[after Snotty Boy has woken up with amnesia] Oh, he's seen us! He'll tell others! We'll all be sold on the internet!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[Pig - disguised as Snotty Boy - has seen an amnesiac Snotty Boy at the door.]
Did I hear someone at the door?
[blocking the door] No, no! What door? We don't have any doors.
[moves Pig aside] Oh, don't you be such a little silly-willy-billy-dilly-billy. [opens the door]
Good afternoon, ma'am. The nice theater troupe man said I'm your nephew.
Sweetums, why are you outside, when you are standing right next to me? [sees Pig] AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Auntie Nora, he's clearly an imposter. He's probably one of those talking animals from next door in disguise.
Yes. That's the only explanation. He's not even wearing proper clothes. [to Snotty Boy] Get out of here, you camel or whatever you are. Scoot, or I'll call the police! GET OUT!!! [shuts out Snotty Boy]
Sorry to have troubled you! Have a nice day!
When a bird and a bee love each other very much, they get married. Pretty soon, the bird starts losing her mind and seeing talking animals everywhere, and the bee... Oh, the poor bee, is left sitting in a chair all night, trying to remember what life was like before he died inside.
[gets a notification on his phone] Oh, hey, it's a text message, from Pip. [reads the text message] ”B-H-P, &, S-B-B, sad face”. [confused] Huh?
I speak text. He says he's being held prisoner in Snotty Boy's bedroom.
Snotty Boy. I should've guessed.
[Otis gets another notification on his phone.]
Oh, hang on. There's more. "G-T-P-T-A"?
He says ”Give the phone to Abby!”
[confused] Huh?
[Abby sees another text message from Pip and gasps]
Otis, that kid's trying to feed him to a snake! We got to do something!
We will, Abby. Barnyard Strike Force, deploy!
[Otis gets a notification on his phone and miniature toast pops out]
Ooh, tiny toast is done. Who wants tiny toast?
[Snotty's been eaten by his pet snake]
Okay, yeah, interesting. You're inside a snake, aren't you, yeah, you're deep in there. Okay, this might be very painful. [pulls on Snotty's legs, which causes the Snotty Boy scream in agony] Ah-ah-ah. Just a few more hours.
[Pip has kept Otis up all night.]
You wanna prank the paperboy?
[snaps at Pip] NO, I DON'T WANNA PRANK ANY PAPERBOY! I would really enjoy pranking my eyeballs back into being closed, and pranking my mouth into snoring, IN ONE LONG, EIGHT-HOUR, UNINTERRUPTED PRANK!
Are you on medication?
[Pig is horrified to see that Pip has cleaned his stall]
Surprise! It took me three hours to clean it.
[crying] No!
No, don't cry, I wanted to do it!
[angry] GET OUT!
[confused] Huh?
Do you know how long it took me to get my stall that filthy, huh? Years and years of grime and squalor down the drain!
B-But I just thought that-
[Pig wails, then becomes horrified when he sees something]
[hysterical] OH, NO! MY CRUSTY BLANKIE! IT'S ALL SOFT AND CLEAN! Get out! G-G-GET OUT!
[Searching for Pip after he ran away.]
Oh, no! Look! Some ravenous hawk devoured him and spit out his pelt!
[The others gasp.]
Oh, it's too awful! Wait, give me that! That's just an old gray sock, Freddy.
That's even worse! The hawk put him to work making casual sportswear!
Uh, Otis, can we not bring Freddy on any more search parties?
This is my baby's cowbell! Do you know what this means?
I think I do, and it feels... no.
Otis! [hugs him] I'm your mother!
[screams]
I know, in the past, Bessy has an ice block for her heart and anger where her blood should be, but that's because she was upset about her son.
[screams] Nathan, the gas boiler exploded and blasted us into space! Call NASA! Get the martian repellent! Hoard oxygen!
You stop right there, young man!
No, I will not "stop right there," Mom! You have done nothing but embarrass me since the moment you found out I'm your son!
Watch the tone, mister!
YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!! I hate you! [gasps, whimpers, then runs off crying]
[attempting to comfort himself with his cowbell over Bessy and Pip getting married] Bell-bell make bad-bad go bye-bye. Bell-bell make bad-bad go bye-bye. Bell-bell make bad-bad go bye-bye.
I know pronounce you man and--
STOP THE WEDDING!!!
[The crowd gasps as Everett plays a dramatic chord on the organ before fainting.]
Listen to me. I've always kept my cowbell wrapped in a newspaper from the day I was separated from my mom, but it's dated an entire year after Bessy's kid floated away. I can't be Bessy's son.
[The crowd gasps and mutters in shock as Everett plays another dramatic chord.]
This can't be true!
I'm sorry, Bessy. I know you want your son back, but it's not me.
[Bessy looks sad at first, but then...]
Phew! What a relief!
Huh. Not what you'd usually say when your heart is breaking into a million pieces.
I didn't know what was worse, having you for a son, or being married to a rat.
Why, it sounds like a heavenly angel.
Or a bewitching sorceress luring us to our doom!
Hey, maybe the angel and the sorceress had a kid.
You mean a sorcer-angel?
No, more like an angel-ress.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.