But surely beer and juleps cannot fill the void left by love. Indeed only wine can achieve this, but it is famously costly, which is why sadness is among the most recurrent issues facing the poor.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[to Helena] Helly was never cruel.
Marshmallows are for team players, Dylan. They don't just hand them out.
She's a fucking mole!
HRHelly R.
Did everyone sever their balls in the elevator this morning?
MSMark S.
Hey, do you want me to, like, describe what happened? Like, I feel like you have every right to know.
HRHelly R.
No, no, no. I don't want her memory.
MSMark S.
Okay.
HRHelly R.
I want my own.
BGBurt Goodman
Well, as a matter of fact, I was guided to Lumon's door by Jesus.
IBIrving Bailiff
Jesus Christ?
BGBurt Goodman
That's the one!
DMr. Drummond
So this is "tightening the leash"? Our most vital refiner missing in the wind on what was to be Lumon's finest day. This is your fault.
I have followed protocol, Mr. Drummond, but I thank you for your remonstration.
DMr. Drummond
A needlessly complex word for a simple idea. Apologize for the word.
Sir...
DMr. Drummond
Apologize for the word.
I apologize.
DMr. Drummond
Shorter.
I'm sorry.
DMr. Drummond
Again.
Mr. Drummond...
DMr. Drummond
Again.
[pause] Devour feculence. It means "eat shit", Mr. Drummond.
DMr. Drummond
What did you just say to me?
I am manager of the Severed floor, which means two things: First, I am owed a measure of respect - even by my superiors. Second, and more obvious, that said floor comprises the whole of my jurisdiction. To put that monosyllabically: It's not my fault what Mark Scout does when he is not at work - it's yours.
KEKier Eagan
Mark S., in completing your 25th Macrodata file, you have drawn my grand agendum nearer to fulfilment, thus making you one of the most important people in history. Revel now in the fruit of your labors, and hail your earthbound steward, your very own... floor manager!
[enters the spotlight] Thank you, Kier. And may I say, you're looking very handsome, sir.
KEKier Eagan
Thank you. I'd say the same of you, if not for my favorite core principle.
Probity?
KEKier Eagan
No. Vision.
Well, it's truly special to host a man so illustrious, so sapient, so magnanimous.
KEKier Eagan
My, you're verbose. Good thing you didn't write the first appendix. It would've burst.
It's an honor to receive your barbs, Mr. Eagen. The legacy you've left behind is truly and irrefutably larger than life.
KEKier Eagan
You mean my company?
No. I mean this wax statue that's five inches taller than you actually were.
KEKier Eagan
Thank you for that feedback... Seth.
Thank you, Kier.
DGDylan George
Fuck you, Mr. Milchick.
Choreography and Merriment, return to your department now!
BBukayo
[blows whistle] Fall back to C&M. Our performance has been compromised.
HRHelly R
No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. This desk used to have four seats. Our friend Irving is gone, and they want our whole department gone. [pointing at Milchick] If he gets out, we're dead. They're gonna turn us off like fucking machines! You've seen them do it. I know you've lost friends too. And you could be next. You could be next.
HRHelly R
They give us half a life and think we won't fight for it. Right, Milchick? [turning back to the C&M members] Please, help us. Please. Help us!
What's the difference between men and women?
Is this a joke?
No, serious.
Never met a woman who knew how to turn off a light. Born thinking the switch only goes one way: on. Come home, house all lit up, and my job, you see, apparently because my chromosomes happen to be different is that I gotta walk through that house and turn off every single light this chick left on.
Is that right?
Yeah, baby. Oh Reverend Shane is a-preachin' to ya now, boy. Then this same chick, mind ya, she'll bitch about, uh, Global Warming. This is where Reverend Shane wants to quote from the Guy Gospel and say, "Uh, darlin' maybe if you and every other pair of boobs on this planet could just figure out that the light switch, see, goes both ways, maybe we wouldn't have so much Global Warming?"
You say that?
The polite version. Still, that earns me this look of loathing you would not believe and that's when the Exorcist voice pops out "You sound just like my damn Father! Always yellin' about the power bill and tellin' me to turn off the damn lights!"
What do you say to that?
I know what I want to say. What I want to say, "Bitch, you mean to tell me you've been hearing this your entire life and you are still too damn stupid to learn how to turn off a switch?"
Bites kill you. The fever burns you out. But then after a while...you come back.
[over the radio to Rick] Hey, you. Dumbass. Hey, you in the tank. Cozy in there?
[to Rick] Nice moves there, Clint Eastwood. You the new sheriff come riding in to clean up the town?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.