To whom it may concern:
If you're reading this document, it means I'm either dead or have disappeared under mysterious circumstances. My name is Marshall Teller. Not long ago, I was living in New Jersey, just across the river from New York City. It was crowded, polluted, and full of crime. I loved it. But my parents wanted a better life for my sister and me. So we moved to a place so wholesome, so squeaky clean, you could only find it on TV. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, my new hometown looks normal enough... but look again. What's wrong with this picture? The American Dream come true, right? Wrong. Nobody believes me, but this is the center of weirdness for the entire planet:
Eerie, Indiana. My home, sweet home.
Still don't believe me?
You will.
...
Ever since moving here, I've been convinced that something is very wrong with Eerie, Indiana. I tried telling myself there was a logical explanation for everything, but logic doesn't apply here.
That's my family. They're all too busy to see what's going on. Mom just started her own party planning service down at the Eerie Mall. My sister Syndi's practising for her driver's test. Personally, I don't think anybody who spells Syndi S-Y-N-D-I should be allowed to operate a motor vehicle. Dad works for Things Incorporated, a product testing company. Dad's job is one of the reasons we moved here, because - statistically speaking - Eerie's the most normal place in the entire country.
Statistics lie.
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