Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[Sam passes in front of the window on the building's edge]
Holy crap!
What? [looks behind]
I just remembered, when I was a kid I swallowed, like, eight things of pop rocks and then drank a whole can of coke. You don't think that that counts as a suicide attempt, do you?
Come on, man, I know Sam, okay, better than anyone. He's got more of a conscience than I do. I mean, the guy feels guilty surfing the Internet for porn.
We've gotta save as many people as we can.
Wow, that attitude is just way too healthy for me. I'm officially uncomfortable now. Thank you.
Dude, this is sweet! I never get to work jobs like this.
Like what?
Old-school haunted houses. You know: fog, secret passageways, sissy British accents. We might even run into Fred and Daphne while we're inside. Mmm, Daphne...love her.
Of course, the most troubling question is why do these people assume we're gay?
Well, you are kind of butch. Probably think you're overcompensating.
[uncomfortable chuckle] Right.
You know, she could be faking.
Yeah, what do you wanna do, poke her with a stick? [Dean nods] Dude, you're not gonna poke her with a stick!
Feels good to get back in the saddle, doesn't it?
Yeah. Yeah, it does. But it doesn't change what we talked about last night, Dean.
[evasive] We talked about a lotta things last night.
You know what I mean.
You were wasted.
But you weren't. And you promised.
Frigging cops.
They're just doing their job.
No, they're doing our job. Only they don't know it, so they suck at it.
Man, that has got to be the kicker, straight up. I mean, you tell that poor son of a bitch that - - Wh-what did you say? Remand the tapes that he copied? Classified evidence of an ongoing investigation? That's messed up.
What, are you pissed at me or something?
No, I just think it's a little creepy how good of a fed you are. I mean come on, we could've at least thrown the guy a bone. He did some pretty good legwork here.
[laugh] Mandroid?
Except for the mandroid part. I liked him. He's not that different from you and me. People think we're crazy.
Yeah, except he's not a hunter Dean. He's just a guy who stumbled onto something real. If he were to go up against this, he'd get torn apart. Better to stay in the dark and stay alive.
Yeah, I guess.
Are you nuts?
That's just it, I'm not nuts. I mean, I was so scared that I was losing my marbles, but this is real! I mean, I was right! Except for the mandroid thing, thank you.
Yeah, don't mention it.
[about the Feds taking over the situation] Let me guess. You're lead dog now, but you would just love my full cooperation.
I don't give a rat’s ass what you do. You can go get a doughnut and bang your wife for all I care.
[on the phone, in the command center] This is Special Agent Victor Henrickson.
Yeah, listen, I'm not really in the negotiating mood right now.
Good. Me neither.
So-
It's my job to bring you in; alive's a bonus but not necessary.
Whoa. That's kinda harsh for a Federal Agent, don't you think?
Well, you're not the typical suspect, are you, Dean? [Dean looks horrified] I want you and Sam out here, unarmed. Or we come in. And yes, I know about Sam, too. Bonnie to your Clyde.
Yeah, well, that part's true, but how'd you even know we were here?
Go screw yourself, that's how I knew. It's become my job to know about you, Dean. I've been looking for you for weeks now. I know about the murder in St. Louis, I know about the Houdini act you pulled in Baltimore. I know about the desecrations and the thefts. I know about your dad.
[darkly] Hey, you don't know crap about my dad.
Ex-marine, raised his kids on the road, cheap motels, backwood cabins. Real paramilitary survivalist type. I just can't get a handle on what type of whacko he was. White supremacist, Timmy McVeigh, to-may-to, to-mah-to.
You got no right talking about my dad like that. He was a hero.
Yeah. Right. Sure sounds like it. You have one hour to make a decision or we come through those doors full automatic.
[pounds his forehead in frustration as he hangs up the phone.]
So, no disturbances lately?
You mean am I stark raving cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?
You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns, too. In fact, I hear that they they ride on silver moonbeams, and they shoot rainbows out of their ass!
Wait. There's no such thing as unicorns?
That's cute. I'm just saying, man, there’s some legends that you just... you file under "Bull Crap".
And you got angels on the "Bull Crap" list?
Yep.
Why?
Because I've never seen one.
So what?
So, I believe in what I can see.
Dean, you and I have seen things most people couldn't even dream about.
Exactly, with our own eyes. That's hard proof, okay? But in all this time, I have never seen anything that looks like an angel. And don't you think that if they existed, that we would have crossed paths with them, or at least know someone that crossed paths with them? No. This is a demon or a spirit. You know? They find people a few fries short of a Happy Meal and they trick 'em into killing these randoms.
Well, I think I learned a valuable lesson. Always take down your Christmas decorations after New Year's, or you might get filleted by hooker from God. HA!
I'm laughing on the inside.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
