“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

Dewey

[as he and Webby battle a sea monster] You hideous monster! I will avenge my mother by killing you with the very spear you're sworn to protect!

You shall never get the Spear of Poseidon!

Dewey

I'm sorry, the Spear of who, now?

The Spear of Poseidon!

Dewey

Man, we got the wrong chamber again!

Webby

We're looking for the Spear of Selene.

Ohhh, huh. [sets them down] You're gonna wanna go back down the hall, past the Harpy Aviary, third door on your left. Garden of Selene. Can't miss it.

Webby

Oh, hey thanks!

Dewey

Sorry about calling you a hideous monster before. I'm sure you're very attractive by sea monster standards.

Not really. Thanks though.

Dewey

So where's the Spear of Selene, Selene?

What spear?

Dewey

The one Della took from your garden.

You mean the Sphere of Selene?

Dewey

Why does no one get what I'm saying? The Spear of Selene!

I've never had a spear. Do you mean the Sword of Selene? That's down the hall-

Dewey

No! The Spear of Selene! The one my mom took! The one that's our only clue to finding her!

Ah, you're Della's kid! I shoulda realized, you're just like her. I'm sorry, I haven't seen her in years, and I don't know what the Spear of Selene is.

Dewey

So we're back to "she stole Scrooge's spear and betrayed the family" then. Great.

What? No way. She loved her family more than anything in the world. Oh, Della wasn't just a good person, she was the greatest, and she made everyone around her better.

Webby

Maybe the spear isn't an artifact. Maybe it's something else.

Your mom did love a good mystery. [gives Dewey her Sphere] Here. It's not a spear, but it is a treasure even Della never found. Don't give up, young duck. Your mother never did.

Darkwing

I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the little roller skate at the base of villainy's staircase. I am Darkwing Duck!

Launchpad

[holds up two shirts with mustard and ketchup stains] Big day, Dewey. Mustard stain or ketchup stain?

Dewey

Mustard. Looks less like blood. What is this weird show?

Launchpad

Whoa, what? Darkwing Duck? The greatest TV show of all time?

Dewey

Ha! Maybe when you were a kid. This hero guy doesn't shoot lasers or anything.

Launchpad

That hero guy is Jim Starling. He was an old-school actor who did all his own stunts. Sure, he got a little banged up in later seasons.

Darkwing

Keep rolling.

Launchpad

But that just made him even more heroic.

Dewey

Why didn't he just use CGI?

Launchpad

[chuckles] Real heroes don't need high-tech special effects or basic safety precautions. So, how do I look? [Dewey gives him a thumbs-up; they get in the limo] Remember, Dewey, a true hero thinks with his gut or not at all. [to his Darkwing bobblehead] Right, D.W.?

Let's get dangerous.

Dewey

What's the special occasion, anyway?

Launchpad

I finally got my driver's license!

Dewey

Uh, wait, what?

Dewey

How have you been a driver without a driver's license?

Launchpad

Hey, come on. I've got a pilot's license, don't I? [realizes] Wait, don't I?

Dewey

Ugh. Aren't you worried Scrooge will find out?

Launchpad

You kidding? I had them mail the license straight to him so he'd be first to know. [tears up] Ah, he's gonna be so proud of me. [chuckles] Wow.

Dewey

The Bin, The Bin, The Bin! Slow down!

Launchpad

[hits the breaks and the limo spins around and stops in a parking spot] I bet Mr. McD's got some kind of party planned for my big day. Wouldn't want to ruin the… [enters Scrooge's office] Surprise! [the office is empty] Huh. [bursts into the meeting room] Surprise! [the meeting room is also empty; opens a janitor's closet] Supplies? Boy he's really getting my hopes up. The payoff is gonna be amazing.

Gyro

Intern, try to think.

Fenton Crackshell

But that's all I do all the time.

Gyro

Well, do it better.

Launchpad

Eh, you probably couldn't fit a driver in that tiny train anyway. Uh, say, speaking of drivers…

Scrooge

Gyro, the board needs results. Ever since Bulb Tech backfired, you need an invention that, well…

Dewey

Won't turn evil and kill us all.

Gyro

Due respect, sir, innovation doesn't work that way. I can't just wake up one morning and say…

Dewey

How about a self-driving robot car?

Launchpad

A what now?

Gyro

Too many variables. A self driving robot car would turn evil like that. Nobody could…

Dewey

Well, Mark Beaks did. He just posted that he's having a demo later today.

Gyro

What?! That hack couldn't even program a microwave. We'll see about this.

Launchpad

Okay, cool. I'll just tell you my big news later.

Scrooge

Launchpad, I almost forgot.

Launchpad

Yeah?

Scrooge

Stop having mail delivered to my office. That's for incoming checks and death threats only.

Beaks

Crushed it! It's a hectic world, posting things online, checking to see who liked your post. Couldn't you use a little time for yourself? Couldn't you use a B.U.D.D.Y.? That's the "Beaks-Unmanned-Driver-Drone-Yay!" B.U.D.D.Y. will drive you anywhere quickly, efficiently and cheaply! B.U.D.D.Y. is compatible with any vehicle, making traditional drivers a thing of the past. The Waddle B.U.D.D.Y. system. Because machines are the new man. And hold for applause!

Launchpad

Can you program a robot to brave the unknown and laugh at danger?

Beaks

Yes.

Launchpad

Can a robot greet you with a kind word at the end of a long day?

Beaks

Yes.

That's a nice. Gray. Cardigan. Mr. Beaks. You are. Killing. It. Today.

Launchpad

Yeah, well, can a robot pull you from the wreckage of a crash with a reassuring smile that tells you everything's gonna be okay?

Beaks

Well, no, because it can't crash.

Launchpad

Wait, what now? I'm sorry, what was that?

Gyro

[calling for Fenton] Dummy! There's some dummies here to see you.

Fenton

At your beck and call, Dr. Gearloose. I heard everything. [notices Manny] Everything. I'm happy to prove my worth by aiding Mr. McQuack.

Fenton

Forgive Dr. Gearloose. He's a little more deranged than usual trying to figure out how Beaks beat him to the self-driving car.

Launchpad

That won't be a problem once I put that tin can in its place. In the recycling, where the garbage goes.

Dewey

Woof. We'll work on smack talk later. Right now, we need something to help Launchpad get the edge on B.U.D.D.Y.

Fenton

Step into my laboratory.

Dewey

Your lab is in the bathroom?

Fenton

Dr. Gearloose says this is the perfect place for my work. I'm just now realizing that remark may not have been entirely complimentary. No matter!

Scrooge

Impressive display, Beaks. You have really built something here.

Gyro

Or did he?! [pops up from behind a standee of himself] I couldn't be sure until I saw how it performed under pressure. The precision, the deadly grace. Oh, yes, I've seen it before. Ha ha! Beaks Tech is actually Bulb Tech! That's how he beat me to the punch! He stole my technology! [to a police officer standee] Officer, arrest this man!

Scrooge

Is this true?

Beaks

Of course not. I didn't steal it from him. I stole it from a public online forum, then "Beaks'd" it up.

Gyro

How would one of my inventions end up online? [gazes at Fenton and gasps]

Fenton

[examines Lil' Bulb; amazed] Oh, wow!

Gyro

[sharped with anger] You!

Fenton

You circumvented the kill switch. Why didn't anyone else on the message board figure that out?

Gyro

[furiously] You posted my top-secret plans on the INTERNET?!?!

Fenton

You were having so much trouble keeping your inventions from turning evil, so I, turned to the Net to crowd-source a solution? [smiles sheepishly]

Beaks

[as B.U.D.D.Y. goes haywire] Oh, we need a logic puzzle to fry its circuits! Uh, robot! What is love?

Gearloose

That's stupid! Robot, could I invent an element so heavy even I couldn't lift it?

Beaks

Ha. I definitely could.

Gearloose

No, you couldn't!

Launchpad

I may not be Mr. McD's driver for much longer, but he can still count on me to get him where he's going. I'll keep him busy. You figure out a way to get them out of that car.

Fenton

I think I got something for that. You try corralling them into a ravine, or-

Launchpad

I'll probably just crash into it.

Fenton

Isn't that really, really unsafe?

Launchpad

Tried playing safe, old friend. Didn't work. [takes out his Darkwing Duck bobblehead figure] Let's get dangerous.

Fenton

Operating passcode, "Blathering blatherskite!"

Scrooge

Who the blazes are you?

Gizmoduck

Call me... [the B.U.D.D.Y. car crashes into him] Gizmoduck!