have news. To celebrate our impending win at Nationals, I got us all thirteen tickets to Broadway's longest running show ever; Cats!
[Everyone begins to cheer.]

Brittany: Joe is really pretty, but I heard she doesn't shave her armpits.

Brittany: Quinn, you're still dancing in my dreams. And you can fly and breathe fire.

Burt: You and me, we've been doing this dance for over a decade. You know, Starsky and gay Hutch.

Emma: Champagne on a Tuesday? You've gone all Hunter S. Thompson.

Emma: I have OCD. I throw away a broom after I've used it once, and you think I'm gonna get married at a campground?

Joe: I was having feelings.
Sam: You mean like, in your pants feelings?

Mercedes Jones: Sam just tweeted that I smell good.
Sam Evans: I won't stop 'til it's trending.

Puck: I'm gonna miss all of you. I love you guys.

Rachel: Finn sends me cute text messages all the time. They're usually puns about my boobs, but I still appreciate the effort.

Sam: I'm a good Christian, there's just no way a dude's gonna be able to resist.

Sam: Quinn's a great girl, but you're gonna have to decide: do you wanna be closer to God or closer to her?