You don't want to see what it's like in the early hours, Grandad. It's like the end of the world. It's full of drug addicts, glue sniffers, winos. Do you know what, if a nightingale sang now in Berkeley Square, someone would eat it.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I have had nothing to eat since I've been here.
Why's that? Been too frightened?
No, I forgot the tin opener.
Why didn't you pop down for it?
Del, desperate men on the run don't pop home to borrow a tin opener.
KKaren (bar maid)
Do you know that overcoat you sold my dad?
Yeah?
KKaren (bar maid)
It's got a great, big lump in the back.
Of course! It's genuine camel hair, ain't it?
He's cool, I like it. I tell you, if he wasn't so white, I'd swear he was black.
Yeah, he is white, ain't he?
The whitest man I've ever seen in all my life.
I'm not ever so white!
You are. You'd make an albino look bronzed.
[Del, Rodney, and Grandad think that they have accidentally killed Corinne's canary.]
We gotta think of a way out of this.
I got it! We could say it was caused by paint fumes.
Paint fumes? When Corinne comes back in here, she's gonna find her kettle's been knackered, her kitchen's been turned into a Turkish bath and she's got a Kentucky Fried Canary at the bottom of her cage. And we're gonna say it's paint fumes?
[Del and Mike, discussing Mike's plan to have the pub redecorated; Brendan has already offered to do it for £1000.]
I might be able to offer you a much better deal my son. I could get this pub decorated to the exact same standard as Brendan, and it would cost your brewery a mere £2000.
£2000?
That must be a tempting offer, eh Rodney?
Well he's a born businessman isnt he?
Hang about, hang about. Why should I turn down an offer of £1000 and accept one of £2000?
Cos of all the advantages it has to offer, like my specialised profit sharing scheme. Let me explain how it works. The £2000 would be disbursed thus: there would be £500 for vous. £500 for vee.
What you mean I get 500 quid?
Oh yes.
And what happens to the £1000 that's left over?
We give that to the Irishman and let him do the job.
(grinning) We got a deal, Mr. Trotter.
Where do I get a canary from?
Well why don't you try the boot menders (!)
RReg
I never raised a hand to your mother, Rodney, except in self-defence!
Hospital bed? What's wrong with you, Reggie?
Something serious, I hope!
(talking about his father) Don't be fooled by him, Rodney. He's had everything from Galloping Lurgy to Saturday Night Fever! I was doing some homework once and I asked him what a cubic foot was. He said he didn't know, but he tried to have a week off work with it!
It's a right blinding Christmas this has turned out to be, innit! I mean, some people get wise men bearing gifts; we get a wally with a disease!
Well I can't wait to fill out my next passport application form. Mother's name: Joan Mavis Trotter; father's name: Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.
RReg
If your mother was alive now, I'd kill her.
You're only one letter out! Look, the only difference between us is a B.
Yeah and we all know what the B stands for!
(after finding out that his father faked an illness) They ran his name through the computer but they didn't have a patient called Trotter. But they did have a porter called Trotter. He left two weeks ago with 57 blankets, 133 pair of rubber gloves and the chief gynaecologist's Lambretta!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.