Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[yells; panicked after crazy Steve goes insane] Help! Crazy Steve's gone berserk!
Crazy Steve!?
WHO ELSE!?
But it's Monday, you can't schedule crazy Steve to work on a Monday!
Monday's his bad day!
Well, no-one TOLD me that!
COCK-CA-DOODLE-DOO, THE COW SAYS MOO!!!
[after Josh successfully calms crazy Steve down]
You handled that really well, better than I did.
Which 1 of you switched the song?
[feeling bad for being angry and mean to Josh, shares the blame] I did.
I did.
We both did! Okay?
Well, guess what. There's rules and laws about television broadcasting. We can turn you into the FCC for what you did!
Yup, you guys could be in a lot of trouble. [smiles] But you're not.
We're not?
They're not?
What are you?
In the last 24 hours, we've gotten over 30,000 emails and phone calls from fans wanting to buy your song. This morning, we made the song available on the Spin City Website. There were so many downloads, it crashed our server. Drake Parker, I think you're about to have yourself a #1 hit.
Okay, wait a second. These guys just totally scammed us, and you're gonna reward them for it?
They had to scam us, 'cause you tried to ruined a very good song. Which is why you're fired!
What!? [Drake and Josh smile] You can't fire me! Our wives play golf together.
Your wife cheats. Now, get out! [Alan storms away]
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out...
[annoyed] I know how to breathe!
[screaming] JUST DO WHAT I SAY!
[scared] Okay.
What did you do!?
I just plugged in the 5-K!
I'll PLUG IN YOUR 5-K!!! [grabs Craig's head]
[screams] She's got my head! She's got my head! She's got my head! [others take Helen off of him]
Alright, this song is for Helen and Buzz, and my manager, Josh Nichols. [rehires Josh as his manager]
[ending from The Amanda Show]
I want the shrimp.
I want it.
[snatches the shrimp] I want it!
[giving a lesson on skydiving] First you're gonna squat. Then your gonna pray, then leap, ahhhh...
Ahhhh?
That's what you're gonna yell on the way down.
Ahh.
Ahhhh!
Ahhhh!
Then, touchdown.
Touchdown.
That's S.P.L.A.T..
That's spelled splat.
Oh, man.
[Drake and Josh try to wake up Vince after he was knocked unconscious by a fire extinguisher]
Hey, hey. He's awake.
You're awake!
[wakes up] Oh, what happened? How long I been out?
About 10 minutes.
Oh, I remember. You clowns were fighting over this parachute. [holds his head] Oh, what'd I hit my head on?
This fire extinguisher.
Oh.
See, I'm pretty sure you hit your head right on this lever-- [accidentally sprays Vince with a fire extinguisher; Vince screams as he falls out of the plane]
[angrily] Do you know what you just did?!
[worried] I extinguished our pilot?
[angrily] No, he has a parachute! You've extinguished us!
What are we gonna do?
I'm gonna fly this helicopter, you've seen me play Helicopter Rescue.
What? That's a video game.
So? If I could land a military helicopter on the Empire State Building, rescue the princess while a giant lobster shoots rockets at me, I think I can land this thing on a freeway, alright?
I won't argue with that logic!
[over radio] Control Tower to Chopper 9065, Control Tower to Chopper 9065.
9065, that's us!
Yes, yes! Grab the mike, grab the mic.
[grabs hold of the mike] Uh, hello, hello, Control Tower, this is Chopper 9065. Help, help! Can you hear me?
[over radio] Yeah, yeah. Loud and clear.
Look, we're 7,000 feet, we got no pilot, and I don't know how to land this thing!
[over radio] Alright, alright, alright. Tell me where you are.
In a helicopter!
[over radio] I realize that, I need to get a bearing on your location.
Look down, look down.
Okay, okay, I see, uh... Uh, uh, a church, and the ocean to my left, uh... [the radio snaps off and the mike flies out of his hand] I see-- A RADIO :PLUMMETING TO EARTH?!
I'll call Mom and Dad.
No!
Why not?!
Well, because if they know I'm up in this helicopter, I'm gonna get grounded.
Okay, if we don't get help, we're gonna become PART of the ground!!
Well, can't you call the fire department?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm thinking they don't have a 7,000-foot LADDER!
It's the fuel gauge! We're on E.
Well, maybe E means extra fuel! TELL ME E MEANS EXTRA FUEL!
E means empty, dude; we're out of fuel!
AUUGGGHHH! [gets in praying position] Dear Savior, I am sorry about the time I was 5 years old and stole that piece of bubblegum. I am sorry about the time I watched that pretty lady's laundry spin in the dryer at the laundromat. I'm sorry--
Will you stop that? We're gonna get out of this!
HEY NOW, HEY NOW! DON'T DREAM IT'S OVER!!!
Would you STOP IT?!
What are you looking for?
Uh! Hey! Parachute!
Oh, a parachute. But, there's only one.
Okay. I'll take it and bring back help.
What? What kind of help are you gonna bring back, a dive team to locate my corpse? Okay, we'll jump together.
What?
[putting the parachute on] Yeah, okay? I'll put this on, you hold onto me, and we jump, alright?
Uh... [looks down 7,000 feet to the ocean]
Drake, you ready?
Uh, no, no. I'm not jumping with you, Josh.
Yeah, you are.
No, I'm not.
Why not?
Look, just jump, okay? Go.
What's wrong with you?
I'm-- I'm afraid, alright?
You were just about to jump out by yourself.
I know, but then I looked down, saw how high we are, peed a little bit, and I ain't jumping, Josh!
You're going, alright?
No, I'm not. Look, look, we're on E, okay? Just jump out!
Oh, I'm going, and you're coming with me! [hooks the parachute to one of Drake's straps, they scream and jump out of the helicopter all the way down the ocean as Josh pulls the cord of the parachute and it opens up] It opened! Ha-ha!
You're touching my butt.
Oh, sorry.
[while playing with dominos at home] Great present, Walter. [Drake and Josh come home and confront her] What?
You hung up on us.
When we were in a helicopter alone, running out of fuel.
What's your point?
We had to jump out.
With one parachute.
We barely made it.
We had to swim 2 miles,
Until we were rescued by a tuna boat.
Did you bring me some tuna?
Come over here! [Megan screams as Audrey and Walter come home] Come here!
Mom, Walter, you're home, how nice.
Hi, baby.
Hey, Megan. So how was the water park?
Oh, you know, fun, wet.
I had a churro.
[Vince doorbells and angrily arrives at Drake and Josh's house]
I'll get it!
I call knob!
[Drake and Josh are shocked that Vince stopped by the house, much to their horror]
You blasted me out of my own helicopter.
Wha-- Shh!
Not in front of our parents.
Who is it?
Uh--
Some, crazy, guy.
[Josh whistles]
[to Audrey] I'll handle this. [he walks over to Vince] How can I help you?
Are you their father?
Yes. [Vince angrily gives him a bill] What's this?
[angrily] A BILL. That's how much you owe me for my new helicopter.
What? [looks at the bill Vince gave him how much he needs to pay for his helicopter] $400,000?!
[Audrey and Megan are both shocked]
[as Walter] Boys, you're both grounded.
But Dad--
[as Walter] Grounded, 2 weeks.
But it wasn't our fault!
[as Walter] Upstairs.
[defeated] Yes, sir.
Night.
Night.
[knowing the consequences, Drake and Josh ground themselves for 2 weeks as the episode ends]
So, uh, Josh, thanks for throwing me this... great party.
Yeah, this is quite a party. Hope the neighbors don't call the cops on us.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
