[Rico's van parks in front of a family's house dining room window]
Rico, what are you doing?! I wanna watch TV!
When you live in a van, the whole world is your personal television set.
I do love my trashy family dramas.
Well, enjoy the latest episode of "329 Oneida Street." [turns on the radio for background music as the family eat dinner at the table from inside the house] Okay, let me get you caught up. Last week, that girl there, she crashed her daddy's Miata into a Cheesecake Factory.
And the mama thinks her husband's cheating on her, but he's just being secretive 'cause he's planning her birthday party. Oh, also, he's cheating on her.
[as the father sees them and gets up from the table, walking to the front door] This is my kind of show.
F Father
[angrily exits the house and walks to the van] Hey! You in the van!
Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back after this short break.
F Father
I told you to take your peeping eyes elsewhere! [mistakenly grabs Kip by the shirt collar, pulls him out of the van, and starts beating him up]
[getting beaten up as Carlinda watches while cringing] My blouse! Ouch! Jeez!
Your Majesty? [looks down in the hole, and finds some romantic items in there; reads the note] "Close your eyes and make a wish. Love, your Queen." [closes his eyes and a hand touches him on the shoulder] Nicole! [opens his eyes and turns around to see…] Pedro?!
[unhappy] I thought you were putting things on hold. You lied to me, Napoleon.
I don't care. Get out of here. I'm about to have a secret dinner with my woman.
It's not a hole. It's our love dungeon.
Well, I don't think she loves you. Look, [picks up the fruit basket] her apples are fake.
Don't worry, Pedro. She'll be back.
You're crazy, Napoleon! Even the earthworms are laughing at us! [Two earthworms giggle at them] You begged me to come, Napoleon. You said we were going to be a team and rob banks!
Well, you're a freaking crappy teammate! Curtis never would've let this happen to me! He knew how to bridle my passions.
Well, I'm not Curtis. I'm Pedro Montoya Carlos Sanchez and you have shamed and betrayed me! [spits dirt dust in Napoleon's face]
I don't care how many names you have! You're dead!
[They both start head-butting each other, which the noise makes its way over to Rico's van, and wakes him up with his wolf-ear]
Hey, sounds like Napoleon's in trouble! Man, I love my wolf-ear.
Hey, Uncle Rico, it still smells kinda poison-y in the house. Would it be okay if we stay one more night?
[smiles in agreement] Okay, Napoleon. Last week, the father got arrested for beating up a Peeping Tom, who in a hilarious twist turned out to be Kip!
That daughter's pretty hot.
Not for long if she keeps eating meatloaf like that!
[when a rescue nearly fails and Batman is forced to use a gun, an aging Bruce Wayne shuts down the Batcave]
WM Warren McGinnis
That's your problem right there! You can't control your temper, and you'd better if you expect to get anywhere in life!
[dryly] Yeah. I'll be a big success, just like you. I'm bailing.
WM Warren McGinnis
Terry...
Aw, the no fun boy had an accident.
S Smirk
Let's put a smile on his face.
Who do you think you're talking to, old man? We're the Jokerz!
[looking at Ace] Nice dog.
Jeez, no wonder he could fight. [reaching the batsuit]
[hits Terry behind with his cane and pins him] Get out! [Bats flies]
[Ace snarls and pushes him out of the gate] Alright, I'm going! It's not like I did anything wrong... [the gate closed] Freak. [walks out]
You have to do something! You're Batman!
Something happened to you, didn't it? And wasn't just that you got old.
You're no Batman, you whacked out old fraud!
F Mr. Fixx
You're pretty strong, for some clown who thinks he's Batman.
I should warn you, I can be a difficult taskmaster. I accept nothing short of excellence in all who work for me.
Very good then, Mr. McGinnis. Welcome to my world.
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