I half-jokingly said to Gilfoyle last night it looks like Richard’s gonna suck Erlich’s dick. But that would be reasonable compared to this.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I always knew I was missing something, and then when someone explained the concept of ‘game’ I remember very distinctly thinking ‘That’s what I don’t have.’
Fuck you, the audio’s still working! Audio worked a hundred fucking years ago, you fucking piece of shit!
I’m already smiling, do you really have to paint me giving the thumbs-up? It’s gratuitous.
WWaiter
Are you enjoying your asparagus, sir?
I was never enjoying it. I was only eating it for the nutrients.
I just masturbated to heighten my focus. I have a 15-minute refractory period.
Take Dinesh and Gilfoyle. They are wasting an enormous amount of time arguing. What if we were to separate them, right? Divide their existing work space into two areas. We could put in some kind of portable barrier...
He's talking about cubicles!
We are not doing cubicles. No way!
No, no, no. Don't think of it as a cubicle. Just think of it as a neutral-colored enclosure, about yay-high, around your workspace.
I don't get it. Doesn't Peter Gregory want what's best for the company?
Look. I'm going to be straight with you. Peter Gregory doesn't care.
About...?
You.
Wait. Just him or both of us?
Any of you. Pied Piper.
OK... Uh, well, then why did he back us? Does he just want to piss off Gavin Belson? He spent two hundred thousand dollars just to...
Yeah, that's nothing! Peter would spend millions just to mildly annoy Gavin. These are billionaires, Richard. Humiliating each other is worth more to them than we'll make in a lifetime.
DDoctor
I don’t know how you did it, but you essentially aged 40 years in the last seven weeks. We had a meth addict in here this morning who was biologically younger than you are, and he’s 58. MySpace guy.
The point is, I learned Ruby on Rails over a weekend when I was 17. I should be able to learn cloud, I have to.
DDoctor
Can I give you my professional opinion, as your doctor? You should have taken that ten million dollars from Gavin Belson, OK? But regrets will kill ya so try not to dwell on it.
Richard, you're a fucking rock star, OK? You just don't know cloud, this tiny, little, shitty area, which is becoming super important, and in many ways is the future of computing... That sort of went south on me, but you understand what I'm saying.
As shocking as this is... Tara is attracted to you.
Come again?
Yeah, freaked me out too, at first.
I don't like the "at first" part at all.
You’re probably right, she just wanted to fuck a Danish.
[From outside the van on the highway]
I don't know how you read your screen in the car; it makes me sick as a dog.
I'm okay as long as I don't think about it. Besides, the presentation is tomorrow.
So if you just don't think about it, it really doesn't bother you to be staring at the screen when the car's moving and turning and you're all queasy...
[Richard sticks his head out the window and vomits]
Gilfoyle!
See, I knew it bothers you. Fucking liar.
It's not her you're sexually attracted to, it's my code.
Shut the... That is the most disgusting fucking thing I've ever h...
Just face it, Dinesh, you're gay for my code, you're code gay.
No! No, I'm into her. Her, OK? Fuck your code!
You'd like to fuck my code, wouldn't you? Hey, would you like to masturbate to the subroutine I just wrote?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.