Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[holding the Chalice of Life] Everything I've ever hoped for, Larsen! Right here, right now! Eternal youth; eternal life!
Perhaps you would like me to sample it first, sir? To make sure it's safe?
Uh, no that won't be necessary. Oh you don't think I'd leave you out of this, old friend? After all your years of faithful service?
Well, I had hoped-
Larsen, I want you by my side to serve me forever!
Oh goodie...
I'm in the woods, I'm tired, cold, and hungry. And I'm being hunted! [shines flashlight on Jackie] Ah!
Jade, I thought you were going to gather firewood.
Hello?! Have you learned nothing from the movies? Whoever gets the firewood is always the creeping terror's first victim.
So that's what happened to the other little girl I sent for firewood.
Very funny.
Perhaps the little monkey is closer than you think. [shows Jackie Chan the Lotus Temple]
The Lotus Temple! Are you coming?
I will wait here. I would not want to... intrude.
Ancient wisdom; the worm realizes he's bait, only after the fish bites.
Uncle Jackie, the sun's coming up!
Good.
You don't understand! The temple vanishes at dawn, and anyone inside goes with it!
How many crazy rules does this temple have?!
Incredible.
Incredibly boring. What kind of lame pyramid is this? No mummy curses, no booby traps, no bonus points.
This is not a video game, Jade. This is important research.
It is just as we told El Toro! The Chupacabra attacked our house!
And what exactly did the creature look like?
It was giant with glowing red eyes, four fangs, oh claws too, and it howled like this: Arooooo!
Yup. Sounds like a chimichanga to me.
Fear not. The beast is no match against El Toro, the Bull!
And El Jackie, th- ...the Chan!
[Uncle kicks door open]
The flight was delayed, the food was terrible, the movie had no plot, and I had turbulence!
Ghost?
Kinda. [looking at an old book depicting one of Jackie's ancestors] The ghost of Jackie.
[picking up the book] "The Hong Kong Kid".
Aiya! Do not scare Uncle like that!
Amazing! The picture looks just like me! This book must be about my great-great grandfather!
Fine, take home. Make good bedtime story.
I want to hear it now.
Me too!
Uh, howdy partners.
Well looky here boys. We got us a railroad worker.
Railroad workers ain't allowed in this here establishment, ain't that right, Moreen?
I don't want no trouble here!
Oh, no trouble ma'am. I would just like a ginger ale, with lots of ice please. Very thirsty. I've been working on the railroad... [the thugs sit next to him] Uh... all the live long day?
[a very well dressed, well behaved young woman arrives via stagecoach]
Uncle Jackie?
Uh, I am Jackie.
I am your niece. Just arrived from Hong Kong.
[outside the story]
This is so cool! She's my long lost, great-great something or other! I bet you she looked exactly like me.
Uh, actually it says here that the Sheriff's niece was very tall, and fifteen years old.
Must be a type-o.
[the well dressed niece is replaced by a younger, rowdy looking niece resembling Jade]
I grow impatient, Valmont! I trust your men were able to pull off a simple robbery?
Rest assured, Shendu. My boys will be rendezvousing with us momentarily. [Finn and Ratso walk into the cave] You see?
Uh, ran into a little trouble.
That sheriff you hired.
You didn't get the gold?!
Fools!
Hey, hold on Shen-dude! Ain't exactly like we came back empty-handed! [Ratso clicks, and a horse enters the cave] Got the horse off the stagecoach just like you asked.
I didn't want the horse, I wanted the Horse TALISMAN!
Oh... uh, what's a talisman?
Who will be the first to try my Shanghai Surprise Elixer? Very powerful, good for digestion!
Hi, remember me?
Ah, girl from Hong Kong. Look different. Thought you were fifteen, and taller.
It was a type-o!
You claim a fold-up man stole ze painting, slipped between ze bars, transformed into a bird, and flew away?
I'll show you. [takes a page of the inspector's notes, begins folding the paper] He bent like this, folded like that, twisted over, then again, then he looked just like this! [opens his hand to reveal a crumpled ball] Uh, but more bird shaped.
Monsieur Chan, I will thank you not to destroy my notes, si vous plait!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
