Let's make history.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
DGDai Gui
Shendu, and his accursed Talismans!
[blocking Shendu's heat beams] Jackie, help Uncle search! Stop fooling!
Fooling?! [shows Uncle's Dog Talisman] I'm not immortal!
Get away from the Book! Surrender, your team has been neutralized!
Big whoop. [runs to the Book of Ages] If I can't find Shendu's changes, I'll make some of my own! [begins writing] "...and then Jackie grew twenty feet tall."
[Jackie Chan suddenly grows twenty feet]
PPaco
Now Jackie is the greatest!
YOU! [charges Jade]
Shendu! [leaps and kicks Shendu to the ground]
DGDai Gui
The girl!
[writing more] ...Here comes...Super Tohru. [Tohru is transformed into a flying strong superhero, and tosses Dai Gui aside; Jade continues writing] Say hello, to Robo-Viper. [Viper is transformed into a mechanical robot warrior]
Like nuking fish in a barrel. [blasts Bai Tza]
PPaco
[takes the brush from Jade] My turn! [writes and grows El Toro bigger]
Hey! No fair!
PPaco
Now El Toro is the greatest!
[takes the brush back] Jackie is!
[they fight over the brush, causing El Toro and Jackie to grow bit by bit]
PPaco
El Toro!
No, Jackie!
PPaco
El Toro!
Jackie!
PPaco
El Toro!
Jade Jackie!
PPaco
El Toro!
You want to defeat the demons? Yes? Then write that Uncle banishes the Demons already!
JPJade and Paco
Duh!
Bad day...for demons!
JSJade's Parents
Jade!
Mom! Dad!
JSJade's Mother
Cousin Jackie!
JSJade's Father
Uncle!
JSJade's Mother
What brings you to Hong Kong?
Hong Kong Moose World! [winks at Jade who winks back]
Uh, look at the watch Jackie got me!
PPaco
Moose World? Can I go too?
What mooses? We were fighting Demo- [is elbowed by Viper]
Uhhh traffic! We were fighting Hong Kong traffic to visit you.
So I could show you how much I've learned in America.
JSJade's Mother
We know you have been doing very well there, Jade.
JSJade's Father
No doubt due to Cousin Jackie's excellent training.
In all honesty, it is Jade who sometimes trains me...
You've been acting all weird lately. [Tohru groans] C'mon, you can tell me! It's Uncle, right? That garlic smell?
It's my mother...
What? Is she sick, or- ...You have a mom?
What's so yuck about a visit from your mom?
[sigh] I am the black sheep. All I have ever wanted was for my mother to be proud of me.
Well, she will be! Look at you! You're handsome, and big, you've got a...you're big!
[upon seeing the antique store] This where you live?! Ugh...you gave up good job with nice Mr. Valmont for this?!
Nice? Hello, doesn't she know that Valmont's a crook?
No...and please do not tell her.
Aah, my son. A servant in a junk shop!
Junk shop?!
This is an antique store.
Hah! Only antique I see is the billy goat there! [referring to Uncle]
Billy goat?!
Mommy!
Hushup!
Dragon lady should watch her forked tongue unless she wants a piece of Uncle!
Hah! I would sweep floor with you! And this floor needs it.
[answers his phone] Hello?
Hope I didn't catch you in the middle of anything, Jackie.
Uh, Uncle and Tohru's mom are getting acquainted.
Ah, family time.
[holding a vase] Cheap junk!
[takes vase away] Xing Dynasty!
Could be trouble brewing on the horizon.
Believe me, I know.
The Octopus will be on exhibit at the Japanese Expo. I'd feel better if you were there to assist with security.
Uh, you want me to guard a fish?
Actually, octopuses aren't fish, they're multipods.
Octopi...[as Uncle and Mama Tohru continue to bicker] Please, behave!
Sorry, Grammar was never my best subject in school...
Oh, you mean the Kyoto Octopus! It is the most famous relic of the Komodo Dynasty.
Intelligence sources that the Yokanawa Crime Family has the octopus in its sights.
Huh! Why don't you get some light in here?
Thought bats could see in the dark.
[to Uncle and Mama Tohru] This must stop!
My thinking exactly. I'll set it up. Thanks for your help, Jackie.
Grape is my favorite.
YCYokanawa Crime Boss
You made a wise choice, Tohru.
What do I do?
YCYokanawa Crime Boss
Nothing fancy. You cruise into the expo, create a diversion, meanwhile my boys make an endrun, and nab the octopus. One tiny problem. Word is, you double-crossed your old boss, Valmont. That you're a rat.
I am no rat!
YTYokanawa Thug 1
Prove it!
I have information.
YCYokanawa Crime Boss
Yeah?
Um, Jackie Chan will be working security at the expo.
YTYokanawa Thug 2
I heard of him. They say he's unbeatable.
[crushes a desk] Nobody is unbeatable.
YCYokanawa Crime Boss
I trust you'll take care of this Jackie Chan personally, Tohru. ...And I mean, permanently.
[Jade rides into the expo on a scooter]
Jade, how did you get in here?
Security's lousy.
[as Uncle and Mama Tohru enter the backroom]
Uncle!
Mommy!
YTYokanawa Thug 1
Hey! I said "front door" and to come alone!
I told her! [to Mama Tohru] See?! I told you!
Nyah! Would have lost your way! Near-sighted mule can barely see hook nose in front of his face!
Eyesight good enough to see the hair growing out of that mole!
That is a beauty mark!
YCYokanawa Crime Boss
Quit the squabbling, and put the fish on the table!
YTYokanawa Thug 1
Uhh, boss, technically an octopus is a member of the multipod family, and- [is given a look by his boss] Put the fish on the table!
[examining the frozen humanoid] Look at his expression. I wonder what was going through his mind.
...Look out behind you.
Yes! Perhaps!
No, I mean look out behind you! [Jackie turns to see armed inuits]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.