Why is my brother dressed like that?
I didn't ask. I thought you two liked to dress like idiots.
Hey!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
(sigh) When do we get to do somethin'?
Stakeouts are 80% of the job, boyo. (Brock touches his fake moustache) Don't pull at that! A convincing cover is the other 20%.
(sigh) So. No women, no children —
No women, no children. Them's rules. Separates us from the baddies.
But what if she's an enemy agent?
Uh-uh.
An assassin?
No.
A double-agent assassin who just killed the President.
No sir. Non-lethal takedown only. President's not the president anyway, you know that.
Oh. Hey, how about, you know, uh... a lady Dracula?
You mean, le vampyr? Nosferatu?
Guess.
Undead. Not technically a woman in that regard, so you got no beef there. Also, fictitious. (Brock lifts a baguette to his mouth) Do not eat that, it's C4!
Hey, Dean.
Triana! Thank god!
KKim
(sarcastically) Nice bod.
Thanks, I've been working out... a lot.
Hey, we came over to use the pool, is that cool?
No, it's not cool. Nothing is cool.
You seem a little weird, are you guys ok?
(whispering) She's killing us.
...and Hank, I don't know what his deal is, it's like he's actually enjoying this.
KKim
The Scooby-Doo kid? Where'd he go?
He's swimming laps... uh oh. (Hank is unconscious at the bottom of the pool)
Listen, we kinda got off on the wrong foot, you and I, and I don't mean the one you just kicked my teeth in with, I mean earlier. So, fine. If you're not interested the one hundred and thirty five pounds of grade A American come-and-get-it, I can respect that. But, uh, we can at least be friends right? (Molotov smiles and shakes his hand) So tell me, friend, you might know this. The whole Russian mail-order-bride deal on the Internet, is that on the up and up?
(coldly) I wouldn't know.
Because those Chinese ones are a real racket. The damn thing was already dead when the crate finally showed up!
(Hank has tongue-kissed Molotov while she performs CPR on him)
Nyet! Ew, milk breath.
Incredible.
Hank! We've got big troubles. The Apaches are back!
What?
Look. Tepee in your trunks!
(Hanks gasps, the camera pans back to reveal his erection)
My pants are haunted! My pants are haunted!
Do you want me, Hank?
Yes'm.
Your father will never let us be together. He's a big old doodyhead who wants me all to himself.
He's a jerk!
Yes, Hank, he is. But what are you going to do about it? (she reveals her breasts, which are in fact duplicates of Hank's head)
HHHank-head breast-beasts
Kill pop! Kill pop! Kill pop! You should totally kill pop.
Father...
VDr. Venture
Yes, Hank?
I want to kill you...
VDr. Venture
That's nice. Play pirate somewhere else, boy. Your father's busy.
Hank, nyet!
Molotov... I want to... oh baby!!!
[Brock discovers a plastic surgeon is turning Hunter into a female, starting with enhanced breasts]
Whu - What the Hell did you do to him?
PSPlastic Surgeon
(German Accent) Only whad she azked me to do!
This man was like a father to me!
PSPlastic Surgeon
Well, zink of ziss woman as, like, a mother to jou.
[Brock screams, picks him up by the collar and begins to slap him]
PSPlastic Surgeon
Your mother! [Slap] Your father! [Slap] Your mother! [Slap] Your father! [Slap] He-he's your muh-mother and your fuh-father... [Collapses into tears]
Where's Hank?
Up in his room. Our little man is grounded.
What'd he do?
Get this, I'm working in the lab, right? And Hank sleepwalks in, hauls off and smacks me in the head with a papier-mache sword, pees his pants and passes out.
So, I didn't miss much?
Pfft. What's there to miss?
Team Venture find themselves trapped in the clutches of a bloodthirsty Egyptian cult and their time machine. Doc narrowly escapes and teams up with Master Billy Quizboy and Pete White, but promptly forgets to mount a rescue. So it's up to Brock and a pantheon of history's greatest men to find another way out.
(Brock and Hank have just found Dean's disembodied head inside a small pyramid frame)
What happened?
Yeah Clarissa, explain it all
That guy with the bird head, he has this mummy army, and one of the mummys has a magic scepter. Don't move Hank, he's right behind you!
What? Yep. That's just Mummy-Mum-Muggy. He's a good mummy, Dean-o. Right? Muggy friend. (scratches the mummy's chin) Muggy like his chin rubbed. Who's a good mummy?
Hank, get your brother's head and follow me. There has to be a way out of here.
Muggy might know! (continues scratching Muggy's chin) Where's the exit? Tell us boy. (Muggy's head, except for the lower jaw, falls off)
This is getting stupid! Where the hell is your father?
Orpheus, you are my best and brightest pupil, even if you do taste a little salty. You're ready, Orpheus. Now get the hell out of this closet and go win that incredibly gay contest! Go! Go!
Created by Tam, the self-created, hatched by the same egg which emerged Ra, behold the Perfect Man! Praise he who will reign over all!
[Perfect Man is sucking his foot]
That's very impressive. Looks like he hates his foot.
Oh, still?! He's been doing that all day!
Dr. Venture (to Dean, riding on The Perfect Man's back): Dean, stop riding the 'Perfect Man'. Brock has to kill him now.
Aww, can't we keep him?
Yeah, dad, can't we? We'll feed the Perfect Man and clean up after him and everything! Super swear! Please??
VDr. Venture
No. He's an abomination. Go ahead, Brock.
[Brock walks forward carrying a machete]
GGGoggle Guard 1
I have more bullets you know. You gotta stop doing that.
GGGoggle Guard 2
I know, it just looks so cool...
GGGoggle Guard 1
Well go get it!
GGGoggle Guard 2
Fine.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.