Well, the sooner you find a forklift, the sooner I may lift a fork...to my lips.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Uncle!
[looking around] Where?
Careful! That one, uh...turns you into a chocolate bunny!
Borris, that brazed manatee you prepared last week was absolutely exquisite, and the grilled American condor on a bit of fava bean [puckering sounds] to die for. Don't forget the carrots.
Release Aesop, you tortoise-eating creep!
[chuckling] Such a delightful child. She'll go well with a nice Bearnaise sauce, wouldn't you say, Borris?
WHAT?!
Only joking, princess. Children are much too common for my sophisticated palette.
Whoa. How'd you get from there to here so fast?
[shows Jade the Rabbit Talisman] And now we'll save the tortoise. See? Slow and steady, wins the race.
But you have super, rabbit speed! I'm getting mixed messages here!
Oh-er-uh. Don't be smart!
Valmont, your men are supposed to acquire Talismans! Not sell pets!
Perhaps if you'd given fair consideration to the advance I requested, none of this would have-
[Shendu in a fury shoots fire at both Valmont and Tohru]
WHOA! I did not know he could do that!
Come on! A turbo-turtle?
Faster than a speeding rabbit.
No way!
Way!
Yeah, right. I bet that super strong Ox guy was there too!
El Toro? Nah, that was in Mexico, when I was flying the plane!
Valmont? Where is the Dragon talisman?
My men are on it.
Your men could not find their own shadows, and your incompetence continues to stupefy me.
Oh? I'll stupefy you- [the Shadowkhan appear around him]
Temper, Valmont...
The arrogance of that over-sized lawn ornament.
FFinn
Valmont! Check it out! [holding up the Dragon Talisman]
You actually did your job? Imagine!
FFinn
You're not stoked?
[angrily] I'm absolutely giddy! [hurls the Dragon talisman into the wall, which activates the power, blasting a hole in the ceiling]
[infusing the Dragon Talisman to his hand] Puff, the Magic Dragon...
Mr. Chan, this is not the first time we've had a problem with Jade. Swinging from gym lamps, stealth walking with ladders, scaling the building with the fire hose...
Just like Jackie! He reminds me of a chimpanzee!
Uncle!
Now I don't know where Jade learned to fight...
From Jackie! He's a good teacher!
Uncle, shhhh! Ms. Hartman, I assure you, the martial arts are meant to discipline Jade, not teach her to-
Martial arts? Like karate?
Kung-fu! Best self defense! Whole body becomes a secret weapon!
FFinn
Valmont, you are da bomb! Pun totally intended.
Hey, ain't ole dragon breath gonna start wondering where his rock is?
Pity. It's doing wonders for our cash flow.
FFinn
One more heist, Big V?
One for the history books.
[after catching Jackie]
Jackie Chan! Finally, we meet. [holding up the Dragon Talisman] It was nice knowing you.
You really go for the gold, Mr. Chan. Fool's gold.
You know, Valmont? I was wondering, what is one of these worth? An all expenses paid trip to Melvin World? [tosses a gold brick into the water]
You'll pay for that!
[Jackie begins throwing dozens of gold bricks into the water]
What about these? A new Ferrari?
Chan!
A summer home? Your own private island to build it on? A robot butler for that home?
ARGH! [blasts his ship in half] Blast.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.