Maybe we should name her Kuvah'magh. [referring to his and B'Elanna's child]
Add it to the list.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[to a buzzing console] Come on, shut off that damn alarm and I promise I'll never violate you again.
To the newest member of our crew. May all her desires be fulfilled. Except for one - so she'll always have something to strive for... (seeing Tom struggle with Tuvok's gift of a Vulcan puzzle) And may she inherit a sense of logic from her mother.
He (talking about Q's son) may be omnipotent but he's still a young man in need of guidance.
(to Replicator) Coffee, black.
RReplicator
Make it yourself!
(After making 7 of 9's clothes disappear)
QSQ's son
Talk about perfection!
QSQ's Son
(after Q stopped some Borg which his son created assimilating Janeway) We were just getting to the good part!
If the Continnum's told you once, they've told you a thousand times. DON'T PROVOKE THE BORG!!
Kathryn Janeway: You can't just dump your kid on someone and expect him to learn something!
Q: (incredulous face) I can't?
He needs to be parented.
And how exactly am I supposed to do that? Q was the first child in the continuum, which makes me the first parent. I don't even know where to begin.
You could start by spending time with him.
Yugh!
(After Q's son stole a shuttle)
QSQ's son
Aunt Kathy....
Don't you Aunt Kathy me!
(Tom Paris runs The Doctor's program "Photons Be Free" and skips to the first chapter, the chapter opens in into sickbay where it has taken heavy damage)
EEnsign
Are you the EMH?
[playing as an EMH] Please state the nature of the medical emergency.
EEnsign
Our doctor's dead--we got wounded! [Walks him over to two patients lying on the biobeds] They're both badly hurt. Who should we treat first?
Uhh... [begins scanning a patient with a tricorder] second-degree plasma burns. [walks over to another patient and begins scanning] He's got an aortic rupture. Get him to the surgical bay now! [the Ensign picks up the patient and walks him over to the surgical bay, a character who looks like Chakotay walks in carrying a wounded officer]
[To Tom Paris] You! Over here! [Tom Paris walks over to the injured character and gazes at him because the officer is based off of his own physical parameters]
Nice mustache.
OOfficer
What?
Umm... nothing. [Begins scanning the officer] He's got a mild concussion. I'm going to have to treat the others first.
I need Lieutenant Marseille on the bridge. You'll treat him now.
As I understand it, my job is to treat the critical patients first. So if you'll excuse me... [Tom Paris walks over to the critically injured patient, but Chakotay raises a force field]
I don't know who you think you are, hologram, but to me you're just another piece of technology.
But apparently, I'm a piece of technology that's in demand, so why don't you go back to the bridge and let me do my job?! [Captain Janeway walks into sickbay]
What's going on here?
Our medical hologram is refusing to treat Mr. Marseille. [Janeway walks over to Tom Paris]
Are you malfunctioning?
I don't think so.
I need my helmsman back to his station.
Lieutenant Marseille is not seriously hurt. This man will be dead in five minutes if I don't operate. [Janeway looks over to Chakotay]
Drop the force field. [Chakotay complies. Janeway walks over to the critically injured patient, pulls out a phaser, and kills him] That patient is dead. Now you're free to treat Lieutenant Marseille. [Tom Paris is shocked]
Captain Janeway murders a crewman? [referring to The Doctor's story]
No. Captain Jenkins. Everybody has a different name: you're Kimble, [To B'Elanna Torres] you're Torry, and I am Lieutenant Marseille.
Oh, now that's creative!
(B'Elanna Torres is trying The Doctor's program)
NNarrator
'Chapter 5: Out of the Frying Pan', in which our protagonist must confront abusive colleagues. [A female crewman walks into sickbay]
FCFemale Crewman
I'm here for my physical?
Why don't you have a seat? Over here. [Lieutenant Marseille comes in]
MMarseille
Doctor! You'd better get down to engineering! [B'Elanna Torres smiles at his mustache, but straightens her face]
What's wrong?
MMarseille
A plasma conduit just exploded. At least 10 people are hurt. [B'Elanna Torres tried to leave sickbay, but she cannot leave because she is a hologram] Hey, genius! Forgetting something? [B'Elanna looks dumbfounded] Your mobile emitter?!
Oh, right! [Looks around sickbay] I don't see it. [Marseille points to a giant backpack behind her] THAT'S my mobile emitter? [Marseille picks up the extremely heavy backpack and puts it on her] Ugh, this thing must weigh 50 kilos!
MMarseille
You should be glad we let you out of your cage at all--now get going! [Scene changes to B'Elanna entering engineering, a character that looks like B'Elanna--named Torry--is observing the work of a crewman]
TTorry
[to the working crewman] I'm impressed.
CCrewman
Really?
TTorry
Absolutely! I haven't seen a dilithium matrix this far out of alignment since I served aboard a Ferengi garbage scowl. [Pushes crewman out of the way] I'll fix it, myself.
[To Torry] Hey, excuse me!
TTorry
How many times have I told you?! Engineering is off-limits to holograms!
Maybe you should waive that restriction during emergencies. [Torry looks confused] A plasma conduit exploded?
TTorry
Does it look like anyone here is covered with plasma burns?
Lieutenant Paris--uhh--Marseille told me there was an accident.
TTorry
Cognitive subroutines are malfunctioning again. I'm surprised a matrix as primitive as yours can function at all.
Maybe you should be nicer to your shipmates, you never know when you might need their help.
TTorry
[Pushes B'Elanna] Get one thing straight: you're not my shipmate. You're a tool--like this hyperspanner! And tools can be replaced! [Continues pushing B'Elanna ] So why don't you go back to sickbay before I start doing a little reprogramming?! [B'Elanna re-enters sickbay to find that the lights are off]
Computer, lights. [Discovers Marseille making out with the female crewman from the beginning on the surgical bed. The two get up and looked surprised at an unamused B'Elanna]
MMarseille
Didn't I tell you to go to engineering?
Oh, I get it. Interesting plot twist. You get me out of sickbay so you're free to give my patient a tonsillectomy.
MMarseille
[Walking towards B'Elanna] If you even think about mentioning this to my wife, I will purge your memory buffer. We understand each other? [Another female crewman walks into sickbay]
FCFemale Crewman #2
I'm here for my physical? [B'Elanna looks at a smiling Marseille]
Computer, run EMH program "Photons Be Free."
[Computer runs program.]
TPTom Paris Hologram
Welcome. You've made an excellent choice. You're obviously a person with impeccable taste.
Computer, freeze program!
CComputer
Unable to comply.
TPTom Paris Hologram
You are about to embark... on a remarkable journey. You will take on the role of a medical assistant aboard the Starship: Voyeur.
Voyeur?!
TPTom Paris Hologram
Your job will be to assist the chief medical officer and learn to tolerate his overbearing behaivor and obnoxious bedside manner. Remember! Patience is a virtue!
[Hologram disappears and the Sick Bay setting appears]
TPTom Paris Hologram
Chapter 1: It's the Doctor's World, You're Just Living In It.
DIDoctor in Story
When I tell you your shift begins at 0800, that doesn't mean you can stroll in here at 0800 and 24 seconds. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, ENSIGN?
This is outrageous.
DIDoctor in Story
What's outrageous, is that I'm going to miss my tee time. Now come along.
[Both doctors head over to a character that looks like Seven of Nine.]
DIDoctor in Story
Aww, what seems to be the trouble, One of Three?
TTTwo of Three
I'm Two of Three.
DIDoctor in Story
Uh-huh, sorry. [looks over at Doctor] They're triplets, ya'know.
TTTwo of Three
It hurts when I do this. [moves shoulders in a circle]
DIDoctor in Story
Well then don't do it. [laughs and pats Two of Three on the shoulder]
TTTwo of Three
Ow!
DIDoctor in Story
Oh, don't be a baby. [picks up a medical tricorder and moves it up and down extremely fast]
DIDoctor in Story
Ah, your bi-radial clamp is out of alignment. I got just the thing. [picks up a hypospray and looks at the Doctor] It's a Klingon aphrodisiac. My own special blend. [Injects Two of Three with it and begins massaging her]
DIDoctor in Story
You'll be feeling better in no time at all. [Two of Three giggles as the Doctor watches appalled]
My publisher assures me that he won't distribute the program until he receives the revised version.
That must be the one where we assimilate the Borg and take over the quadrant.
It's been months since I've been on an away mission.
Then try the holodeck. The Flyer is full.
You can make room. Neelix doesn't have to go.
He's not six months pregnant.
Being pregnant doesn't make me an invalid.
[sighs] No, it doesn't. But there's a toxic atmosphere down there, and you're breathing for two.
[sighs] All right, you win. But if we have another baby, you carry it, and I'll go on the away missions.
It's a deal. [they kiss]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.