TTaylor
It's after midnight now and I feel like I can ask a question.
TTaylor
Who did you vote for today?
You know I'm not answering that.
TTaylor
I thought you might because you revealed your party affiliation on the air last year.
I did. I identified myself as a Republican because I thought it was fair to give to the viewer given the commentary I was delivering.
TTaylor
A commentary that ended with you calling the Tea Party the American Taliban.
TTaylor
And in the body of the commentary - was a blistering indictment of Republicans.
Exactly the opposite. It was a blistering indictment of people who aren't Republicans.
TTaylor
Well, who's to say who is and who isn't?
TTaylor
I want to remind you you asked me to pursue this area.
TTaylor
And I'm wondering, with all respect, do you call yourself a Republican so you can make a claim to credibility when you attack the GOP?
No, I call myself a Republican 'cause I am one. I believe in market solutions and I believe in common sense realities and the necessity to defend ourselves against a dangerous world and that's about it. Problem is now I have to be homophobic. I have to count the number of times people go to church. I have to deny facts and think scientific research is a long con. I have to think poor people are getting a sweet ride. And I have to have such a stunning inferiority complex that I fear education and intellect in the 21st century. But most of all, the biggest new requirement, really the only requirement, is that I have to hate Democrats. And I have to hate Chris Christie for not spitting on the president when he got off Air Force One. The two-party system is crucial to the whole operation. There's honor in being the loyal opposition. And I'm a Republican for the same reasons you are. So I hope your voice gets louder in the next four years.
TTaylor
Well, I don't like losing, so count on it.
You ever read Jedediah Purdy, For Common Things?
He talks about cynical times. People having terminal irony with a studied refusal to hope or care openly. Does that sound like us?
No. Have you asked yourself tonight why we never reported the Petraeus story?
Remember? David Petraeus is resigning on Thursday.
It's because we never made the trade. The decision was that the other story had information voters needed, the Petraeus story didn't. Not that many voters. It would have affected maybe a few thousand, tops. In one district, one seat. As opposed to breaking two days early what will be a giant story. Breaking it in front of an Election Night audience. And the decision to decline the trade was made instantly and unanimously. Don pushed back reflexively, but he came around in seven seconds. Don. We've come a long way. I'm not resigning. And neither are you. What, are we out of our fucking minds? Dantana doctored the tape. That's what happened, Will. We know the truth and the mob doesn't. When did we decide it was an institutional failure? We waited 11 months. We know people who would have gone after the second red team meeting or even the first. You agree with what I'm saying?
I believe, except for the things we did wrong, we did everything right. And I can't live with Mac taking the blame for--
We'll get the audience's trust back. Like Leona said, we're gonna overcome the terminal irony. And the laundry list of embarrassing things in the complaint? I've got to tell you, I'm not embarrassed. The Zimmerman tape, Jim going to New Hampshire, Sloan punching a guy in arbitrage-- I actually like that one. [pause, he notices Will is staring off into space] I can't tell what you're thinking. [pause] Will? It's gotten strange now. Are you able to hear me speaking? She--
Except for the things she did wrong, she did everything right, too. The rest was me.
There's a story about a little kid who keeps shredding paper and his parents take him to all kinds of doctors to get him to stop shredding paper. And finally they take him to the most expensive doctor in the world who turns to the kid and he says, "Kid, if you stop shredding paper, your parents will stop dragging you to doctors." And the kid turns to his parents and says, "Why didn't you just say so?"
The point of the story is that the kid could make himself happy by just stopping. I think that's the point. I don't know. I've been trying to figure it out. But I didn't return it. Because I'm in love with you.
And because of-- Will you marry me?
I said will you marry me? And before that, I said I'm in love with you. That's-- that's-- That's what I'm getting at. I feel like I can do this so much better if I can have a second.
What in the fuck is happening right now?
If-- if I-- I don't ever want to not be-- No. I love you. I'm gonna go back to that. And will you marry me? And let me just say I really think you should. I think you should say yes. But no matter what you say, there's no chance I am ever gonna hurt you again. And no matter what you say, I'm gonna be in love with you for the rest of my life. There's no way out of that. That's just a physical law of the universe. You own me. No matter what you say--
[Announcing, to the office, their new engagement]
I'd like to present the future Mrs. Mackenzie Morgan McHale McA- that's not going to work.
JJudge
[Don asks to be excused from jury duty] All of these people have someplace else to be, I'm sure your network can do the news without you.
You're probably right but I'd hate my boss to find that out.
Uh-huh. [turns to one lawyer] Look, you don't want leaders on the jury, right? Anyone who can take charge during deliberations? I run a news broadcast five nights a week with a staff of sixty and I bend them to my will. [turns to other lawyer] Plus, I'm currently a defendant in two lawsuits being brought by the same person so, even though I bought your clients bagel-slicer at three a.m. and it nearly took my fingers off, there is simply no way in hell that I am finding for the plaintiff-
I was gonna get the buffet.
I don't know why, if given a choice, anyone wouldn't get the buffet. Under what circumstance would you order off the menu?
If the menu had a five pound lobster and the buffet was soy themed, all you can eat assorted soy.
Here's what I need you to do...
Why does there have to be an assignment?
Hey, are we in this buffet thing together?
Yeah, we tell the waiter we're getting the buffet.
I did a Q&A in Shape about my healthy diet.
In a big way. And I'm really hungry so I need you to get food for me and I'll get food for you.
Crab claws, as far as the eye can see. Mushroom, Swiss cheese omelet. And I can't emphasize this enough, waffles.
Would you consider us a couple?
I don't understand the question...
Yeah you do cause this is exactly how I act in the same situation. Suddenly I pretend I'm stupid and hearing impaired. Do you consider us a couple?
Do you consider us a couple?
I love spending time with you.
I can't believe I'm being Don Keefered.
You're not! I would never Don Keefer you.
[As Jim and Maggie's flight to Cuba, which Edward Snowden failed to board, prepares to leave, and they discover his empty seat is opposite theirs]
We had seats across the aisle from him. The honeymooners had two seats across the aisle from Edward Snowden. Boris and Natasha had the golden tickets. We'd have had him the whole flight, except for one thing -
[concurrently with him] He's not on the plane.
Probably back in the airport.
Yeah. So we are flying 600 miles an hour away from the story... FUCK!!!
[after a short pause] Why didn't you call her?
Why didn't you call Hallie?
You're a noodge, Maggie. You know that?
I'm just asking. If you really like her, it's a stupid thing to -
[cutting her off] I like you... And I don't know why you don't know that.
[after a moment of shocked silence] Beca- Because if you wanted to be with me, you'd be with me.
That's just... not at all true. You were with Don when I met you.
[angry] You never called me from New Hampshire.
No you didn't. Ever! And you knew I'd split up with Don, and you knew why - you went through Lisa, you went through Hallie, and you never called me from New Hampshire, so it's really not as obvious as you think it is, and it's also probably not true.
You may be right... It's not, but it had... Potential. But the last thing was unambiguously wrong.
What language are you using?
I do like you. I like you, and I'm glad I said it. Even though... now I wish I'd... said it at the end of a 13-hour flight.
Yeah, this is going to be uncomfortable. [goes to unbuckle her seat belt] I'm gonna switch seats with someone.
I'll switch seats. I'll sit in Snowden's seat.
That's not far enough. It's gonna be weird if we can see each other.
[He gets up, picks up his bag and moves a few rows back, where he asks someone to switch seats, leaving Maggie looking visibly shaken by their argument]
[Jim is watching Star Trek on his iPad, when Maggie's fingers appear and tap the screen, getting his attention]
Follow me. [seeing he hasn't heard, she pushes his headphones back] Follow me.
Exactly where you think we're going.
[He gets up and follows her]
I don't know what... I'm confused.
[As they shuffle down the aisle, the plane jerks, and a flight attendant approaches]
FAFlight attendant
We're running into turbulence. You have to go to your seats and put your seat belts on.
[as she squeezes past the attendant] This is awkward.
I was sitting far away from you. I was watching episode four.
[to the man that Jim switched seats with] Excuse me, would you mind trading back?
MMan
We are in the middle of turbulence.
It's nothing. It's due to the action of molecular viscosity called laminar flow.
[He gets up and leaves]
Where did that come from?
Sit down. Put on your seat belt.
[They sit down and put on their seat belts. Without another word, Maggie kisses Jim]
