Gary quotes from Gary the Rat

Gary

You may get some extra time for the sheer STUPIDITY of the crime, but we'll fight it!

Gary

Well, Bud...with an L... here's ten dollars. I want you to take it home to your mother and have her buy some IUD's!

Gary

Mr. Bugs, your information has been very useful. I would have thought your presence here would have been a complete waste of time as you come of as someone with the intellect of a retarded snow pea.

Gary

Ah, there she is, right on time. Hi mom, I was actually starting to get...I'm sorry, there's no Adolf Oliver Nipple here. I.P. Freely? Oh... Damn Juveniles!...Mommy...

Now if you'll just turn over on the table and drop your pants, I'd like to get a look inside your colon.

Gary

I beg your pardon.

Your colon, I must examine it.

Gary

Sorry to burst your bubble Dr. Doolittle. But the mud-whistle and all the roads leading to it, are closed for the day.

So what seems to be the problem?

Gary

Well, for starters, I'm a six-foot rat.

You're not happy with your height. That's a good start.

Gary

So, you're saying that cigarette smoking gave you throat cancer?

[Through voice box] Yes, that is correct.

Gary

But you clearly saw the Surgeon General's warning on each and every pack!

I'm blind!

Gary

Excuses!

This is my babe: Rose.

Gary

My condolences to you, Rose.

Bunnies are fun!

Gary

And condolences to you, Bud. This is five dollars. I'll only give it to you if you promise not to procreate.

I like gum.

Gary

Okay, let's make it ten.

[Through speaker phone] Hey Betty, find out where the hell that giant freak rat Andrews is and send him into my office!

He's right here sir.

Then tell him to haul his freak rat bastard ass in here right now!

Gary

I can hear you, sir.

Of course you can, you've got those giant mutant ears, NOW Andrews!

Um..I accidentally got molested on the way here.

Gary

You mean mugged?

No...molested.

Gary

Uh huh, and how does one accidentally get molested?

You'd be surprised.

Gary

I'm not going to this reunion and there is nothing you can say to make me change my mind!

Andrews your fired! Get the hell out of the building!

Gary

A reunion you say? Fanatstic idea, I might even wear a tux.

Anthony Stilletto is one of the most high profile Mafia bosses ever to run this city. The guy gets in more trouble than a busload of priests on the way to a boy scout jamboree. The man's a goldmine and I want him.

Gary

I understand, sir. But what about Mr. Stilletto's current representation?

Poor sot accidently fell on a pickaxe.

Gary

A pickaxe?

47 times.

Well how's about I stick that rat tail of yours in the garbage disposal and then pull your fingernails back with a shrimp fork?

Gary

How about I go to the closet, get my shotgun and shoot you and your kitty in the face?

Stalemate.

[sniffs] Holy Christ Andrews, what's that smell ?? You're stinking up the whole building

Gary

That'd be the remnants of your 40 dollar girlfriend. You probably could catch her at the elevator if you hurry.