Are some people made of heavy metal?
Lemmy.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[To James Acaster] What's NuMetal?
JAJames Acaster
It was rap and metal together. It went very badly.
How many paintings did Vincent van Gogh sell which he was alive.
[To Alan.] Don’t say none.
None. I’m gonna say none.
[The klaxon goes off – ‘none’]
Really, I’m afraid...
One.
A few, maybe.
[The klaxon goes off – ‘one’]
It was lots, he sold hundreds of paintings.
Hundreds?!
Yeah. When he was 15, he used to work in an art gallery.
Oh, shut up.
It’s true. I just asked you how many paintings...
This is the closest I’ve come to walking out of this show.
Alan’s buzzer?
[Alan presses it, it’s a buzzard. The klaxon goes off – ‘buzzard’.]
That wasn’t a buzzer, that was a buzzard.
That’s harsh, though.
It is harsh.
Am I on minus then already? That is a new record.
I have no... My hands are tied.
If we were on a direct flight from Madrid to Montana, which American states beginning with M would we fly over on the way?
‘Merica? Is that one?
[Showing the distance between Madrid and Montana on a globe. Chris is struggling.]
Are you wrestling with the world, here?
Aren’t we all, Stephen?
How did the first American Air Mail arrive at its destination?
Human cannonball. They put a post man in a cannon and fired him.
What is the best way to do a massive data dump?
Give your laptop to a British civil servant.
The church excommunicated all mimes in the 5th century
Not a moment too soon.
When they say “the police are quizzing the suspect”, that's wrong, isn't it?
No, that's from inquisitive and inquisition. That's a separate...
You're good, you've got it. You're on the right chair. [points to himself] Got this cold feeling right there.
Name the cause of the first mass extinction.
Oh, now, that is a trick one. You're trying to do us the dinosaur one, but there was the one before that...
After fourteen years, he understands the format.
[On the subject of feet] I consider them the frayed edges of the body.
[Alan has answered several questions in a row correctly]
What's going on with you today? Suddenly you know shit.
Substandard panel, really.
[On a vodka ice bar in Norway]
Fantastic experience. As far as I can remember.
[On Kim Jong-un]
He looks like a cross between a Bond villain and Augustus Gloop.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.