[V.O.] The interior locks in an office suite are usually low-end; just there to keep white-collar workers from stealing coffee cups. File cabinet locking bars, on the other hand, are a more serious security measure. Their main vulnerability is that they depend on people's faith in padlocks. People have too much faith in padlocks.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Uh, Sam, didn't you forget something? [Madeline hands him a number of bullets] I found them in your pants. I heard them rattling around in the washing machine when I was doing your laundry.
Yeah, 9 mm. Uh, hey, err, I don't know what to say.
I'd say nothing. Nothing's good. Go with nothing.
[V.O.] Sometimes, when you meet a new operative, it's a good idea to open with an aggressive move. You learn about people when you make them play defense: their reflexes, weaknesses, how they handle themselves under pressure. And even if they are able to counter, it never hurts to know how far they're willing to go.
[V.O.] When meeting a covert operative for the first time, the arrangements can tell you a lot: if they give you a map and a photo, they trust you; a place and a time, they want to check you out before they make contact; a cryptic clue like "tidy pelican", they've just got an irritating sense of humor.
VWVictor the Wrangler
I don't like your field tactics.
I don't like your whining. Are you gonna pout all night?
[motions to his bodyguard] Fiona? Do me a favor, keep Jackass company. Shouldn't be hard, he's attracted to shiny objects.
You wanna be a badass, you gotta eat healthy!
[Sam and Virgil, Michael's houseguest, are talking to Michael on the phone.]
VVirgil
Listen, I didn't pack enough underwear, so I borrowed a set of your boxers: the blue ones with the stripes.
[visibly horrified] They will never fit you; stay out of my closet.
VVirgil
They're a little snug down under, but I got all packed in. 'Preciate it.
Mike, be glad you didn't have to see that.
[Michael stops a soccer ball headed in his direction.]
BBoy
Kick it! Kick it!
[Michael kicks the ball towards the boy.]
MMarcela
Hey, no ball on the sidewalk.
He started it.
[Michael and Virgil find a stash of stolen drugs in Feldman's golfing store.]
[laying a series of photographs on the counter] Quite a clientele. Banker... Superior Court Judge... We thought we'd mail each of these people a photograph of himself walking out the door of this shop, in one of these lovely handsome frames...
FFeldman
All right, just stop it! I got a call about the drugs. I sell Viagra, Vicodin and tranqs, what am I gonna do with a million dollars' worth of anti-virals?
VVirgil
Who is this guy anyway?
FFeldman
His name's Gerard, he's a total psycho.
You are gonna call Gerard, you are going to tell him you have a buyer for his drugs.
FFeldman
No, I can't do that, that's insane...
What will the neighbors think? They've been living next to a... [shouts toward the door of the shop] DRUG DEALER!
FFeldman
Shh, shh, shh!
"He seemed so nice..."
[voice-over] For certain types of criminals, partying hard serves an important management function. You can keep an eye on your employees during the off-hours, and keep them spending money, so they're hungry for the next score.
[V.O.] Dealing with a trained operative is like playing chess with a master. Dealing with criminals, on the other hand, is like playing checkers with a three-year-old: they like to change the rules.
[Michael pretends to shoot Virgil, who falls off a boat into the ocean.]
[V.O.] Navy SEALs are trained to hold their breath for 3-5 minutes underwater. If you're an ex-Navy SEAL, then you probably still have the chops, but there's only one way to find out.
If the devil had a name, it'd be "Chuck... [whispering] Finley"!
[V.O.] Spies make great neighbors; they're polite, they keep the lawn trim, and they never crank up the music at night. They don't stand out, because they don't want to be found. So if you're hunting for a covert operative and all you've got to go on are the names of a few dozen suspects, you're out of luck... unless you know where to look.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.