Hey, caveman, don't get fresh with me.
Not gettin' fresh with ya, I'm just friskin' you for silverware, you crazy bat!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
(Becky walks into the living room where Dan is reading the paper)
God, I hate my life!
Tough day, honey?
My job sucks, my boss is a big dumb jerk.
(still looking at paper) Too bad, dear.
And I can't quit because there's never any money around here for anything I want.
Sorry, sweetheart.
And if you expect me to clean up this rat hole, you're nuts! I'm taking a bath and going to bed.
(continuing to look at the paper) 'Night, Rosie.
Mark just gave me my Christmas present a little early.
What'd he give you.
[Becky holds out her hand, which has a ring on it. Dan jumps out of his chair in fright]
Dad, I'm kidding. I got it out of a gumball machine. It's a joke.
Don't you ever do that again.
Okay, I'm sorry, I thought you'd laugh.
No, that was not funny. That was cruel. [Looking out the kitchen window] Ooh, here comes your mom. Do it to her.
(Darlene and Becky are taking care of a baby who won't stop crying)
Maybe he needs to be changed.
I changed him five times already.
Well, maybe you did it wrong. (Baby talk) Maybe you gave him a little baby wedgie.
It was really weird. This commercial came on for cereal, talking about all the vitamins it has--B1, B6, B12. I turned around and she was gone.
DDuke
Any of you ladies have a request?
How 'bout doing the dishes once in a while?
DDuke
I don't know that one!
KHKevin Healy
(meeting Darlene for the first time) I like your hair; it's totally out of control.
(This is the only time he's called Kevin. In his next appearance, it's changed to David.)
Well, they must have a lot of confidence in you!
Yeah right, all I have to do is count to ten.
Don't wear mittens, it'll slow you down.
[Roseanne laughs from the other room]
Mother!
Well it was funny, Becky.
[writhing in pain after throwing her back out] I can't get up and I don't have one of those things! I shouldn't have laughed at that old lady on TV!
[after a doctor describes a breast reduction procedure, both Roseanne and Jackie have their arms crossed over their chests]
What sick Nazi man came up with this idea?
[describing her examination] Well, he said, "Put your clothes on, I'm done." Ya know, like any man.
[in a dream sequence, she looks at herself in the mirror after her surgery, sees her breasts which have been grotesquely enlarged instead of reduced, and screams]
Great, huh?
They were supposed to make 'em SMALLER!
This is better!
Oh my GOD! OH MY GOD!!!
NNurse
Calm down, Mrs. Conner, calm down. I've got your Jell-O right here.
WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?! WHAT HAPPENED?!
NNurse
You had a breast enlargement.
And a great one!
I was supposed to have a REDUCTION! You made a mistake!
NNurse
That's not true, Mrs. Conner. See, here's your release form, right there, there's your signature.
But my doctor told me what he was gonna do! Where is he? I wanna see my doctor! I wanna see him NOW!!!
NNurse
Right away. [opens the door, calling as she leaves] Doctor, we need you!
DHDoogie Howser, M.D.
[enters room] Yes? What's wrong, not big enough?
[still groggy after waking up from her dream] Oh, way ta go, Doogie!
I thought it was good to be a man.
Oh, no. Not since the late '60s, son
Hey Rosie, get this! Dean got hurt in football just like I did.
No kidding, you got drunk and fell off the bus too?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.