Walter Bishop quotes from Fringe

Olivia

Why would they do that? I mean, what would they want with me? What were they doing? Who could they be?

Walter

You're like a question machine.

Peter

The man's insane, Olivia.

Walter

I concur, and in the category of takes one to know one… that man did seem disturbed.

Peter

[to Olivia] You're talking about a man who infects people with giant viruses. If you hadn't escaped, who knows what they would have done to you. Listen to me, you just told him that you killed his wife. He said that to you to try to get a reaction out of you. To get to you. Let it go. You got his confession. Go home.

Walter

I was worried too. When you were taken.

Olivia

Thank you, Walter.

Walter

[looking at Peter] Not as much as him, of course.

Astrid

The coroner's on the way with a body.

Walter

You know, this is the part of the day that I look forward to the most. When I know there's something bizarre out there, I just don't know what it is. Like a grab bag of disturbing events.

Olivia

Astrid, can you check his hard drive? I had it transferred with some of his other effects.

Astrid

I've got it right here, I'm on it.

Walter

Be sure to check his floppy disks as well.

Peter

Ah, floppy disks are a little outdated. Why don't you focus on what you do best. All yours -- [hands Walter a beaker full of goo] -- liquid brains.

Walter

Fantastic! I'll get the bone saw.

Walter

All we know is that his brain matter has been completely liquefied. How? My first thought is an extremely virulent form of syphilis.

Olivia

You're saying that his brain could have been cooked by an STD?

Walter

Safe sex is important. You do always have your sexual partners wear a condom, I hope?

Peter

Walter...

Peter

I tried to expense a couple of Celtic tickets on the FBI--she caught me.

Walter

Oh, I see. I hope she doesn't notice the $2,000 for the baboon seminal fluid I ordered. I hope I can recall why I ordered it.

Astrid

It also gave him four extra nipples.

Peter

Maybe he mutated into an opossum.

Walter

No, opossum's have 15 mammaries, unlike most mammals, who have an even number of nipples. Hence, the one half rule regarding nipples.

Astrid

The one half nipple rule?

Peter

You just had to ask, didn't you?

Walter

The typical number of young in the litter is usually equal to half the number nipples on the animal. The number of nipples being the maximum litter size. Humans, for example, one child is the typical. Maximum, twins. Barring extraordinary cases when the young exceed the number of nipples.

Peter

God, I hope I never have to hear him say the word "nipple" again.

Olivia

Cut open his hand.

Peter

What?

Olivia

I want to see if there's a disc in it, like Bowman's.

Walter

[springing up out of his chair] I like cutting!

Walter

This is an antidote. While I can't guarantee it will actually work, I do have a recorded IQ of...

Astrid

196.

Walter

Really?

Walter

Two thoughts come to mind. The first, that this affliction might have been caused by a mutation, changing these lipids to seal any and all orifices. Did they check his anus and penis?

Peter

You think we could get the answer to that question without me in the room?

Olivia

What was the other thought?

Walter

Sorry?

Olivia

You said two thoughts came to mind.

Walter

Ah yes. The other was... coffee cake. Tiny pebbles of cinnamon sugar.

Peter

Once again... my father.

Peter

Walter, Olivia's here, she needs to talk to you. Walter!

Walter

Could she come back later? I'm about to step in the bath.

Peter

No, she can't come back later. It's the middle of the night. She needs to talk to you right now.

Walter

[walks out of the bathroom] Honestly, Peter, can't a man get -- Agent Dunham. Peter, why didn't you tell me Agent Dunham was here?

Peter

I'm pretty sure I did.

Olivia

Walter, the last time you used that thing, you drilled it into the guy's head.

Walter

If you think he'll find it disagreeable, I suppose it could be modified.

Peter

Really? You didn't think to mention that to the last guy?

Walter

The spread of the digits, V-shaped. It's too wide for one of those creatures. Configuration closer to that of an eagle. Of course much, much larger.

Peter

Hey, we're looking for Big Bird.

Walter

Don't be ridiculous. Perhaps a pterodactyl.

Astrid

So this thing has the claws of a lion and the fangs of a snake?

Walter

It reminds me of a woman I once knew in Cleveland.

Peter

Walter, these punctures are over four inches apart. And that would make this snake eight-feet long.

Walter

Her name was Harriet something.

Olivia

How is everything?

Peter

Well, apparently you're looking for a lion-snake named Harriet.