[After waking up in a tub of ice with a note explaining that his kidneys are gone] Oh! Not again! Wait a minute...one... [Checks his other side] Two... oh...this is serious.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
All right, which one of you sold the Monarch out? OK, OK. I'm gonna turn around and close my eyes, and I want the guilty party to step forward. No judgments, you won't be punished, I just want to know who did it, OK?
[Cough]
Traitor! Dirty bastard traitor! I knew it was you, number...
37.
Number 37! Strike him from the roster, Dr. Girlfriend.
Hank and Dean: He started it!
No, I started it years ago in a moment of passion! And I'll end it the same way right here in front of Brock, H.E.L.P.eR., and God!
(Brock is piloting the Ventures' phallic ship into Gargantua-1's docking bay)
LBLt. Baldavitch
Let's take this slow. It's my first time.
I'll be gentle. Now where do you want this hot rocket?
LBLt. Baldavitch
Wow! That's a big one. Now, ease it in...good, just like that.
Uugh, ay-yi...uugh, Brock, can we speed this up? I really need to go number one, I'm serious.
LBLt. Baldavitch
That's it! Keep going. Slow...slow...YES! That's it!
That's a tight fit.
LBLt. Baldavitch
(sighs) It's like they were made for each other.
(annoyed) Yes, because they were, because they were both made by the same guy. Now can we finish this up, please?
I'm almost there, brace yourself because it's gonna be... (trails off)
Oh, come on!
Oh, sweet mercy, tell me these suits have a collection pouch.
CMCol. Manstrong
Sharky's Machine!
It's on!
It's off!
It's on!
It's off!
It's on!
It's off!
It's on!
Off!
It's on!
It's off!
It's on!
Off!
It's on!
VDr. Venture
That's called 'blinking', boys...
Now it's just regular on.
(after being rescued from being in space without a spacesuit)
Gonna...go...lay down...for a...second...
Oh yeah, the pain. It's not so bad. I hacked up some blood a couple of minutes ago, and there was this pink chunk about the size of, uh...one of those little kiwifruit, but I don't feel anything missing, so I'm not too worried.
HDHank and Dean
Phantom Space Man!
CMCol. Manstrong
So..h-how was he?
LBLt. Baldavich
How was who?
CMCol. Manstrong
Oh, come on! I shook his hand, it's all fat and stubby! He must have like a huge mushroom down there! So...does he have a Smurf living in it or what?
LBLt. Baldavich
What's got into you?
CMCol. Manstrong
Got into me?! I know what got into you, and that's what got into me!
LBLt. Baldavitch
You don't deserve to be jealous! I gave you every chance in the world!
CMCol. Manstrong
I'm not jealous! I'm pissed! You said you were going to wait 'til-
LBLt. Baldavitch
No! You said we were going to wait! I-I don't have to take this! (stomps away, shoving Col. Manstrong aside)
CMCol. Manstrong
That's because you already took it! In the...lap! From...not me!
Bionic, huh? Let's see how bionic. (he kicks Summers in the testicles)
(in agony) Ooof...right in my Cape Canaverals!
Wait a minute, I know you too. You're Steve Summers, astronaut!
Former astronaut.
I thought you died.
That's what everyone was meant to think, though I was barely alive after my test ship broke up, but the army saved me. They spent six million dollars to give me all new bionic parts. Made me stronger, better, faster than I was. Then you know what they did? They put me to work! They expected me to pay it all back! Do you have any idea how long six million bucks takes to pay off on a government salary?!
You could've told me Sasquatch was a dude.
Eh? What, you couldn't tell?
Not until I had to.. (shudder) ...shave him.
What are you, shy? Sasquatch doesn't have anything you haven't seen before.
(angrily) Sasquatch IS something I haven't seen before!
2#24
When they closed the plant, there weren't a lot of jobs for me. All I got's a GED. It was either this or the army.
HÜnderbheit henchman
In Ünderland, all citizens are required to serve in his lordship's infantry from the ages of 12 to 37. At 38, we are executed.
RMRandom Monarch henchman
When I met the Monarch, I was hooked on crack cocaine. I get in all kinds of trouble. Monarch turned my life around. How 'bout you, why'd you join up?
2#21
You guys kidnapped me when I was 15.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.