Announcer, Abbott and others in “A Little Fright Music”

We now return to Abbott and Costello Elementary.

Okay, so as the new vice principal, it's important that you learn all the names of our faculty.

That's what I wanna find out.

Well, it's very simple. We have Mr. Present, Mr. Absent, Mr. Here, Mr. Yep, and Ms. Yo.

Okay, and all of 'em are here?

Well, no. Only one of them is here.

You don't see all of 'em?

Of course I do.

But you just said only one of 'em is here. What about this guy?

No-no-no. He's not Here, he's Absent. [Costello wheezing] Let's just take attendance, okay? Mr. Absent.

Here.

Mr. Here?

Present.

Mr. Yep?

Yo!

Ms. Yo?

Yep!

Mr. Present? [no response] Mr. Present. Ah, so Present is absent.

Wait, Present is absent?

That's right.

I thought you said he was absent!

He is.

But he's present.

No, he's not present. Present is absent.

Wait, so who's present and who's absent?

He's absent and Present is absent.

So he is present!

No, he's absent.

So, he's here, but Present is absent and Absent is present?

Now, that's the first thing you said right.

I don't even know what I said!