Arranging for the ascension of King Tommen I, extricating Sansa, getting her here alive.
She's here. We've spent more than enough time on her for one evening. Let's get married tonight.
Ought we not inform the Lords of the Vale about the ceremony?
There's only one Lord of the Vale. The others can all hang. Lurking and simpering on the stairs like buzzards the moment my husband died, trying to get their claws in me.
I do think that we could wait until...
I'm done waiting, Petyr. We had our wedding night many years ago. Or don't you remember?
What wife would do for you the things I've done for you? What wife would trust you the way I've trusted you? When you gave me those drops and told me to pour them into Jon's wine, my husband's wine. When you told me to write a letter to Cat telling her it was the Lannisters.
[Petyr interrupts Lysa by kissing her]
The deed is done. Faded into nothing. Only speaking of it can make it real. Tonight it is, then. Let me bathe and dress for the occasion. Once I'm presentable, I'll call on the septon immediately.
[Lysa opens the doors, revealing a septon]
I'm warning you. I'm going to scream when my husband makes love to me. I'm going to scream so loud, they'll hear me clear across the Narrow Sea.
Joffrey...Cersei...Walder Frey...Meryn Trant...Tywin Lannister...The Red Woman...Beric Dondarrion...Thoros of Myr...Illyn Payne...The Mountain...
I can't sleep until I say the names.
The names of every fucking person in Westeros?
Only the ones I'm going to kill.
Huh. Hate's as good a thing as any to keep a man going, better than most. [pause] We come across my brother, maybe we can both cross a name off a list.
If he were here right now, what would you do?
I'd tell him to shut the fuck up so I can get some sleep. Go on, get it over with, your list of doomed men.
I'm almost done. Only one name left.
[on Arya's 'water-dancing'] Who taught you that shite?
The greatest swordsman who ever lived. Syrio Forel, the First Sword to the Sealord of Braavos.
Braavos. Greasy-haired little bastard women, they all are.
What do you know about anything?
I bet his hair's greasier than Joffrey's cunt.
Meryn Trant! That's why Ser Meryn's on my-
[in disbelief] Meryn Trant? 'The greatest swordsman who ever lived' killed by Meryn fucking Trant?
Any boy-whore with a sword could beat three Meryn Trants.
Syrio didn't have a sword! Or armour! Just a stick!
[laughing] The greatest swordsman who ever lived didn't have a sword? All right. You have a sword. Let's see what he taught you. Go on, do it for your Braavosi friend. Dead like all the rest of your friends.
[Arya attempts to stab him in the stomach, but Needle fails to penetrate Clegane's armour; he backhands her to the ground and picks up Needle]
Your friend's dead and Meryn Trant's not, because Trant had armour and a big fucking sword. [hands Needle back to her and walks away]
[Bran sees Jon fighting the mutineers]
BSBrandon Stark
Jon. Jon!
JRJojen Reed
If he sees you, he won't let you go north.
BSBrandon Stark
He's my brother.
JRJojen Reed
And wants to protect you. He'll take you back to Castle Black. You have to decide. Do you want to find the three-eyed raven?
[Bran keeps looking at Jon, who doesn't see him]
BSBrandon Stark
We need to free Summer. And we need to go.
[stares at Locke's horribly broken neck] What in Seven Hells could do that to a man?
I count ten dead mutineers. Locke said there were eleven of them.
WWatchman
Here's another!
[glances up and sees Ghost appear at the gate] Jon?
[smiles] Where in Seven Hells?! Come here! I've missed you, boy.
[indicates Craster's surviving daughter-wives] What should we do with this lot?
It's not safe for you out here on your own. Mance Rayder has an army heading this way, and there's worse out there than Mance. Come with us to Castle Black. We can find you work, keep you safe.
CSCraster's first wife
Meaning all respect, Ser Crow. Craster beat us, and worse. Your brother Crows beat us, and worse. We'll find our own way.
You want to stay here? In Craster's Keep?
CSCraster's first wife
[looks up at the hall and spits] Burn it to the ground and all the dead with it.
TNTycho Nestoris
Welcome to the Iron Bank. Please...sit. What can we do for you, Lord Stannis?
This is Stannis of the House Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm!
TNTycho Nestoris
The Iron Throne is currently occupied by Tommen of the House Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm.
He shares no blood with me. He was a bastard born of incest, as was his brother before him.
TNTycho Nestoris
Yes, we've heard this story.
It's not a story! It's the truth!
TNTycho Nestoris
The King's grandfather tells a different story: a story about a jealous uncle, whose attempts to usurp the throne from the rightful King cost the Seven Kingdoms dearly, in blood...and gold.
TNTycho Nestoris
And you feel your blood gives you a claim on our gold?
More than any man living.
TNTycho Nestoris
Across the Narrow Sea, your books are filled with words like "Usurper", "Madman" and "blood right". Here, our books are filled with numbers. We prefer the stories they tell, more plain, less... open to interpretation. How many fighting men remain loyal to you?
TNTycho Nestoris
And how many ships do you have? The ones still afloat, Ser Davos, not at the bottom of Blackwater Bay.
TNTycho Nestoris
And, how much wheat and barley and beef and pork do you produce on Dragonstone to feed your... four thousand men, on your thirty-two ships?
TNTycho Nestoris
You can see why these numbers seem unlikely to add up to a happy ending, from our perspective. I'm afraid we must...respectfully decline your request. But we thank you for paying us the honor of your visit. (Stannis glares at Davos; they stand up. Stannis moves away, but Davos steps towards the table)
TNTycho Nestoris
I'm not a lord, Ser Davos Seaworth. You would not be either here. In Braavos, thieves are not rewarded with titles.
Well, strictly speaking, I didn't do the thieving. That would be the pirates. I just moved what they stole from one place to another. [shows his mutilated hand] This is the payment that was demanded by King Stannis for my crimes. I consider it an honest accounting. He's an honest man and he's your best chance to get back the money you've sunk into Westeros. Which is a lot, I imagine. Wars are expensive.
TNTycho Nestoris
The war is over.
As long as Stannis lives, the war is not over. Who's the real power in King's Landing?
TNTycho Nestoris
Ser Davos.
TNTycho Nestoris
Tywin Lannister.
How old is Tywin Lannister?
67. And when he dies, who's in command? A half-grown boy, the product of incest? Cersei Lannister, a queen whose people despise her? Jaime Lannister, a man best known for killing the king he was sworn to protect? When Tywin's gone, who do you back?
TNTycho Nestoris
That is a problem for another time.
Begging your pardon, I think it's a problem for now. There's only one reliable leader left in Westeros. Stannis. He's got the birthright. He's in his prime. He's a tried and tested battle commander. And he doesn't just talk about paying people back, he does it.
BGBolton guard
[about Theon/Reek] Last cage on the right!
Thank you. [she slits his throat with her hatchet] We're going home.
No! [backs away from her as she opens the door]
It's all right! It's me,Yara.
You can't trick me! Tell him! Tell him you couldn't trick me!
I'm not tricking you, Theon! I'm saving you.
Not Theon! Reek! Reek! My name's Reek!
BGBolton guards
They're here!
GBGreyjoy bannerman
If they catch us in here, we're trapped!
[crying hysterically] No, you can't! You can't!
No! I've never been him! Please- I'm Reek, good Reek, I've always been Reek!
[entering the kennels] This is turning into a lovely evening.
[The Bolton and Greyjoy forces attack each other]
Aaargh! Theon! Give me my brother back, and no more of your men will die.
You've got bigger balls than he ever did. But, with those... big balls of yours... [grins as he unlocks the hounds' cages] How fast can you run?
These meetings aren't always going to be this early, are they? I was up late last night. So, does this mean I am a master of something now? Coins, ships?
MTMace Tyrell
Lord Tywin and I already determined that I shall be the Master of Ships long before you...
[Tywin enters and everybody but Oberyn stands up]
MTMace Tyrell
Lord Tywin, it's a great honor to have been granted a seat on this council. I...
The trial begins this afternoon. We only have the morning for affairs of state. Shall we begin?
Sandor Clegane has been spotted in the Riverlands, my lord.
My birds tell me the Hound slaughtered five of our soldiers. I believe the phrase "Fuck the King" was uttered.
What would it take to make the common soldier stupid enough to try his luck with the Hound?
10 Silver stags seems a generous bounty.
More whispers from the east, my lord.
Daenerys has taken up residence in Meereen. She has conquered the city and rules as its queen.
She commands an army of Unsullied, my queen. Some 8,000 strong. She has a company of sellswords, the Second Sons. She has two knights advising her. Jorah Mormont and Barristan Selmy. And she has three dragons.
Larger every year, Your Grace.
Mormont is spying on her for us.
No longer. He appears to be fully devoted to her. As for Ser Barristan, it would seem he took his dismissal from the Kingsguard a bit harder than anticipated.
He's an old man. He wasn't fit to protect my son.
Joffrey didn't die on his watch. Dismissing him was as insulting as it was stupid.
Don't tell me you're worried about a child, halfway across the world.
A child with two seasoned warriors counseling her... and a powerful army at her back, Your Grace.
Lord Varys is right. I have been to Essos and seen the Unsullied firsthand. They are very impressive on the battlefield. Less so in the bedroom.
Dragons haven't won a war in 300 years. Armies win them all the time. She must be dealt with.
Eventually, if it comes to that. Can your little birds find their way into Mereen?
Most certainly, my Lord Hand.
You'd condemn your own son to death?
I've condemned no one. The trial is not over.
This isn't a trial, it's a farce! Cersei has manipulated everything and you know it!
I know nothing of the sort.
You've always hated Tyrion!
As did I! Do you know the last order the Mad King gave me? To bring him your head! [Tywin looks surprised] I saved your life so you could murder my brother?
It won't be murder, it will be justice.
I'm performing my sworn duty as Hand of the King. If Tyrion is found guilty, he will be punished accordingly.
No, he'll be punished accordingly!
Once, you said family is what lives on. All that lives on. You told me about a dynasty that would last 1000 years. What happens to your dynasty when Tyrion dies? I'm a Kingsguard, forbidden by oath to carry on the family line.
I'm well aware of your oath.
What happens to your name? Who carries the lion banner into future battles? Your nephews? Lancel Lannister? Others whose names I don't even remember?
What happens to my dynasty if I spare the life of my grandson's killer?
It survives...through me. [Tywin looks shocked] I'll leave the Kingsguard, I'll take my place as your son and heir if you let Tyrion live.
Done. [Jaime is stunned] When the testimony is concluded and the guilty verdict rendered, Tyrion will be given the chance to speak. He'll plead for mercy, I'll allow him to join the Night's Watch. In three days times, he'll depart for Castle Black and live out his days at the Wall. You'll remove your white cloak immediately. You will leave King's Landing to assume your rightful place at Casterly Rock. You will marry a suitable woman, and father children named "Lannister". And you'll never turn your back on your family again.
[after Shae testifies against him] Father... I wish to confess. I wish to confess.
[to the audience of the trial] I saved you. I saved this city, and all your worthless lives! I should have let Stannis kill you all!
Tyrion! Do you wish to confess?
Yes... Father. I'm guilty. Guilty! Is that what you want to hear?
You admit you've poisoned the King?
No. Of that, I'm innocent. I'm guilty of a far more monstrous crime. I'm guilty of being a dwarf!
[exasperated] You are not on trial for being a dwarf.
Oh, yes I am! I've been on trial for that my entire life!
Have you nothing to say on your defense?
Nothing but this: I did not do it. [addressing Cersei] I did NOT kill Joffrey, BUT I WISH THAT I HAD! Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores! [Tyrion glares at Cersei and Shae, then turns to the crowd] I wish I was the monster you think I am! I wish I had enough poison for the whole pack of you! I would gladly give my life to WATCH YOU ALL SWALLOW IT!
[The entire crowd roars with outrage]
Ser Meryn! Ser Meryn, escort the prisoner back to his cell!
I will NOT give my life for Joffrey's murder, and I know I'll get no justice here, so I will let the gods decide my fate! I demand a trial by combat.
RRorge
There's a price on your head.
Yes, that's what the King does when you tell him to fuck off.
RRorge
The King's dead. He drank poisoned wine at his own wedding. The bounty on you is for killing Lannister soldiers, a hundred silver stags.
And you thought you were going to collect it? Didn't think very hard, did you?
You were Yoren's prisoners, when he was taking me to the Wall. He told me he'd fuck me bloody with a stick.
[to Rorge] This day's really not working out the way you planned. [to Arya] He on your little list?
He can't be. I don't know his name.
Thank you. [draws Needle and stabs Rorge through the heart]
[Bronn enters Tyrion's cell, dressed in noble finery]
My lord. [makes a mocking bow]
You like them, eh? Gloves are doeskin, softer than a virgin's thighs.
My lonesome bachelor days are over. I'm to wed Lollys Stokeworth.
Lollys Stokeworth? She doesn't strike me as your sort of girl.
I wouldn't say I had a single sort of girl.
If I wanted wits, I'd marry you.
When my sister arranged this love match, did she mention that Lollys has an older sister?
Falyse. Aye, I did know about the older sister.
And you do understand the rules of inheritance?
Falyse is forty and barren.
She still gets Castle Stokeworth when her father dies.
[nods] She does...unless she happens to perish before her father, then Lollys gets the castle. [sees Tyrion looking at him incredulously] What? Ladies fall from their horse and snap their pretty necks all the time.
You and my sister deserve each other. Why did you bother to come here?
You once said if anyone ever asked me to sell you out, you'd double their price.
Is it two wives you want or two castles?!
One of each would do... but if you want me to kill the Mountain for you, it'd better be a damn big castle.
I'm a bit short on castles at the moment, but I can offer you gold and gratitude.
I have gold. What can I buy with gratitude?
You might be surprised. A Lannister always pays his debts.
Your sister's a Lannister too.
My wife is heir to Winterfell. If I emerge from this with my head still on my shoulders, I may one day rule the North in her name. I could carve you out a big piece of it.
If and may and could. It's bloody cold up north. Lollys is soft and warm and close. If I gave you the choice between fucking Lollys and fighting the Mountain, you'd have your britches down and your cock up before I could blink!
Does he frighten you so much?!
I'd be a bloody fool if he didn't frighten me. He's freakish big and freakish strong, and quicker than you'd expect for a man of that size. Maybe I could take him, dance around until he's so tired from hacking at me he dropped his sword, get him off his feet somehow...but one misstep and I'm dead. Why should I risk it?
Because you're my friend.
Aye, I'm your friend...and when have you ever risked your life for me? I like you, pampered little shit that you are. I just...like myself more.
I'm sorry it has to be this way.
Why are you sorry? Because you're an evil bastard with no conscience and no heart? That's what I liked about you in the first place. [they shake hands for the last time]
We had some good days together.
I suppose I'll have to kill the Mountain myself. Won't that make for a great song?
I hope to hear them sing it one day.
Daario Naharis killed his captains and dumped their heads at your feet when he grew tired of their commands. How could you ever have faith in a man like that?
I could never have faith in a man like Daario. That's why I've sent him and the Second Sons to retake Yunkai.
Without you there to rule, Khaleesi, I fear the masters will simply bide their time, wait for the invaders to leave and reassert control.
That is why I've ordered Daario to execute every master in Yunkai. The masters tear babies from their mothers' arms. They mutilate little boys by the thousands. They train little girls in the art of pleasuring old men.
They treat men like beasts, as you said yourself. Herding the masters into pens and slaughtering them by the thousands is also treating men like beasts. The slaves you freed, brutality is all they've ever known. If you want them to know something else, you'll have to show it to them.
And repay the slavers with what? Kindness? A fine? A stern warning?
It's tempting to see your enemies as evil, all of them, but there's good and evil on both sides in every war ever fought.
Let the priests argue over good and evil. Slavery is real. I can end it. I will end it. And I will end those behind it.
I sold men into slavery, Khaleesi.
And now you are helping me show them to freedom.
I wouldn't be here to help you if Ned Stark had done to me what you want to do to the masters of Yunkai.
The man who came to me the other day about burying his father.
He will accompany the Second Sons and serve as my ambassador to Yunkai. He will tell the masters what has happened in Meereen. He will explain the choice they have before them. They can live in my new world or they can die in their old one. Well, go and catch Daario before he leaves. Tell him I changed my mind.
No. Tell him you changed my mind.
I imagined you'd be back at the brothel at this hour.
I did spend some time with an absolutely stunning blonde the other day.
Mm, do tell. I've got every kind of filth down here except the kind I like.
Cersei approached me. We spoke a great deal about her daughter. How worried your sister is about her. She was trying very hard to pretend she had not come to sway me against you. I think she may have even believed it herself.
Making honest feelings do dishonest work is one of her many gifts.
It was difficult for her to hide her true intentions. It is rare to meet a Lannister who shares my enthusiasm for dead Lannisters. She desperately wants to see you killed.
She didn't need to bother you. It looks as though I've taken care of that myself. The joy she will feel when my head leaves my neck... she's wanted this for a long time.
Yes, I know. We met, you and I. Many years ago.
I think I would have remembered that.
Unlikely. You had just been born. Our father brought me and my sister Elia with him, on a visit to Casterly Rock; my first time away from Dorne. I didn't like anything about the Rock. Not the food, not the weather, not your accents. Nothing. But the biggest disappointment... you.
You and my family have more in common than you might admit.
The whole way from Dorne, all anyone talked about was the monster that had been born to Tywin Lannister. A head twice the size of his body, a tail between his legs, claws, one red eye, the privates of both a girl and a boy.
That would have made things so much easier.
When we met your sister, she promised she would show you to us. Every day, we would ask; every day, she would say, "Soon." Then, she and your brother took us to your nursery and... she unveiled the freak. Your head was a bit large, your arms and legs were a bit small, but no claw. No red eye. No tail between your legs, just a tiny pink cock. We didn't try to hide our disappointment. "That's not a monster," I told Cersei. "That's just a baby." And she said, "He killed my mother." And she pinched your little cock so hard, I thought she might pull it off. Until your brother made her stop. "It doesn't matter," she told us. "Everyone says he will die soon. I hope they are right. He should not have lived this long."
Well... sooner or later, Cersei always gets what she wants.
And what about what I want? Justice... for my sister, and for her children.
If you want justice, you've come to the wrong place.
I disagree. I've come to the perfect place. I want to bring those who have wronged me to justice. And, all those who have wronged me are right here. I will begin with Ser Gregor Clegane, who killed my sister's children and then raped her with their blood still on his hands before killing her, too. I will be your champion.
You wanted to see me, Aunt Lysa?
Come here, Sansa. Do you know how far the fall is?
Neither do I, precisely. Hundreds of feet. It's fascinating what happens to bodies when they hit the rocks from such a height. The impact breaks them right apart. Like eggs dropped on the floor. Sometimes pieces remain intact. You'll find the head sitting on its own. Every hair in place. Blue eyes staring at nothing. [pause] I know what you did.
I'm so sorry, Aunt Lysa. I never should have hit Robin, I know it. I promise it won't happen...
Don't be coy with me, you little whore. You kissed him. You kissed Petyr.
I didn't. You don't understand.
I saw you. You can't lie to me because I saw it with my own eyes.
He kissed me. I pulled away.
Liar! [grabs Sansa by her hair and hold her over the Moon Door] Whore! He is mine! My father, my husband, my sister, they all stood between us and now they're all dead! That's what happens to people who stand between Petyr and me! Look down! Look down! Look down! Look down!
[entering] Lysa! Let her go.
You want her? This empty-headed child?
She's just like her mother. She'll never love you. I lied for you! I killed for you! Why did you bring her here? Why?
I'll send her away. I swear on my life. I swear to all the gods. Let her go, Lysa.
[Lysa releases Sansa. Baelish walks over to her and helps a crying Lysa to her feet]
Oh, my sweet wife. My sweet, silly wife. I have only loved one woman... only one, my entire life. [Lysa smiles] Your sister.
[Baelish shoves her out of the Moon Door; she plummets to her death, screaming]
