[waitressing] Hello, I'm new here, I'm not telling you my name. Our special today is penne alla vodka and Red Bull, and our soup is Italian divorce, I'll be back with your NDAs.
“Alf Musik” · Season 1, Episode 3
In this episode: Wickie Roy (2), Dawn Solano (1)
GGloria
[about Dawn's young son Max] He's a classic New York Lonely Boy.
What?
GGloria
New York Lonely Boy. A son born to older parents who's more comfortable around adults than kids. Yeah, they're all over the city, eating sushi. They usually wear a fedora, high-fiving a doorman.
That sounds like some Manhattan shit. We're Queens people. Our heat comes from one really hot vertical pipe.
GGloria
Well, they're in all the boroughs. Except Staten Island, 'cause there's never been an only child from there.
How do you know about this?
GGloria
Half my patients have one. But you're in good company: John Slattery has one, Kyle MacLachlan has one, Matthew Broderick is one.
. . .
JSJohn Slattery
Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you, but it looks like you've got yourself a real New York Lonely Boy there.
Um, yeah, uh, I guess I do, John Slattery.
JSJohn Slattery
All I can say is, congratulations. A New York Lonely Boy is the greatest gift a parent could ask for.
It is?
JSJohn Slattery
Heck yeah. I had five siblings. I was too busy fighting for food to develop a single goddamn interest. But this kid, he teaches us things. He know Mandarin, he make sourdough bread, he makes these little movies—
TBTalia Balsam
Oh with the marionettes, it's very imaginative.
JSJohn Slattery
Yeah, he loves museums.
TBTalia Balsam
Oh, he's really good at a dinner party
JSJohn Slattery
[to his son] What was that thing you said the other night?
HSHarry Slattery
Never trust a restaurant on a corner.
JSJohn Slattery
He's right! They always phone it in. Every day's like Father's Day, he's our best friend.
TBTalia Balsam
Don't worry, they don't stay lonely forever. Before you know it they're dating a 23-year-old named Lucy; she's a landscape architect but she, she also submits fiction to the New Yorker.
So I won't ruin my son by not having another baby?
TBTalia Balsam
No. If anything, the baby will ruin him.
AMAlf Musik
You have a problem with my song? I worked quite hard on it. 40 minutes—20 metric.
No, it's fire. I was thinking of adding a "woah oh oh oh" right before "Cram it wherever."
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