[at Carmen's school]:
Mr Durango, I'm Angie Lopez, you know "Spuds" [points to George]
DDurango
Glad you're here. We need to talk about your daughter.
Look man, no more talking. I told you i wanted those girls brought in and you didn't, and my daughter got hurt. NOW you're gonna do something starting with unsuspending Carmen.
DDurango
I can't do that.
Yes you can, Carmen is the victim here.
DDurango
She is not. I spoke to Piper and the other girls who were there, Carmen started the fight.
That doesn't make any sense.
DDurango
It does if you know that Adam broke up with Carmen to go out with Piper.
Piper and her friends are lying to you.
DDurango
Well you're not exactly an unbiased party. So unless you have a witness to back up Carmen's story, I have to take Piper's word.
[Later on, Adam's now in the room]:
I started the rumor about Carmen because she broke up with me, then I saw Piper and her friends making fun of Carmen.
Piper's lying. I saw her push Carmen and throw the first punch. She started the fight.
DDurango
And no one put you up to this?
DDurango
Okay. Mr and Mrs Lopez, I'll talk to the vice principal and I'll get Carmen's suspension reversed. I'm sorry.
You're not suspended. Piper is.
You can go back to school. Mr. Durango's gonna make sure none of the kids ever mess with you again.
Carmen, everything is gonna be better now. Adam's gonna tell everyone that he lied.
You don't understand. It's too late. I'm the school whore now.
Carmen, I think you're getting a little carried away. [Carmen walks over to the answering machine and turns it on]
TBTeenage Boy
[over the answering machine] Yeah. This is Jason. I'd like to leave a message for the school whore. [he and another boy start laughing]
Who are those boys? I'll get 'em suspended.
[starts to cry] Then suspend everybody! You know what else happened today? A boy followed me in the bathroom and asked me if I wanted to do it!
[as she tries to comfort Carmen] Honey...
Another boy pulled up my shirt when I was walking down the hall! [cries] Please don't make me go back. Please! [hugs George as she cries]
It's okay, baby. We'll figure something out. Go upstairs so your mom and I can talk. [Carmen goes upstairs]
She's not wrong. She can never get her reputation back.
I don't want to see her suffer like this for three more years.
Me either. What are you thinking?
That's what I was thinking. Can we afford it?
No. We'll have to sell the boy.
Is there a George Lopez here?
GIGeorge II
You got it, man.
GIGeorge II
If we're playing 20 questions, it should be 20 different questions.
[taking a look at a T-shirt] How does that work for you, man? You having fun being George Edward Lopez?
GIGeorge II
I didn't say my middle name.
[George II stands up, concerned]
GIGeorge II
Look, buddy, I got a button right here behind the counter.
Hey, press it. I want the cops to come. Because *I'm* the real George Lopez.
GIGeorge II
Dude, what are you talking about?
You went on the internet, got my information and stole my identity. You ruined my credit. What the hell is your real name?
[George II gets his wallet out]
GIGeorge II
[shows his license] It's George Lopez.
Anybody could get a fake license. Quick, what's your social security number?
GIGeorge II
Psst. [grabs a skateboard and walks out from behind the counter] I'm not giving out my social security number.
GIGeorge II
Somebody might steal my identity.
[puts it with the others]
Alright, I'll tell you mine. We'll say it at the same time. Ready? Go.
GGGeorge & George II
849-220-6460.
[George turns away, then back, looking serious. George II glares]
GIGeorge II
Look, I don't know how this is happening. I got some credit problems, but... I'm not a thief, man.
Okay, here's what you're gonna do. Be at my work tomorrow at 9:00 AM. I wanna see your birth certificate, or I'm calling the cops. And if the cops don't find you, I will, and I'll kick your ass.
GIGeorge II
Kick all you want, dude. I skateboard. I can't feel anything down there. [George glares at him] I'll be there.
[George walks out]
That's how people say goodbye, Max.
No, in the garage last night.
In her nightgown. The red one, not the black one! Dad said we should wait 'til she left to tell you.
Left the city, man. Not the porch!
Angie [to Max]: Hey honey, you hungry? I made some veggie burgers. I got one left!
No way. Vegetarians are left-wing nutjobs. They undermine the beef industry and put a lot of good, hard-working Americans out on their butts.
That's what my head ranger, Mr. Dugan, says.
Man, what are they teaching you over there? You're supposed to be learning about knots and wood carving.
Wood carving? Ha! Try to get a piece of lumber nowadays, with all these liberal tree-huggers.
You know what I hate? You can't smoke in restaurants, but a mother can pull out her chi-chi's to feed a baby.
Max [to George]: Can I get a gun permit?
Dude, you still got cartoons on your underwear. No.
[to Marisol] I don't believe you. I bring you into my home and you betray me? There are two things that are keeping me from tearing into you right now, my son is sleeping next door and I'm pretty sure you could kick my ass.
I was only trying to help Carmen.
Help Carmen? You could have got her killed. You weren't just going to a club, you were out looking for your psycho boyfriend.
I wasn't looking for Junior.
Oh yeah? You don't know where he hangs out? You were shocked to run into him?
I don't know, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Get out of my way, prom queen.
No, and you are NOT dealing with the prom queen, I was first runner-up.
[sarcastically] Wow, it's like we've lived the same life.
I don't want to hear how tough you've had it. You already quit the gang, you got a job and if it were me, I would start to feel better about myself but I guess you still think you deserve a guy who treats you like CRAP.
Hey, you don't know how hard it was to leave him.
Noooo, you're right, it's much easier to stay and be abused. GO AHEAD, throw your life away, cause I don't give a damn anymore. [leaves room]
[mutters] I screwed up, I'm sorry.
[enters back in quickly] Now that you've apologized, we can work on your self esteem, I'll talk to George about you staying, nighty night. [closes door again]
Where's Carmen? I want to talk to her.
I told her to stay in the living room until Marisol's gone.
Listen, I'm sorry, this was all my fault.
Nice try but you're not getting anything out of me.
George, it's not a trick, it's my fault, you can agree with me.
So we're never helping anyone out ever again?
If someone's on the side of the road and they're dying, what do we do?
And if somebody leaves a baby on the doorstep?
Wait until nightfall and let the coyotes get it!
[laughs] That's my girl. Well in about 10 minutes, This will all be over once Marisol's out of the house.
You don't even know what I was gonna say! I got an idea.
Hey, so who are they firing? If it's Crazy Carlos, I'm not coming in tomorrow because he's a shooter.
They're not firing anybody. They're making four people team leaders and one of 'em is Ernie.
Ernie? Well, he can't lead a fly to dog poop!
[after Max and Ricky burned down the garage]
[to Benny] What the hell were you thinking? How many times have I told you that this isn't putting out a cigarette?
It wasn't me. I flick it to the neighbor's yard like decent people.
[to Carmen] What the hell were you thinking?
You snuck out of the house, you got a hicky, you smoked a cigarette, you are one hard lemonade away from arson.
I knew it. [to Carmen] What did you do to make your brother burn the garage down?
Ricky gave me a bottle rocket, and I shot it off, but I didn't know it would land on the garage. I'm really sorry, Dad.
Sorry doesn't cut it. You can say goodbye to your allowance for the next year.
No, I don't want to hear it. Max, you destroyed the garage. [realizes] Oh, man, my golf clubs! No, I put them in the car. No, I put them in the garage to clean them! No, I put them back. I don't remember!
Come on you guys, let's just try to forget about the money and have some breakfast. How about some scrambled eggs, we'll call my dad for a loan and maybe some french toast?
No, I'm not taking money from your dad.
Okay, okay. Then how about some waffles, please just swallow your pride, and maybe some orange juice?
