Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[Peter and Bobby are camping out in the backyard, waiting for their "UFO" to appear]
Hey, did the UFO land yet?
No, do you see one?
Oh, well we thought that maybe you hid it in your sleeping bags.
Look, if you just came out here to make jokes, you can leave.
Yeah!
Oh, we believe in flying objects, Peter.
It's just that flying objects don't believe in us.
[hops up] Listen, if you guys aren't out of here in three seconds, you're both gonna be flying objects!
Ooh, quiver!
Quake, quake!
Blast off!
[Greg and Marcia were playing a trick on Peter and Bobby with the "UFO"]
Anybody for more flapjacks? Right off the grill and still flappin'?
Oh yeah, Alice!
Me too.
No, I gotta get going.
Same here.
Aren't you gonna stick around and see how Peter and Bobby's UFO pictures turned out?
No, in their case I think "UFO" means "Undoubtedly Flipped Out".
Hey Alice, if any space creatures do show up, give them some flapjacks and tell them to stick around for a while.
[Carol broke the news to the kids that their cousin Oliver will come to live with them]
Hey Cindy, now you and me won't be the youngest, we'll have somebody to push around.
[The boys' room, Oliver is snoring loudly]
[annoyed] Hey, Pete! Pete, you sleeping?
Are you kidding? Who can sleep with that buzz-saw going?
Yeah, for a little guy, he sure snores big.
Sounds like the MGM Lion.
How are we going to get any sleep?
I've read once where you can stop people from snoring by rolling them over. Let's try it.
All right.
[Peter and Bobby try to roll Oliver over]
He's heavier than he looks.
[Peter and Bobby fall on the floor, breaking the lamp on nightdesk]
Would you guys be a little bit more quiet? A guy can't get any sleep around here!
[Marcia and Jan try to find out if Cindy is snooping in Marcia's diary]
[They enter Peter and Bobby's room]
Passing through.
Gotta use the bathroom.
You got a door on your side!
It's stuck! [The girls get into the bathroom]
Now I know why hermits want to be hermits.
[The girls return from the bathroom, the same way]
Passing through.
What is this, a freeway?
Oh, we just couldn't stand being away from you two beautiful people.
[The girls leave, Peter blocks the door with a chair]
[Cindy and Oliver arrive home with a record album, Peter and Bobby are playing football in the yard]
Hey, what's in the bag?
A record album.
What kind?
The round kind.
With a hole in the middle.
[laughs sarcastically] Very funny. Let's see it. [tries to grab the album from Cindy, but Cindy snatches it back]
What's the big secret?
You know what the secret is.
Yeah, and you guys better treat Cindy nice! She's gonna be rich and famous and I'm gonna help her!
What are you two gonna do, rip off a bank?
Yeah, Bonnie and Clyde! [The older boys laugh]
[sarcastically] Very funny.
Yeah! [leaves inside with Cindy]
Bobby! Bobby, where are you?! Come on out, you can't hide forever!
[Enters the room, while Greg is looking under the bunk bed] Hey Greg, what are you doing down here?
[Emerges] Looking for Bobby, I'm gonna clobber him!
What... [Laughs] Hey, do you know your hair is orange? [Greg fumes] What happened?
Bobby's hair tonic!
You sure could be a stand-out student at graduation! [Laughs]
Very funny. [Leaves the room, goes to the girls' room] Has either of you seen Bobby?
Greg! What happened to your hair?
Bobby's hair tonic!
Bobby's hair tonic? You mean you actually bought some of that junk?
Only because I felt kinda sorry for him. But now I really feel sorry for him, 'cause he's about to have a fatal accident!
[The girls laugh]
[Pretends to offer Greg her orange sweater] Greg, do you want to borrow this for your graduation? It will match your hair!
Now wait a minute, you two, let's not have any bloodshed!
Yeah, especially my blood! [Greg attempts to lunge at him, Carol tries to keep him apart]
Greg, stop it!
Well, what am I gonna do about my hair?!
Well, I don't know, leave your brother alone, we'll try to figure something out! [Turns to Bobby] I knew something like this was gonna happen, Bobby!
Well, why didn't you tell me?!
Well, here, let me see the bottle. [Takes the bottle] There's an address here! Now look, why don't we call the Neat & Natural Hair Tonic company, maybe this happened to some of their other customers.
Good thinking, mom!
Yeah, good thinking. Look, I'll try information.
I'm really sorry, I mean, I didn't know something like this was gonna happen!
Yeah, I guess you couldn't know.
Of course, it could have been worse!
I'd like to know how!
It could have turned green!
Thanks, you're real company!
[on the phone] I see. Yeah. Thank you, operator. [Hangs up phone] Well, the Neat & Natural Company had it's phone disconnected. Oh, Bobby, I knew it was gonna be some sort of shady outfit!
I was really a jerk to fall for the ad in the magazine.
What am I gonna do about tomorrow, mom? It's graduation!
Well, Greg, have you tried to wash that stuff out of your hair?
No, I've been too busy looking for this... dumbhead! For your sake, it better work! [Leaves]
Oh, Bobby. Better say your prayers.
[In the attic, Greg tries washing his hair]
It didn't work. I washed it five times and it didn't work.
Well, at least you've got squeaky clean hair. I bet it grows out in 6-8 months.
Fantastic. Now what do I do in the meantime?
Well, you could shave your head and pretend you're a bowling ball. [Leaves, to Carol] He looks like Lucille Ball!
It didn't wash out, huh honey?
If anything, it got brighter orange.
Well look, I called the Better Business Bureau about that Neat and Natural Hair Tonic Company.
What did they say?
The FDA closed them down.
Oh well, now's a great time to find out.
Well, there is one consolation. I mean, outside of the color, it's not gonna hurt your hair or your scalp.
Well, what about graduation? I can't go out in public like this!
Well, I do have a solution. It might be a little embarrassing, but I think it'll work.
Mother, I couldn't possibly get any more embarrassed than I already am.
Hey, I just wanted to say thank you.
Alright, well, you said it.
So last night, was that, like, tae kwon do, or Jiu-Jitsu, or MMA, or something?
It's karate. Old school karate.
Do you think you could teach me?
What? No.
What? Come on, when school starts, those guys are gonna make my life miserable.
It's not my problem.
If I just knew a little bit of what you knew then I would be--
Forget it! I don't do karate anymore! All right? Besides, I need to find a job.
Well, you can open your own karate school.
It's called a dojo.
Well, you could open your own dojo.
Look, I'm not getting into this with you, all right? I'm not even sure I'm allowed to be around kids right now.
[Johnny goes to the LaRusso dealership to follow up on insurance for his car]
Wait, is this the karate guy? The guy from the tournament?
Oh, this is the guy whose ass you kicked.
It was a really close match. But, if you want to get technical, I kicked his face. [Chuckles] I'm just busting your chops.
[The others laugh. Johnny is totally not amused]
It was an illegal kick.
Oh, illegal? Really? Come on, what about that elbow to my knee?
Yeah, I got a warning. You got the win.
Cobra Kai isn't just about karate. It's about a way of life. [Points to wall with "Strike First Strike Hard No Mercy" written on it] Take that first lesson. Striking first is the initial step towards victory. Okay, like when you're at a party, and you see a hot babe. You don't wait for some other guy to go talk to her first, do you?
I mean, I've never been to a party, so...
Big surprise. Alright, look, striking first is about being aggressive. Alright? If you're not aggressive, then you're being a pussy. And you don't wanna be a pussy! You wanna have balls!
Don't you think you're doing a lot of genderizing?
...what?
Oh, sorry. Don't you think you're doing a lot of genderizing, sensei?
No, what the hell are you talking about?
Oh, uh, my guidance counselor says that certain words can perpetuate the sexist world view that can trigger-
QUIET! From now on, you won't listen to your guidance counselor, you're gonna listen to me! Is that understood?
Uh, yes, sensei.
Some things never change.
Yeah? What are you talking about?
I heard you beat up a bunch of teenagers in that parking lot out there.
Oh, that. No, I didn't beat up any teenagers. I kicked the shit out of a bunch of assholes who deserved it.
Wow. Johnny Lawrence calling someone else an asshole. That's rich, man.
Yeah, what's that supposed to mean?
Alright, look. I'm not here to rehash the past. Just stay away from my daughter's friends.
Your daughter's friends? Yeah, that makes sense. Nice company she keeps.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
It means those friends of hers were wailing on a kid half their size. Maybe you don't know your daughter as well as you think you do. Get your house in order, LaRusso.
Who the hell do you think you're talking to?
Bathroom's clean! [walks into the scene] Is there anything else you need me to do?
[Johnny motions towards Miguel. He pulls out his earphones.]
I'm sorry, Sensei. I...
Sensei? Really? Oh my god. [To Miguel] Kid, I don't know what he's told you, but you shouldn't believe a word this guy says, or you're gonna end up just like him. [Back to Johnny] You and I, this...we're not done.
I wish I could show my mom what I did to those boards, but if she knew where I was right now, she'd kill me. What's wrong with you?
[After reading "Final Notice" bills] Nothing. Put your costume on, I'm driving you to that dance, and we're gonna pick up some more students. [Sees Miguel's horribly homemade halloween costume] What the hell is that?
It's my halloween costume. My ya-ya made it. It started off as Deadpool, then I think it was Spider-Man, and then it just kinda became some generic superhero.
Yeah, a poor one at that. You're Poor-Man.
Yeah.
Well, I can't let you go out like that. We have a reputation to uphold.
What do you suggest?
[At the high school dance, Miguel is seen wearing Johnny's skeleton costume from the first movie]
[Daniel sees Johnny in the high school hallway hanging Cobra Kai flyers]
What do you think you're doing?
I'm promoting my business. Why don't you try minding yours?
Minding mine? You know what, look, this is ridiculous, okay? We can both be adults here. I just don't know why you'd ever wanna bring back Cobra Kai after what your sensei did to you.
Because I'm not Kreese...and the lessons worked.
"Strike first, no mercy?" Real good lessons. If you think I'm gonna let you fill these kids heads with that garbage, you're nuts, man.
My mom says I can train again.
She did?
Yeah. I mean, if we still have a dojo.
We do for now. All right, but I need to know are you ready to take things to the next level?
Yes, Sensei.
You got your ass kicked because you didn't have any defense. So I'm gonna teach you the best defense that you can know. And the best defense- [holds up his fists to Miguel's face] -is more offense.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
